Talk:Markham's storm petrel/GA1

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Reviewer: Dunkleosteus77 (talk · contribs) 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Dunkleosteus77

This article seems to use a lot of technical words unnecessarily. I'll point them as I read User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"and was once described as conspecific with Tristram's storm petrel Oceanodroma tristrami" do you absolutely have to use the word conspecific here? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Explained. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:22, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"First described by British ornithologist Osbert Salvin in 1883, the bird was named in honor of Albert Hastings Markham" this makes it sound like because the bird was described by Salvin, it obviously had to be named in honor of Markham User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- It was described by Salvin but collected by Markham. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:22, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"interstices" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm not sure I need to link this. It's just a small opening in the saltpeter. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:22, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I don't need you to link it, I need you to explain what it means because it's not a widely known word User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:01, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Cut. Therapyisgood (talk) 05:30, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Why do you use saltpeter instead of potassium nitrate? How does something nest in potassium nitrate? Do you mean it nests in caves made of potassium nitrate? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- It nests in fissures in the ground. I think I've linked it to what saltpeter is but the source just says saltpeter. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:22, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

potassium nitrate is much more recognizable word User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:01, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sources use saltpeter. Therapyisgood (talk) 05:42, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Why doesn't Carboneras have a first name? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- First names aren't typically used. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:22, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  - Added first name in reference. Some first names I can't find for certain papers. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:35, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Why do you specifically choose the quote "early stage". It makes it sound suspicious User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Cut. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:40, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"probably differentiated itself" here you should use the actual term "diverged" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:30, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Wilson's storm petrel Oceanites oceanicus may have been the first storm petrel to inhabit the Northern Hemisphere, thus possibly originating the Hydrobatinae subfamily" this is saying Wilson's storm petrel is the last common ancestor between Oceanitinae and Hydrobatinae (which I very much doubt), and that's not how you use the word originating User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Quote from source: "It has been suggested that the group of northern genera, the Hydrobatinae, may have originated as a result of colonization of the north by some southern species, and one of the best candidates is Wilson's Storm-petrel (Oceanites oceanicus), a transequatorial migrant that winters abundantly in the Northern Hemisphere." What do you think would be better than "originating"? Therapyisgood (talk) 08:03, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think that's what it's trying to say. What's the rest of the paragraph say? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:01, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I think I got the context right. "It has been suggested that the group of northern genera, the Hydrobatinae, may have originated as a result of colonization of the north by some southern species, and one of the best candidates is Wilson's Storm-petrel (Oceanites oceanicus), a transequatorial migrant that winters abundantly in the Northern Hemisphere. The family has alternatively been called Oceanitidae, in order to emphasize the greater antiquity of the southern group, although this has yet to be proved definitively." If you can find another source that says differently feel free to add, but I think I got the context right. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:14, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The way you juxtaposed it makes it sound like Wilson's storm petrel has been around since the Miocene, and originating means to come from, not to start User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 18:40, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Changed to "started". Therapyisgood (talk) 02:27, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I believe that is a reasonable inference from the source text. Therapyisgood (talk) 03:41, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Are James L. Peters and R. Wagstaffe ornithologists? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Linked Reginald Wagstaffe. Still looking for Peters. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:43, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  - I've linked both of them. Do you think that is enough? Therapyisgood (talk) 04:44, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Linking is not enough. You have to actually write down "The bird was thought by ornithologist/naturalist/French baker James L. Peters" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:01, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure that is right but explained anyway. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:14, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

do it for every person mentioned User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 18:41, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Why? Therapyisgood (talk) 03:09, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I've taken care of this. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:18, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"though 'current practice' as of 2008" don't use quotes like this where you make it appear as if we have good reason to question the source User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Cut. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:28, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I don't understand what's happening in the last 2 sentences of the 2nd paragraph of Taxonomy User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 21:12, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- What can I explain better? Therapyisgood (talk) 08:25, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"The genus Oceanodroma was found to be paraphyletic with respect to Hydrobates and all former Oceanodroma species were transferred to Hydrobates" if this happened then why is the name Hydrobates markhami not used in the article? Also, define paraphyletic User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:01, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

If you could define "paraphyletic" that would be great. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:36, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I've added a bit. Therapyisgood (talk) 05:14, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review, I can get to these soon, perhaps over the next few days. Therapyisgood (talk) 22:06, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Therapyisgood: you still there? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:40, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Therapyisgood: If you haven't responded by the end of the month, I will fail this for inactivity User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 15:51, 25 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Dunkleosteus77: I've changed some things or said where I had some questions. Therapyisgood (talk) 08:25, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

define plumbeous, like "plumbeous (a dull lead-gray color)" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:14, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"in fresh plumage" what happens to older feathers? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Am still looking. Therapyisgood (talk) 02:42, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Its ventral area, caudad from the neck" are you trying to say its tummy? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Reworked. Therapyisgood (talk) 02:57, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Its ventral, or frontal, area, from the neck down" saying underside is less confusing User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Reworded. Therapyisgood (talk) 22:07, 12 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Because you described the wings as being blackish-brown, it'd be better if you said "grayish-brown" instead of "fuscous" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- "Fuscous" is probably more accurate. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:14, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Fuscous isn't an actual specific color, it's just a generic term for several grayish-brown colors User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 18:31, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Added "or brownish-gray". Therapyisgood (talk) 02:42, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"its bill and feet are black with a deeply forked tail" this makes it sound like the bill and the feet have a deeply forked tail User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:26, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"A researcher stated" avoid anything similar to "Studies show" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Explained. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:26, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Markham's storm petrel typically flies greater than one meter over the ocean surface, compared to the black petrel, which flies closer than one meter to the surface" that last part is implied User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 13:15, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:39, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  - @Dunkleosteus77: Some replies. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:17, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"and slower than the more rapid wingbeats" implied that the wingbeats are more rapid if the other wingbeats are slower User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 15:17, 21 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Markham's storm petrel typically flies greater than one meter over the ocean surface, compared to the black petrel" that's not what the word compared means. Use "unlike", and it should be the opener "Unlike the black petrel, Markham's storm petrel..." otherwise it feels incomplete User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- OK. Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 15:17, 21 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Markham's storm petrel inhabits waters in the Pacific Ocean around Ecuador, Peru, and Chile, though sightings have occurred on the equator west of the Galápagos Islands" sightings at the Galápagos Islands don't contradict the previous statement since they belong to Ecuador, unless you meant "coastal waters" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Should be obvious from "west of the Galápagos Islands" that I'm talking about coastal waters around the Galápagos. Moreover the context of Ecuador, Peru and Chile should tell the reader I'm talking about their main countries not their owned islands. Therapyisgood (talk) 15:02, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"from an observation conducted by ornithologist Richard S. Crossin in 1974" did you mean survey? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 20:26, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"outside of freak vagrancies" is that the actual term? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Yes. "and, with the exception of freak vagrancy events, Least O. microsoma, Ashy O. homochroa, the two Pacific forms of Leach's with dark-rumped variants O. l. chapmani and O. l. socorroensis, Markham’s O. markhami, Black O. melania and Tristram’s Stormpetrels O. tristrami are extremely unlikely to occur in the Atlantic." Therapyisgood (talk) 15:17, 21 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"and in 2007, and Spear and Ainley classified the species as endemic to the Humboldt Current." not grammatically correct User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- How so? Therapyisgood (talk) 15:03, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"and in 2007, and Spear and Ainley" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 16:53, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:45, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"An observation conducted by Spear and Ainley" survey User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 15:05, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"close to the coast near central Peru" is it at the coast or the center? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 20:45, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"while during spring densities bifurcated between southern Peru–northern Chile and an area roughly 1,700 kilometres (1,100 mi) west thereto" this is an odd sentence. Change to "During spring, the breeding population splits into two around southern Peru and northern Chile, stretching out 1,700 km (1,100 mi) offshore" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:23, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Nesting colonies were unknown in 1931" you should say when nesting colonies were first discovered User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Added. Therapyisgood (talk) 04:08, 13 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"After two separate discoveries in Chile in 2013, one of nesting sites south of the Acha valley in Arica Province by a group of ornithologists and one of a recording of bird singing by a biologist working for a consulting company, and after further exploration in November 2013 based on the recording, in 2019, populations of 34,684 nests in Arica, 20,000 nests in Salar Grande, and 624 nests in Pampa de la Perdiz were found in the Atacama Desert of northern Chile, which translated to about 95% of the known breeding population at the time" I can't follow this sentence User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Reworked. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:38, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
You shouldn't use saltpeter, potassium nitrate is a more widely understood term User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm not sure if it's potassium nitrate as opposed to niter as opposed to nitratine so I'm saying seltpeter. Should I change the link to niter? Therapyisgood (talk) 01:46, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

yes User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 16:53, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"with saltpeter cavities reported in both Pampa de Camarones in northern Chile and Paracas Peninsula" does the petrel live in these areas? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Clarified. Therapyisgood (talk) 00:02, 13 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"which could lead to an overall ten-month reproductive span" did you mean season instead of span? Span suggests that some birds need 10 months to go from eggs to fledglings User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 03:43, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"an occurrence common to burrow nesters in the order Procellariiformes" you should say petrels User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 02:11, 8 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"and William A. Walker of the National Marine Mammal Laboratory" → "marine mammalogist William A. Walker" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm not sure he is a marine mammalogist as opposed to just working there. Therapyisgood (talk) 15:26, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Among a study by Spear, Ainley and William A. Walker of the National Marine Mammal Laboratory, diets of thirty different species of eastern tropical Pacific Ocean avifauna taken from 1983–1991" this is not how you do a dependent clause User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 15:29, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"a sample of fifteen Markham's storm petrel and thirty prey samples" what are prey samples? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Cut. Therapyisgood (talk) 05:20, 11 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Procellariiformes" → "petrels" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 22:39, 12 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"a total of 95 Markham's storm petrel, collectively" use plural, and why say "collectively"? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed to plural. Collectively from Paracas Peninsula and La Vieja Island. Reworked. Therapyisgood (talk) 02:53, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"found that its main diet by mass consisted of fish, namely the Peruvian anchovy Engraulis ringens, cephalopods, namely the octopus Japetella sp., and crustaceans, namely the pelagic squat lobster Pleuroncodes monodon, with about ten percent of analyzed stomach contents suggestive of scavenging" switch interrupting commas to parentheses. It's too confusing with all these commas User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:42, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"was a forager which opportunistically finds" you switch from past to present tense User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:07, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"The proportion of birds that feed–rest" why is there a dash? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- That's how it's used in the source. I would guess it's a comparison of birds that feed-rest with birds in transit as a proportion. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:48, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Better to say "feed or rest" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 16:11, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 00:26, 8 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"both fleas were neosomatic females, with legs chopped at the coxa, trochanter or femur" why is this here? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Cut. Therapyisgood (talk) 14:56, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"The IUCN could not give a specific estimate as to decline among mature individuals" you mean population trend? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 18:56, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Despite its 'very large' population size"when you put quotes around something in that fashion what you're implying the statement is alleged or in some way unreliable or subject to interpretation User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:08, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What does SAG stand for? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Added. Therapyisgood (talk) 23:14, 21 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"In April 2014, the SAG stated it 'already ... rescued' a 'large amount' of juveniles" why would you say it like this with the quotes if you're only taking out 4 isolated word? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Because I assume the government would fudge the numbers a bit so a quote would be a way of showing that. I cut the quote from "large amount". Therapyisgood (talk) 01:52, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

You shouldn't use scare quotes User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 16:11, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Cut. Therapyisgood (talk) 21:59, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"who lost their way based on lighting in cities" did you mean "because of"? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 02:12, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"evident in the region for at least ten years prior" what region is this? Are you talking about specific bright cities or artificial lights in general? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Clarified region. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:56, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"a civil organization aimed at protecting the bird" what's the name of the organization? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Added. Therapyisgood (talk) 22:46, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What does grounded mean? Is it a bird that is on the ground? A bird too injured to fly? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Added. Therapyisgood (talk) 02:56, 13 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"to mitigate the affects" → "effects" User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed. Therapyisgood (talk) 01:19, 3 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The way the last 2 paragraphs of Threats is done, the words you use seem indicate you're talking about the entirety of Chile, but the way you did it it seems to imply you're only talking about a specific region of Chile
- Clarified. Therapyisgood (talk) 14:00, 10 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What're Peru and Ecuador doing with conservation? Are they not doing anything at all? User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:07, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Added. Therapyisgood (talk) 06:15, 13 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
When you put a direct, you should say who said it User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 16:12, 7 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Added. Therapyisgood (talk) 00:36, 8 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Since not everyone as adopted the new nomenclature, Oceanodroma being paraphyletic may be still debated, so it's better to present it as an opinion of a study rather than as a fact User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 00:01, 9 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Clarified. Therapyisgood (talk) 22:07, 12 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]