Talk:Marina Diamandis/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Azealia911 (talk · contribs) 07:14, 1 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Infobox and lead

Main image needs an alternative text.
"performing at Roundhouse" → "performing at the Roundhouse"
Would it be worth linking the instruments listed in that parameter?
"to achieve a dream of" → "to achieve her dream of"
The lead overall is well written, but it seems very 'bare bones'-y, is there anything else you could add to buff it up? You only lend one sentance to each album, so padding that with prose about how the albums were critically received, how they did commercially in other countries, how she dramatically changes her style each 'era', comments about the whole Electra Heart story would be a good start.

Early life and career beginnings

In the second paragraph you edit out 'my' and replace it with '[her]', but you leave 'I' instead of 'her' in the first sentence, be consistent.
Is the fact that her first keyboard was from Argos really vital?
- Maybe not. I included it because it seemed to go along with her being a DIY musician with little formal background, as Argos is a general retailer and not a specific shop for musical supplies. '''tAD''' (talk) 16:48, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ah ok, you can re-add it if you like, it just looked odd to me as a UK editor to see exactly which high street chain she bought her first keyboard haha. Azealia911 _talk

Mermaid vs. Sailor redirects to her discography page, unlink.

Done

Musical career

The three images require alternative text.
You differ between tone in the image captions, you use "performing at *venue*, Month Year" twice, while you use "performing at *venue* in Month Year" once, be consistent in one.
- You have a really keen eye for detail! '''tAD''' (talk) 16:50, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

You waited nearly a month for a review, the least I can do is make sure it's thorough! Azealia911 _talk

Done

2009–10: The Family Jewels

"while her second extended play The Crown Jewels EP" Don't you mean her debut?
How was "Mowgli's Road" the lead single from The Family Jewels when "Obsessions" was released eight months before it?
- Personally I didn't write this bit. I think it is referring to MR coming out around the same time as the promotion for the album, but she said herself that she released it as a left-field kind of track. If anything, Hollywood was the most promoted song and would be more deserving of the title "lead single" '''tAD''' (talk) 17:51, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hmm...unless we have sources backing up how promoted each single was, it may be best to just leave 'lead single' from the article and just list them chronologically. Azealia911 _talk

The Crown Jewels EP redirects to her discography page, unlink.
"Atlantic Records signed Diamandis to Chop Shop Records in the United States." When?
The American Jewels EP redirects to her discography page, unlink.
"she released her third extended play The American Jewels EP" It's confusing as a reader that you don't mention her second EP, which is understandable considering that it was an iTunes Festival EP. However, it would be good to include a sentence about how she performed at the festival and thus her second EP was a collection of live recordings from the event.
Mention how The Family Jewels charted on the US Top Rock Albums chart.
""I Am Not a Robot" was serviced as the third single" It was the fourth counting "Obsessions", the same corrections should be made when referring to "Oh No!" as the fourth and "Shampain" as the fifth singles from the album.
Link "Oh No! and "Shampain".

Done

2011–13: Electra Heart

Remove "eventually".
Mention about how "Primadonna" is also certified in Australia, Denmark and New Zealand, and how "How to Be a Heartbreaker" is certified in Denmark.

Done

2014–16: Froot

Diamandis hasn't died and 2016 isn't over, she's also still touring so the section should be titled "2014–present: Froot"
- This makes sense what you have suggested. Per current interest, this has been the section IP editors have been most interested in, so that explains the strange dating
Three paragraphs seems unnecessary for little under 200 words.
"an upcoming third studio." → "an upcoming third studio album."
"was announced for release on 3 April 2015" please reword, it's confusing as to whether the albums release date was announced on 3 April or it's release date was announced to be 3 April.
Nothing about the commercial performance of Froot anywhere other than the US? Even in her home country?
Hmm, this section is rather short in comparison to the other sections, and it currently stands at an aforementioned less than 200 words. It could be buffed up with mentions of the unconventional meet and greets she did on the Neon Nature Tour, her [FAQin Hells http://www.fuse.tv/2016/03/marina-the-diamonds-anxiety-depression-faqin-hell] as a means of releasing new information about her music.

I've expanded this section slightly. As the singles were mostly not eligible for charting, that could be why it is shorter. Some of the coverage of its left-field lyrical content has been put in the musical style section '''tAD''' (talk) 19:52, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I've also read that her performance at Lollapalooza Brazil was cancelled because of a flight delay, but as this is not attributable to herself or her personnel, I won't insert it in the article '''tAD''' (talk) 19:53, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Musical style and influences

Add something about the genres of Froot when discussing the genres of her first two albums.
PopMatters should be presented in italics.

Done

Public image

What label is she signed to? You say she managed by Neon Gold for six months in 2009, but reference them as her label when talking about her 2013 clothing line?
- The URL for this link now redirects to something completely different, and now it's hard to find any third-party information on this line. '''tAD''' (talk) 19:22, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing about her close public friendship with Charli XCX? I was surprised to see that she wasn't mentioned in the article at all.

Tours

Add ";Headliner" below the title of the section.
Tour years should be presented in the same way as section titles are, so "(2011–12)" not "(2011–2012)"

Done

Awards and nominations

6 entries need sourcing.
Brits isn't in capitals.
Use italics for NME, Glamour and Attitude.
Are all of these awards for Diamandis herself as opposed to specific works like her songs or albums?
- By the looks of the titles, I would think so '''tAD''' (talk) 19:26, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

References

I won't point out each specific issue with each reference but here are some tips to apply to the references:
Make sure you link the first usage of every work, for example Glamour should be linked in reference one but not reference 82 (which for some reason is presented as glamourmagazine.co.uk).
DON'T SHOUT IN REFERENCE TITLES.
Stamp out violations of WP:NDASH.
Add a {{subscription required}} to refs 27 and 89.

External links

Persondata is deprecated, please remove it.

Done

Post-review comments

Thankyou for bearing with me and being patient in waiting for me to review the article. Give me a ping when you think you've addressed all of the concerns I raised Azealia911 _talk 22:38, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Azealia911 – because new references have been put in, can you give me the title/work of these references that need a subscription note? Thank you '''tAD''' (talk) 19:55, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The two references are now numbers 33 and 104, "Derulo and GaGa take chart honours" and "BT Digital Music Awards winners". Azealia911 _talk

I'm also aware of the issue with the lead having one paragraph shorter than the other two. I'll get to sorting that out sometime. Not that I'm out of energy, but suggestions can help (I am writing this for other people, so I would like to know what they want) '''tAD''' (talk) 21:45, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Azealia911 pretty sure the problems are solved now. If you have time, do a brief run through to see if all is well. '''tAD''' (talk) 21:44, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great job on the article, passing with pleasure. Azealia911 _talk 22:50, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.