Talk:Margaret Llewelyn Davies/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 16:41, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I will be taking a look at this! — Ghost River 16:41, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Infobox and lede

No comma after "British social activist"
Swap colon for comma after "in the organization's history"
"from Guild member" → "from Guild members"
Extra space after (1931) and before comma"
The third paragraph of the lede can probably be cut as WP:UNDUE; her father is not the main subject here

Amended as per the above. I've kept the final sentence of what was the third para, and added it to the second para. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:04, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

"the daughter of Mary (née Crompton) and John Llewelyn Davies. She was the youngest of seven children." → "the youngest of seven children born to Mary (née Crompton) and John Llewelyn Davies."
"and who was a fellow" → "as well as a fellow"
"where Margaret ~~Llewelyn Davis~~ studied"

Amended as per the three points above. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:04, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Career

"Known" in Life as we have Known it is capitalized in the lede and body but not in the quote box
Use pipes so that "Kirkby Lonsdale" isn't repeated, and the sentence ends "St Mary's Church"
Two close paraphrasing issues in this paragraph:
- "and the Guild began to advocate for women to be able to divorce on the same terms as men, for example due to adultery, which could be the basis for divorce if committed by a woman but not if committed by a man." → "and the Guild began to advocate for divorce equality. At this time, for example, adultery could only be the basis for divorce of committed by a woman, not by her husband."
- "divorce should be available after a married couple had been separated for two years" → "a married couple should be allowed to divorce after a separation period of two years"
"including its Roman Catholic members"
"the annual grant of £400 to the Guild from the central board of the Co-operative Union being stopped." → "a stoppage of the annual grant of £400 to the Guild from the central board of the Co-operative Union."
"Davies was considered to be such a significant figure in the Guild that Catherine Webb considered Davies's retirement such a significant loss for the Guild that she began writing The Woman with the Basket, her history of the guild to that time." → "Davies was considered such a significant figure in the Guild, and her retirement such a loss, that Catherine Webb began writing The Woman with the Basket, a history of the Guild to that point."
Her pacifism ("Davies was a promoted and dedicated pacifist of her era") is already mentioned two paragraphs above
Split the last two paragraphs of this section into a separate header titled "Later life and legacy"

Amended as per the above. Many thanks for providing the alternative phrasings. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:04, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

Good

General comments

Photo is relevant and properly licensed
No stability concerns in the revision history
Copyvio score is mostly good, save for some close paraphrasing noted above

That's all I've got. Putting on hold now to allow nominator to address comments; feel free to ping me with any questions. — Ghost River 18:08, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for taking on the review and for the constucive comments, GhostRiver. Hopefully I've addressed the points above to your satisfaction, but let me know if anything else is required. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:04, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for making those changes! I made one quick grammar fix myself, and I'll be passing now! — Ghost River 22:06, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]