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GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Manuel Buendía/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Curly Turkey (talk · contribs) 04:28, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

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Feel free to disagree with any of the feedback that follows—it's not my intention to force a particular style on any article.

Lead
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  • most read newspapers: as a compund adjective, hyphenate "most-read"
  • reporting style at his column: "in his column"
  • Red Privada (Private Network): as a translation, "Private Network" should be in quotes
  • Buendía was largely recognized: "recognized largely"
  • corruption in Pemex, Mexico's state-owned petroleum company,: because of the commas, this seems like two different things. How about "crruption in Mexico's state-owned petroleum company Pemex"?
  • all which he took very seriously: "all" is redundant
  • and walked to his car: "and was walking"
  • shot him from behind several times and killed him on the scene: "shot him from behind several times, killing him"—seems obvious, but ti's grammatically ambiguous whether his death was a direct result of the shooting
  • loss of evidences: "evidence" is an uncountable noun, and so has no plural form
  • On 1989: "In"
  • at least five years: "at least" implies it could have been six, seven, or more years. Try "over" instead
 Done I have address the concerns above. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Early life
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  • theatre from his hometown: "in his hometwon"
  • Buendía collaborated for La Nación: "collaborated with"? (= "was politically involved with"); "contributed to"? (I get the feeling this is what you meant)
  • Though sympathized with the PAN: "Though he sympahtized"
  • disinterested with the party: I think you mean "lost interest in": disinterested
  • natural causes in 21 June 1941: "on 21 June 1941"
 Done I have address the concerns above. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Journalism career
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  • he married in 19 January 1955: "on 19 January 1955"
  • his famous daily column Red Privada (Private Network): "the daily column Red Privada ("Private Network")
  • he left to work at El Día newspaper: "he left to work at the El Día newspaper" or "he left to work at the newspaper El Día"
  • wrote at the political column: "wrote for the political column" if he was not the only contributor, "wrote the political column" if he was the sole contributor
  • political column Para Control de Usted (For You to Control): translation in quotes
  • the penname "J.M. Tellezgirón.": period needs to be outside the quotation mark
  • wrote at the column Concierto Político (Political Concert): again, "wrote the column Concierto Político ("Political Concert")" or "wrote the column Concierto Político ("Political Concert")"
  • the personal advisor of Guillermo Martínez Domínguez: "advisor to". Was he the only advosor? If not, change "the" to "a"
  • in 1973. In 1973,: maybe "in 1973. That year," or "in 1973. The same year,"
  • the journalist would hold until: "the journalist held until"
  • Buendía left to work at El Universal, a newspaper based in Mexico City, on 17 August 1978: I think "Buendía left on 17 August 1978 to work at El Universal, a newspaper based in Mexico City" is better
  • In this newspaper, Buendía: "At this newspaper"
  • Buendía wrote on the column Red Privada: again, Buendía wrote for the column Red Privada or Buendía wrote the column Red Privada" Since it says "in his column" next, I guess we want "wrote the column"
  • Buendía took all of the death threats: drop "all"
  • often wrote names of American officials: "published names"?
  • Although he published controversial reports quickly: I think "Although he was quick to publish controversial reports" reads better
  • most read journalist in Mexico's print media: "most-read"
  • cited by several newspapers: drop "several"
  • in Mexico in the second half: "of the second half"
 Done I have address the concerns above. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Death
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  • his car at a parking lot near: "in a parking lot"
  • After perpetrating the crime: "perpetrating" is redundant
  • then head of the: "then-head"
  • fell on Los Tecos (The Owls): "Los Tecos ("The Owls")"
  • suspicions then turned to: "then" is unnecessary
  • specifically the ones of the DFS: "specifically those of the DFS"
 Done I have address the concerns above. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Investigation
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  • said Excelsior on the next day of the killing on its front page: I think "Excelsior's front page read on the day after the killing" reads better
  • for at least five years: "over five years"
  • apprehended on 1989: "apprehended in 1989"
  • the administration of former President: he wasn't "former" president at the time
  • to 25 and 35 years in prison, respectively: no comma before "respectively"
  • for good conduct and after serving: drop the "and"
  • due to his unstable health condition: maybe "due to unstable health" is better
  • but many journalists doubt: "doubted"
  • and believe that the masterminds behind the murder case remain at large.: "believed", "remained"
 Done I have address the concerns above. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Published books
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  • Translations in quotations
 Done ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

References

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  • The pages given in the Bibliography contradict the pages given in the references. Did you use the Wikipedia citation tool for Google Books to format the bibliography? If so, remove the "|pages=" parameter from the {{cite book}} template. You only need that for the Bibliography if you're citing a particular chapter from a book (for example, an essay from a book of essays).
  • I don't know Spanish, so I haven't checked any of the Spanish-language refs.
 Done I removed the "|pages=" parameter. Thanks for the suggestion. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Images

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  • Only one image. It's a Fair Use image, and it has an appropriate rationale.

———Curly Turkey (gobble) 06:13, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Damn, thanks for the thorough review. I'll get to it on Tuesday afternoon (I've got an essay to work on and an exam to study for in just two days). See you around. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 07:46, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Take your time! Curly Turkey (gobble) 08:00, 11 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, Curly Turkey. I have address all of your concerns. I want to thank you for the thorough review. It's been a good experience to work with you, and I'm glad to see the details I need to start fixing to keep improving my English. Thanks and let me know if you have more concerns. Regards, ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 22:51, 12 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Passed. I'm satisfied that this article meets the Good Article criteria. Hope to see some more! Curly Turkey (gobble) 01:01, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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Juan Arévalo Gardoqui

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Article says: At least two main suspects, José Luis Ochoa Alonso and Juan Arévalo Gardoqui, were reported murdered in unclear circumstances before being formally charged.

Juan Arévalo Gardoqui was secretary of defence at the time of the murder, but he didn't die until 2000, and then of a heart attack near his home in a leafy suburb,[1] certainly not found dead three days later in the state of Zacatecas after being stabbed 120 times (the chap stabbed 120 times is identified, in Riva Palacio's article, as "a colonel" but not named). Some confusion there, I think. Anyone still watching this GA? Moscow Mule (talk) 16:25, 1 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ "Murió ayer Juan Arévalo Gardoqui". El Universal. 2000-05-04. Retrieved 2019-07-21.
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