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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

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This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): CELINEZ.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 00:33, 18 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

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This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Ineagoe. Peer reviewers: GinaMessick, Sarahq786.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 03:22, 17 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Verb Tense Misuse

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It seems like there are some issues regarding tense in the article, for example in the sentence "She has been the script editor and has written many episodes of the American television series, Without a Trace (2003)" wouldn't it make more sense to say "she was" as opposed to "she has been" since her work on Without a Trace (2003) takes place exclusively in the past (Without a Trace was cancelled in 2009).

I think it would benefit the fluidity of the article to go through and double check and make sure the correct verb tense is used.

Sarahq786 (talk) 01:06, 16 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Relatedness

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Some sentences contained clauses that didn't make sense together. I think it would benefit the cohesiveness of the article to rake through all sentences containing more than one clause to make sure there positioning is purposeful and decipherable.

I think the following sentences were a little confusing, either due to the wording or the positioning of ideas. "Maggenti began thinking about the script with the image of a tomboy, who she later realized was based on her first girlfriend." "Maggenti's involvement writing for the crime series "Without a Trace" was a transition due to the fact that she was working alongside others instead of alone; as she had been doing for ten years." "While she did enjoy being in the company of "all these smart people" she adds that from a lifestyle point of view, she didn't like "the idea that we had to work Monday through Friday every day in an office for 11 straight months"."

Sarahq786 (talk) 01:05, 16 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Personal Life

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The section "Personal Life" seems to be mislabeled. The majority of the writing under this heading doesn't have to do with her personal life, rather career or charity work.

I don't think the following sentences belong under the heading "Personal Life", as they are readily available as public information: "In Los Angeles, she wrote for the crime series "Without a Trace", which was released in 2002." "She has been involved with the AIDS activist group ACT UP, which works to impact the lives of people with AIDS." Sarahq786 (talk) 01:05, 16 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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I went ahead and deleted an accidental bracket in the early life section and comma in the awards section. Many of your links show up in red meaning they are incorrect or take you to no other wikipedia page. I would go through them and try to correct them or if a page does not already exist for what you're trying to refer to its is probably best to not use the brackets in the code at all. Also if you use the format found here, Wikipedia:Citation templates for siting the web your References section will be in list form and that might look more organized. Other than that you contributed a lot of good material, good job! — Preceding unsigned comment added by GinaMessick (talkcontribs) 05:42, 16 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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