Talk:Mark Cavendish/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Lizzy150 (talk · contribs) 21:50, 24 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be doing a review of this article.. should be a good read! I've skimmed half of it for now and don't see any major issues. Here's my comments so far:

The lead section could probably be condensed in to four paragraphs instead of five. Comment: ~~It is quite a long article, so five paragraphs is probably acceptable~~ (just saw MOS:LEAD), although I'll see what I can do as I agree it needs to be shorter.
"As a road cyclist, Cavendish turned professional in 2005" - we've already established that he's a road cyclist in the first paragraph, so perhaps you could remove the "As a road cyclist,"? Comment He is a track and road cyclist, so this probably remain for clarification.
"crashed with Peter Sagan" - crashed in to? Comment Okay, but crashed 'into' implies he was riding towards Sagan. I'll change nonetheless.
In the "Professional career" section, only 2005-2007 has a title next to it (Early years). Why aren't their titles for the rest? I think it will be helpful because it gives the reader an indication of what the section is about. Otherwise, it just looks incomplete. Comment agreed and will fix
Generally, there's some sentences and two line paragraphs which could be integrated into other paragraphs for more consistency. I can help sort some of these out later. Comment agreed and will fix
Personal life - perhaps bring the marriage paragraph to the top. Also, is it necessary to state that his wife was a Page 3 girl? Just "glamour model" is probably enough. Comment I know nothing of models and the like, but I will fix. And yes, the ordering of the Personal Life section seems to be a little off.
Career achievements - perhaps a sentence or two to introduce the section? I know it's got its own article, but it doesn't look right being left blank.

Comment I thought the same, but was hesitant as I have seen empty sections like this before. Will add to it though. Thanks, Willbb234^Talk (please {{ping}} me in replies) 21:58, 25 November 2019 (UTC) Will come back to the rest! Thanks, Lizzy (talk 21:50, 24 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Lizzy150: thanks for the comments! I have to go now but I'll address these issues tomorrow. Thanks again, Willbb234^Talk (please {{ping}} me in replies) 22:15, 24 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry for the wait. I didn't actually write most of this article, but I'll try my best to fix the issues and discuss with you. Next to the comment, I'll comment. Cheers, Willbb234^Talk (please {{ping}} me in replies) 21:51, 25 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Lizzy150: Hi there, just wandering if you are planning on continuing this review. It's been nearly a month. Thanks, Willbb234^Talk (please {{ping}} me in replies) 20:13, 21 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Willbb234: Thanks for prodding me to review this. I had some review notes on my PC which I was supposed to add. Here’s the rest of my review. With some fine-tuning, I think it will eventually pass GA requirements.

Lead section

The third paragraph is a bit big. Consider splitting this into two. Done
“Cavendish also won the points classification in all three of the grand tours: the 2010 Vuelta a España, the 2011 Tour de France, and the 2013 Giro d'Italia.” – you should reduce some words here, eg. ‘Cavendish also won the points classification in all three of the grand tours of 2010, 2011 and 2013.’ (Each year can link to their respective articles) Not done - I feel like this should stay for clarity. Wikilinks shouldn't have to fill information left out, in my opinion
“Cavendish continued producing good results until August 2018, when he was diagnosed with Epstein-Barr virus.” – this sentence should be placed at the end of the paragraph as it happened more recently. Try to keep events in chronological order. Done
Overall, just ensure the lead captures his key achievements and races. You can always go into more detail later. Done

Early life

Might be a nit-pick but the hyphen has been used 3 times, eg. ‘a week—financial management’. Consider using another word / punctuation. Done

2005-2007

First sentence should not be on its own. Done
Image is a bit big. Resize if possible. Done
“This led to a full professional contract for 2007 and 2008.” – source needed Done couldn't find a source, so deleted the sentence and added a ref elsewhere

2008

“At around halfway through the race they appeared to be out of contention, with their closest rivals all gaining a lap. With thirty-five laps left to race, however, Wiggins launched an attack which helped them reach the field ten laps later […] They held on to win the gold medal, finishing with nineteen points, ahead of Germany on thirteen.” – these sentences look identical to Bradley Wiggins’ article. I understand similarities will be inevitable. If it can be reworded, do so. Not done copying within Wikipedia is acceptable. I didn't write this, but I feel it should stay as it is. See Wikipedia:Copying within Wikipedia
“thanks to the superior points” – sounds a bit informal, perhaps ‘because of the superior points’? Done
“his first coming on stage five.” – he won his first at stage five? Might need rephrasing. Done
“agreed that riding the Alps was a risk to his Olympic hopes.” – is that sourced? Done no ref found so removed and added ref elsewhere
Is “Madison” meant to be capitalised? Not done the majority of the word 'madison' in the article is with lower-case, so I'll just keep it like that.

2009

“after a week of uncharacteristically humble pre-race statements”- that sounds a bit informal / not encyclopaedic, perhaps ‘after modest pre-race statements’?. Also source needed at the end of sentence. Done As stated in the personal life section, "Cavendish has been described as confident, even arrogant. In 2008 he said: "When journalists at the Tour de France ask me if I am the best sprinter, I answer 'Yes', and that's seen as arrogance, but if they don't ask me, I don't say I'm the best sprinter in the world." So "uncharacteristically humble" is probably appropriate here, but I can see where you are coming from. Anyway, I've removed the sentence as I couldn't find a ref.
“won the team time trial and was given the pink leader's jersey” – missing the word ‘he’? Done
“The first two road stages, however, were fruitless for Cavendish, who was beaten to the line by Petacchi in the first stage. He was caught behind a crash and failed to make it back for the sprint the next day. Cavendish soon asserted his sprinting dominance on the race, however, gaining three stage wins before abandoning it after stage thirteen, citing a need to rest in preparation for the Tour de France.” – is there a source? Done

2010

Sources needed for first and last sentences. Done

2011

“shrugging off claims” – too informal, perhaps ‘denying claims’ Done

2012

“contention for victory” – perhaps ‘competing for victory’. You’ve used contention twice in this section already. Not done - I think they're far enough apart not to make any difference. Also, I don't think any other word would fit well inits place.
“causing the field to stack up behind” – perhaps ‘causing a bottleneck behind’? Or ‘casualties behind’? Done
“Cavendish's main target for the season..” – I assume this is all sourced in the source at the end of the paragraph. Done (added refs)

2013

“The next day, he timed his finish perfectly to win the punishing stage thirteen, his fourth victory of the 2013 race.” – I assume that’s sourced Done added ref
“and third the Madison” – missing a word there? Done
Combine last paragraph with the previous one. Done

2014

“he was winless.” – I don’t think ‘winless’ is in the dictionary Not done - [1] scroll down a little bit to see it in the collins english dictionary. Also see [2]

2015

“he was caught up” – perhaps ‘he was involved’ Done
“joining forces” – perhaps ‘collaborating’? Done

2016

“Cavendish rode the Tour of Qatar for the second time in his career” – is it his second time? I thought he competed more? Also, sources are needed here. Done
“prepare for the Rio Olympics” – add wiki link to Olympics. Not done - already linked in 2013 section
“Cavendish finally won an Olympic medal” – source needed Done
“The pair went on to race at the Six Days of Ghent, this time beating De Ketele and De Pauw to take the overall victory.” – source needed Done

2017

“Others shared Hayles' opinion, stating it was more Cavendish's fault” – I assume that’s sourced Note: one reference states that "The near universal opinion among NBC Sports Network commentators and tweets by former riders is that a disqualification is not justified and even senseless", so yes, it is sourced.

Riding style

This section also covers crashes and incidents, perhaps the title should reflect that? Done
“CHF200 fine.” – we should give figure in GBP as well, eg. (approximately GBP£160) Done
“sending the Argos-Shimano rider tumbling.” – source needed Done - moved sources around
“Cavendish has been described as confident, even arrogant.” – that’s a bold statement, if its true, please source Done - yes, I would agree it's a bold statement but I have now backed it up with sources

General points:

Be consistent - if these words should be capitalised or not: madisons > Madisons, classics > Classics Done

Overall, these are the main issues that need fixing. There’s a couple of things that I can do later as well. I hope this was useful. Happy Christmas! Just Lizzy^(talk) 14:52, 22 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Lizzy150: hi there. I have completed all of the above. Thanks, Willbb234^Talk (please {{ping}} me in replies) 17:09, 19 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Willbb234: Thanks for making all the changes / and defending the ones you didn't do. I have read the article and made some minor changes myself.

PROSE: Overall, this was good and easy to read. Going forward, I'd try to keep paragraphs consistent and avoid too many short ones. I've cleaned up most of them for now. Also, try to use different pronouns, eg. 'The cyclist did this' rather than 'Cavendish did this'. There were hundreds of 'Cavendish' throughout the article, so I've swapped some to 'The cyclist' instead.

SOURCES: Well referenced and sufficient citations. Going forward, add archive links to web URLs (boring task, I know). No copyright violations detected.

COVERAGE: Stays focused and on-topic.

NEUTRAL/STABLE: Yes

ILLUSTRATED: Yes plenty of images, properly tagged with captions. Going forward, try to keep images spaced out and in chronological order of article.

Nothing else concerns me with this article, so I'm passing now! One thing - the 'Career achievements' section is still blank. I'd recommend you add a few sentences there. Thanks, Just Lizzy^(talk) 20:54, 21 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]