Talk:Manuel Trujillo Durán/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 17:02, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

Review

Will review! Stay put. MX (✉ • ✎) 17:02, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

Lead paragraph

• Size – I think it should be at least 4 sentences, but not more than one paragraph given the size of the article. Please expand on the major points.

• References – Why don't you remove the references from the lead and add his DOB/POB in a section called "Early life"? I also think it would be good if you incorporate his death date and place somewhere in the body.

Infobox

• Notable works – If they are notable, why aren't they mentioned in the body paragraphs? I would love this info somewhere in the sections, which a short description on why they were impactful/important. Information in the infoboxes is generally recommended to be cited and mentioned elsewhere in the body paragraphs, per WP:INFOBOXCITE

Photography

• "El rayo de luz" photo studio – Strong suggestion, but I would add the English translation too in parenthesis.

• Here, he would produce and develop images for his magazine of the same name from 1897. – From 1897 to what year? Or do you mean "starting in 1897"?

• It is suggested that he built the studio himself, as he was eager and attentive to carpentry. – Who suggested this? For simplicity, I would simply removed the "it is suggested" and simply state the facts as is.

• He also founded the Gutenberg newspaper. – What's the name of the newspaper? The Gutenburg?

• In the 1897 Commercial Directory of American Republics, his registered profession is photographer. – "... In the 1897 Commercial Directory of American Republics, his registered profession was photographer", or something of that nature.

Film pioneering

• Trujillo was a photographer by trade and an associate of Luis Manuel Méndez – I would recommend a brief description of who Mr. Méndez is. A simple "... an associate of film technician Luis Manuel Méndez", for example, helps.

• For many years[note 1] it was believed that Trujillo had brought the technology to Venezuela himself – Instead of putting "it was believed" (which may trigger an "According to whom?" tag), I would recommend saying that "... film scholars believed that ..."

• and this still appears in some records – What are your thoughts on putting this as a footnote? It disrupts the flow a bit, but it is important to keep this fact somewhere. Now, I would recommend removing the "still" and specifying what dates. "Still" can get outdated, per MOS:NOW.

• but as film scholarship appeared in the nation records showed Méndez to have been the man who got the film projector in New York City. – Awkward phrasing, consider rephrasing.

• It is perhaps fortunate that Méndez brought the technology to Maracaibo, – The world "fortunate" may be considered a WP:WEASEL word. Consider rephrasing this sentence and the flow of the rest.

Legacy

• Though it is generally now agreed that Trujillo – "Now" can be outdated per MOS:NOW; rephrase

• it is still a widespread belief in the nation that he did make the first Venezuelan films in 1897. – Ditto with "still"; I would also change "nation" to "country", since nation is a completely different term that what I think you mean.

• In an article, film scholar Arturo Serrano discusses this – Better rephrased to: "Film scholar Arturo Serrano wrote an article that discussed this ..."

• This hasn't stopped Trujillo from becoming a legend in Venezuela Change "hasn't" to "did not"; and I would recommend changing "legend" to "icon", since it is more neutral and encyclopedic. I couldn't find any reference to this in the source, however. Is there a specific statement that mentions this?

References

• Serrano, Arturo. "The Beginnings of Cinema in Venezuela: The arrival of Cinema in Venezuela (1896–1907)". Retrieved 14 December 2018. – Needs publisher.

• Zulia State Council. "Historia de Manuel Trujillo Durán". Consejo Legislativo del Zulia. Retrieved 27 October 2017. – Needs the (in Spanish) template format

• Villalobos Finol, Orlando (July 2013). "La casa de la bahía. Memorias de Manuel Trujillo Durán, PDVSA, Maracaibo, Venezuela" (PDF). Quórum Académico. 10 (2): 343–344. – Same here

• Antillano, Laura (20 November 2016). "Homenaje a Manuel Trujillo Durán". Notitarde. Archived from the original on 28 October 2017. Retrieved 27 October 2017. – Same here

• Izaguirre, Rodolfo (1984). La integración cinematográfica iberoamericana. La utopía al alcance de los cineastas (PDF) (73 ed.). NUEVA SOCIEDAD. p. 85. Retrieved 15 December 2018. – Same here, and remove the CAPS from the publisher

• Iribarren. "IRIBARREN Films: Érase una vez unos muchachos bañándose en la laguna de Maracaibo". IRIBARREN Films. Retrieved 12 September 2019. – Same here with the (in Spanish) template format

• Carro, Nelson (1997). "Un siglo de cine en América Latina". Política y Cultura (8): 242. Retrieved 15 December 2018. – Same here

• "FESTIVAL DEL CORTOMETRAJE NACIONAL MANUEL TRUJILLO DURÁN INICIO". Festival Manuel Trujillo Durán website (in Spanish). Retrieved 15 December 2018. – Remove SHOUTING

Response

@MX: - thanks for the review, I have actioned everything mentioned, and built up the page more. What do you think? Kingsif (talk) 23:15, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

• Satisfied with the changes done! I've copyedited the article a bit, too. Please review and feel free to change anything you don't see fit. I'm passing the article now. MX (✉ • ✎) 15:52, 13 September 2019 (UTC)