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GA Review

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Reviewer: Midnightblueowl (talk · contribs) 14:16, 19 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]


Just so you know, Midnightblueowl, I'm done with your comments at the moment. Cheers, Vanamonde (talk) 05:14, 5 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and family

[edit]
  • Done
  • Fixed
  • Reworded
  • Done
  • Fixed
  • Done
  • Linked
  • Done
  • If possible, it might be good to see some of the 'Family' related material moved into its own section. Having a statement like "All four members of his immediate family were alive at the time of his death" seems a little incongruous and out of place in a section mostly devoted to his early years. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:04, 19 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not a fan of one-paragraph sections, especially when the paragraph is so short. Also, his family is so tied in with his early life...since that sentence sounded incongruous, I've moved it into the death section.
  • Done
  • Done
  • "Noriega's mother has been variously described as a cook or a laundress, while his father was an accountant. Neither had a lengthy presence in his life: his mother died of tuberculosis when he was still a child. Noriega was brought up by a godmother[2][8][9] in a one-room apartment in the slum area of Terraplén.[10] Authors and journalists have suggested that Noriega was in fact the illegitimate son of his father, Ricaurte Noriega, and his father's domestic worker, whose family name was Moreno.[10][8]" I think that a rewrite would work well here. For instance we mention his mother and father and describe their professions a sentence before giving their names. Really we would want to see their names at the very first mention. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:03, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done for the father, mother's name unknown
  • "During his time in the Socialist youth group he took part in protests, as well as authoring articles criticizing the U.S. presence in Panama." - definitely worth placing a citation at the end of this particular sentence as the next sentence moves on to quite a different topic. I would also strongly recommend spitting the paragraph at this point; it is quite long and this is the ideal place to divide it. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:59, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • " During his time in Instituto Nacional he met his older brother Luis, also a student at the school. Manuel had not previously met his siblings. Luis was a socialist activist, and introduced Manuel to politics, including recruiting him into the Socialist party's youth wing. At some point in school Manuel began living with his brother.[" I'm wondering if we could slim this down a little bit by merging some of the very short sentences. For example "Noriega had not previously met his siblings, and it was at the Instituto Nacional that he first met his older brother Luis, who also studied there. Manuel began living with Luis, who introduced him to politics and recruited him into the Socialist Party's youth wing." Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:58, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded
  • Done
  • Done
  • "The U.S. also paid Noriega $10.70 payment in 1955, which would be the first of many payments he would receive for his activities" - this could be tied in with the previous sentence quite easily, perhaps after a semi-colon. It also could be rid of the "also". Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:09, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • "After graduating from the Instituto Nacional, Noriega won a scholarship to Chorrillos Military School in the Peruvian capital of Lima, with the help of Luis, who had by then received a position in the Panamanian embassy in Peru.[18][19][13] He had previously harboured intentions of becoming a doctor"... Why do we mention the desire to become a doctor after the Peruvian scholarship given that it occurred first? Best to rearrange these sentences so that it better matches the chronology of events. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:10, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • "Noriega married Felicidad Sieiro de Noriega, whom he had met in the 1960s, and the couple had three daughters" - how about "In the 1960s, Noriega met Felicidad Sieiro de Noriega; they later married and had three daughters". That way we place their meeting (which happened first) at the start of the sentence. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:55, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Trying to avoid potential proseline issues by mixing up phrasing
  • Perhaps, but this is more topical, IMO

National Guard career

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  • Could go either way, I guess, but I divided it finally based on his contacts: it was Luiz who got him into Peru, but it was military contacts that he left with.
  • Reworded: didn't like the possibility of parsing the sentence as the national guard being posted to Colon
  • Done
  • Seems right to me...isn't the rule of thumb something like "if each side could be a complete sentence, then colon"?
  • Done
  • Done
  • Added
  • Done
  • There's already a "Several" in the next sentence...
Fixed
  • Reworded, but can only separate them a little. Kinda hard to avoid without convoluted wording.
  • ack.
  • Done
  • Reworded
  • Done
  • Done
  • Well, it's an interesting tidbit: he wore the patch even after relations had soured: but its too small to go in the capture section. If you still don't like it, I'll remove it.
  • Okay, done
  • It's a bit unclear, to be honest.
  • Done
  • Done
  • I think the present version flows a little easier.
  • "Noriega performed poorly in his classes in the school. However, in 1966 he received a promotion, and Torrijos found him a job as an intelligence officer in the "North Zone" of the National Guard" - Perhaps we could clip this down to "Despite a poor academic performance, in 1966 he received a promotion, with Torrijos appointing him as an intelligence officer in the National Guard's "North Zone"." Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:17, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • The promotion and the intelligence job are distinct, though. reworded.
  • "Reports have suggested that he continued to pass intelligence to the U.S. during this period, about the activities of the plantation workers." Perhaps we need an extra word or two here, such as a "particularly" before the "about"? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:18, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • " Noriega continued to have a close relationship with the School of the Americas during his Presidency, partly due to the latter having an outpost in Panama." Perhaps " Noriega contiretained a close relationship with the School of the Americas during his Presidency, partly due to the latter's Panamanian outpost." Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:20, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded

1968 coup

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  • Done
  • Done
  • Yes, done
  • "A power struggle followed between the various forces supporting the coup, and chiefly between Torrijos and Martínez.[" This one does not read too well. Initially I though it meant that the pro-coup forces were struggling against Torrijos and Martinez. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:22, 20 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded: better?
  • Or the Greenday song ;)
  • Torrijos's. Fixed.
  • Done
  • In this case, I agree
  • Torrijos :) Fixed
  • "Arnulfo Arias had been elected president in 1968" - "was elected"? Also, do we know the month of the election; I think that that would really help here given that we are discussing the events of a single year. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:31, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded, will find the date soon as I get back to my copy of Dinges
  • Done
  • Fixed
  • "Noriega received a promotion to lieutenant colonel and was appointed chief of military intelligence by Torrijos" - Maybe we could bring in more active voice here by saying "Torrijos promoted Noriega to the position of lieutenant colonel and appointed him chief of military intelligence". Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:31, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • Reworded.

Head of intelligence

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  • "He also kept files on a number of officials within the military, the government, and the judiciary, which would later allow him to blackmail them" - This could be trimmed back to something like "He also kept files on several officials within the military, the government, and the judiciary, later allowing him to blackmail them". Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:45, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • "The relationship between Noriega and the U.S. intelligence services became regularized in the 1970s, when Noriega was on the CIA payroll;[39] the CIA made its first regular payment to Noriega in 1971", Again, we could do some trimming, particularly to avoid the three appearances of "Noriega" in one sentence. How about "Noriega's relationship with and the U.S. intelligence services was regularized during the 1970s, when he was on the CIA payroll;[39] the CIA made its first regular payment to him in 1971." Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:45, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • Done
  • Done
  • Done

Death of Torrijos

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  • done
  • Same issue as elsewhere: we're not talking of a person taking power in an election or a popular uprising, but a hereditary authoritarian ruler. "Dictator" is a problem, agreed, but "President" is inadequate. Gone with "authoritarian ruler".
  • Done
  • Done
  • Done
  • done
  • Strange as it may sound, that's what Dinges is saying, and in the contorted world of Central American politics, it's unsurprising.
  • Reworded
  • Done
  • Done
  • Fixed
  • welp
  • Fixed
  • Done
  • Paredes
  • Done

1984 election

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  • "He also did not have a particular social or economic ideology. The idea he used to unify his supporters was military nationalism" - best to merge these somehow. Something like "Although lacking any particular social or economic ideology, Noriega unified his supporters around military nationalism". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:19, 5 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded
  • Fair point. Rather tricky, because the occupation of these is unclear, as is their status as employees, and things like "goons" would not be neutral. gone with "administration" for now.
  • Done
  • Done
  • Done
  • The sentence beginning "Despite recognizing the flaws in the election process" would work better if pulled back from the very end of the sentence, perhaps placed before the sentence that currently precedes it. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:19, 5 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done

Drug and weapons operations

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  • "In the early 1980s, a number of military conflicts began in Latin America, as guerrilla warfare broke out in Colombia, El Salvador, Guatemala, and Nicaragua" - trimming it back, we could have something like "During the early 1980s, civil wars broke out in Colombia, El Salvador, Guatemala, and Nicaragua". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:24, 5 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • Done
  • "a groups of " - "group".
  • Fixed
  • Details provided, though it's really wordy
  • Done
  • Done
  • Linked when that specific phrase appears
  • Reworded, I believe it was not a single operation
  • Done
  • Done

Murder of Spafadora

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  • If you are concerned with undue weight, perhaps we should look at retitling. I don't believe the content is too detailed here, as this period was fairly crucial to his career, and is highlighted by the sources.
  • Done
  • "he was a vocal critic of Noriega beginning in 1981 when Spadafora returned to Panama from Guatemala" - not sure that "beginning" is the right term here. How about "after returning to Panama from Guatemala in 1981, he became a vocal critic of Noriega"? Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:45, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded

1989 election

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  • Done
  • "the U.S. began to suspect that Noriega was lending his support to other intelligence services, as well as to drug-trafficking groups" - this can be edited down a fair bit, perhaps "the U.S. suspected that Noriega was lending his support to other intelligence services and drug-trafficking groups". Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:51, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded: the "began" is necessary to preserve the meaning, I think
  • "The elections of May 1989 were surrounded by controversy. A PRD-led coalition nominated Carlos Duque, publisher of the country's oldest newspaper, La Estrella de Panamá. " - nominated him for what? I'm guessing the Presidency, in which case we should mention "The presidential elections of May 1989". Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:51, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • Reworded: that was rather dramatic on my part
  • Done

Genesis

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  • Done
  • Reworded
  • True
  • "servicemen were unarmed and in a private vehicle and that they attempted " - "and... and" is a bit repetitive. How about "servicemen were traveling unarmed in a private vehicle and that they attempted". Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:12, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • Done

Invasion

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  • Is it necessary? To me, the flow of information is logical here. NVM, looking at the wrong section. Done.
  • "The U.S. invasion of Panama was launched on December 20, 1989" - "The U.S. invaded Panama on December 20, 1989"? Or perhaps, the longer "The U.S. launched its invasion of Panama on December 20, 1989", which has the advantage over the current wording of using active voice. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:40, 13 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done
  • Our article on the subject uses this form: see here.
  • Duplicated.
  • Yes, done
  • It's the language used by the resolution; I've placed it in quotes.
  • Done

Capture

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  • "has been reported to have taken shelter with several politicians that supported him" - "reportedly took shelter with several supportive politicians"
  • Done
  • Done
  • Done
  • Fixed
  • The precise date seems unavailable, though I will look.

Prosecution in the United States

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  • Done
  • "Complex legal maneuvering over whether Noriega could be tried after his detention as a prisoner of war, the admissibility of evidence and witnesses, and how to pay for Noriega's legal defense delayed the start of the trial until September 1991." - this sentence might work better if it starts with the latter part, for instance "The start of the trial was delayed until September 1991 due to complex legal maneuvering over whether Noriega could be tried after his detention as a prisoner of war, the admissibility of evidence and witnesses, and how to pay for Noriega's legal defense." Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:47, 19 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Much better, thanks.
  • "Noriega insisted that "the actual figure approached $10,000,000, and that he should be allowed to disclose the tasks he had performed for the United States". The district court held that the "information about the content of the discrete operations in which Noriega had engaged in exchange for the alleged payments was irrelevant to his defense". It ruled that "the tendency of such evidence to confuse the issues before the jury substantially outweighed any probative value it might have had."" - I think that we might have too much direct quotation here; wherever possible, change it to paraphrasing. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:47, 19 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Done
  • Done
  • Removed.

Prosecution in France

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  • Perhaps this might work better as a sub-section of the previous section, which could in turn simply be called "Prosecution and imprisonment===
  • Done
  • "a U.S. federal judge approved a request from the French government to extradite Noriega from the United States to France after his release." - Perhaps this could be trimmed down a bit: "a U.S. federal judge approved the French government's request to extradite Noriega to France after his release from the Florida prison." Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:50, 19 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded
  • "In August 2007, a U.S. federal judge approved a request from the French government to extradite Noriega from the United States to France after his release. Noriega has also received a long jail term in absentia in Panama for murder and human rights abuses. Noriega appealed his extradition to France because he claimed that country would not honor his legal status as a prisoner of war.[" The middle sentence just feels really out of place here; I'd scrap it, particularly as it replicates information that also appears later in that paragraph. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:54, 19 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done

Return, illness, and death

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  • I'd rather not, to be honest, because it doesn't fit well with either imprisonment or with legacy, in my view.
  • Done
  • "On February 5, 2012, Noriega was moved from the El Renacer prison to the " - El Renacer was mentioned in the previous sentence so we might be able to go with simple "On February 5, 2012, Noriega was moved to the " Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:04, 19 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • done
  • "he suffered a brain hemorrhage during surgery to remove a benign tumor which left him in critical condition" - we've already mentioned the tumour so no need to do so here. It would be better to go with something like "During surgery to remove the tumour, on March 7, 2017 he suffered a brain haemorrhage which left him in a critical condition in the intensive care unit of Panama City's Santo Tomas hospital." Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:04, 19 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done

Image and legacy

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  • Done
  • Fixed
  • Fixed
  • Reworded
[edit]
  • Done
  • Added computer game: country of origin reads very odd to me in this context, so leaving it out for now.
  • Done
  • "In gameplay Noriega's character is referred to as "Old Pineapple Face", by fictional character Frank Woods. The name "Old Pineapple Face" was an actual nickname for Noriega used by Panamanians" - How about: "In the game, the fictional character Frank Woods refers to Noriega as "Old Pineapple Face", a nickname originally applied to the President by Panamanians." Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:46, 27 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yeah, much better.
  • Done. Also replaced the source; though the information is non-controversial, I hadn't noticed it was the WSJ blog, not their edited content.

Images

[edit]
  • Added one, will work on adding more
  • Added another, of Carter and Torrijos: if you'd prefer one of just Torrijos, I can swap that in.
  • Also added image of the Contras. I'll stop at this point because I don't want to go overboard on indirectly related images, but will add a particularly good one if I find it.

Citations

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  • Some sources, such as 66 (Koster, R.M.; Sánchez, Guillermo (1990). In the Time of the Tyrants: Panama, 1968–1990), 107 (Noriega, Manuel; Eisner, Peter (1997). America's Prisoner: The Memoirs of Manuel Noriega), and 128 (^ Albert, Steven (1993). The case against the General: Manuel Noriega and the politics of American justice.) lack page numbers. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:34, 5 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Midnightblueowl: I will work on this, but it might be best to proceed with the review, as I've addressed the other points. @Rgr09: You added two of those citations: I do not have full access to them. Can you please provide the page numbers for those, and in particular for ref 66? Regards, Vanamonde (talk) 08:24, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Vanamonde93: I have added page numbers for the Albert reference at 128. The reason these cover almost two hundred pages is because almost half the book deals with the subject of this footnote, the 18+ month period from Noriega's capture to the start of his trial. I gave page numbers for the two references I changed to cite Koster and Sanchez. None of the other 11 references to this book, including the current fn 66, were from me. I do have a copy of the book, however; since these references have not yet been verified, I will verify and put page numbers in. If there are problems, I will comment on the talk page. Rgr09 (talk) 12:31, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Rgr09: Thank you, that is much appreciated. I do not own the book myself. Just FYI: when pinging someone, you need to sign the ping in the same edit, else it does not take. In this case it wasn't a problem, because I was watching this page. Regards, Vanamonde (talk) 13:07, 6 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Formatting

[edit]
  • Well I thought about it but as currently structured there are temporally overlapping sections. We could look at this again as the article develops, perhaps, but I think for the GAN it's best to leave this as is.

Lede

[edit]
  • "with longstanding ties to United States intelligence agencies. " - Not needed here in the first paragraph. It feels a little like it's deliberately pushing a particular angle or POV by providing said information at this juncture. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:55, 27 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Well, the original lead said he was a CIA informant: it was changed after some talk page discussion. His role with the US intelligence is so wel known that leaving it out seems inappropriate to me. What I have done is to move the "dictator" label to the legacy section, where it flows better, whereas the more "occupational" things are in the first paragraph.
  • Given how little the sources mention his ideology, I've placed it in the second paragraph, where it flows with the information about his presidency.
  • Done
  • Done
  • "He became an officer in the Panamanian army, and rose through the ranks in alliance with Omar Torrijos, becoming chief of military intelligence after Torrijos led a coup in 1968". This might work better as two sentences. "He became an officer in the Panama National Guard and rose through the ranks in alliance with Omar Torrijos. In 1968, Torrijos overthrew President Arnulfo Arias in a coup, establishing himself as leader; under Torrijos' government, Noriega became chief of military intelligence".
  • Done
  • That was how I'd originally written it: Rgr09 shuffled the content a week ago. I've moved it back, but as I'm not particular, if I'm reverted I'm inclined to let it remain.
  • The fourth paragraph just gives unnecessary levels of detail about things which are effectively far less important than his earlier life. For instance "Noriega's U.S. prison sentence ended in September 2007, but he remained in prison while fighting extradition to France, where he had been convicted in absentia of money laundering in 1999. France's extradition request was granted in April 2010, and after a retrial Noriega was again found guilty and sentenced to 7 years in prison." could very easily become "In 2010, Noriega was extradited to France, where he was imprisoned for money laundering". Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:55, 27 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reworded
  • "Panama, which had also convicted Noriega in absentia in 1995 for the murder of a political foe, then requested Noriega's extradition to serve out his sentence in Panama. French courts upheld the request and Noriega was extradicted to Panama in December 2011." Again, it would be best to shorten this. How about "In 2011, the French extradited him to Panama, where he was sentenced for murder." Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:58, 27 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • reworded
  • "Noriega was diagnosed with a brain tumor in March 2017 and died at Hospital Santo Tomas in Panama City on May 29, 2017, two months after surgery." Same issue here. Perhaps "Noriega died following complications during brain surgery"? Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:58, 27 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done

Thanks Vanamonde. I'm happy that this article meets the GA criteria and will pass it shortly. Well done on all the hard work that you have put into this. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:32, 27 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

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