Talk:Marty Bergen (baseball)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kncny11 (talk · contribs) 14:37, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be taking a look at this one! I almost worked on Bergen before I hit Skaggs instead. You know the drill by now, Working means I haven't finished looking at that section yet, but you can start addressing comments as soon as you see them! Kncny11 ^(shoot) 14:37, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lede

Alright, I had to hunt this one down/ask the Discord. I used to work in journalism, and we always got sat down for a day and told that "committed suicide" was an improper term, and that "died by suicide" was better. Turns out, a few weeks ago, there was a policy RfC discussion on what terminology to use, and the consensus was to continue allowing "commit suicide", especially if that's the phrase used in the sources. Just be aware that might be revisited a year or more down the line.
Add (MLB) after "Major League Baseball"
Remove second WL for Hall of Fame
En dash for 1937–39

Early life

Pipe "Irish immigrants" to Irish diaspora

Minor league career

Replace hyphen in the header with an en dash
Pipe Northampton to Northampton, Massachusetts
"In the midst of the season (July 11)" → "On July 11, still in the midst of the season,"
WL flour mill
Comma after "on Boynton Street"
"to a minor league team," → "to the minor league Lewiston Twins of the New England League"
- I would have called it that, but it looks like the team name was either unknown or nonexistent for 1894 (see that article's infobox). Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:59, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"The minor league team was Lewiston of the New England League, whom Bergen played for even though he was no longer under contract with Pittsburgh." → "Although no longer under contract with Pittsburgh, Bergen continued to play with Lewiston."
- I'd like to keep it the way it is to emphasize that Pittsburgh sent him to Lewiston, but he played with Lewiston anyway even though he was not under contract with Pittsburgh. Your way would make more sense if Lewiston was a minor league affiliate of Pittsburgh, but I'm pretty sure the teams were independent of each other back then. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 21:00, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Again," → "While playing with Lewiston,"
- Wanted to keep "again" in there, but I reworded it to make more sense grammatically. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 21:02, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"were interested" → "remained interested"
- Shouldn't be "remained" because it was different teams this time. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 21:02, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"elapsed" → "passed"

Boston Beaneaters

Replace hyphen in header with an en dash
"along with" → "alongside"
Specify in the previous section that the Western League was minor
"facing the Phillies in a game Boston lost 7–3" → "in a 7–3 loss against the Phillies"
"This season" → "That season"
"Rumor has it that he broke his hip during the year, but evidence indicates otherwise." → "Despite rumors that he suffered a broken hip during the year, evidence suggests otherwise."
Also pipe broken hip to hip fracture
Remove parentheses around "on October 13"

Defensive prowess

WL Sports Illustrated
- Thanks; I forgot! :) Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 22:23, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"terrific" → "particularly skilled"
Link "Hall of Famer" to National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum
Brackets around the ellipses in quotes ( [...] )

Mental illness

"backstop...is unpopular" → "backstop [...] is unpopular"
WL St. Louis
WL hallucinations
"that Selee would not"
"and that he was battling"
"because he was preoccupied" → "claiming that he was preoccupied"
Comma after "Boston Braves recounts that"

Death

"ended his life in" → "was found dead in a"
Replace all hyphens with en dashes for murder–suicide
Replace parentheses with brackets for NYT quote
"Actually" → "In actuality"
"a lot of blood" → "copious amounts of blood"
WL jugular vein and carotid artery
Remove Hall of Fame WL here, as it'll be linked earlier
En dash for 1937–39

References

Expand "SABR" in [3] to "Society for American Baseball Research", and list it as the publisher rather than the work

General comments

Stability is good
Picture also good
Copyvio score turned up red. It looks like a weird WordPress site trying to be Find-A-Grave? The second-highest is only there because of direct quotes.

Putting On hold until issues are addressed.

Thanks for making those changes! The Lewiston changes were an attempt to make the phrasing less awkward that were founded on an incorrect assumption that they were a Pirates affiliate. Passing now! Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:14, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]