Talk:Manoj Bajpayee/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: FrB.TG (talk · contribs) 20:16, 12 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Please write either Bajpayee or Bajpai throughout the article. There are places where I see Bajpai while in some sentences you refer to him as Bajpaee; be consistent.

Lead

Merge the Tamil and Telugu appearing part with the first sentence as it seems more relevant there.
I am not sure if "two-wifed" is safe try a prince with two wives.
"In 2003, Bajpai acted in Pinjar, for which he was awarded the Special Jury National Award." → "Bajpai won the Special Jury National Award for Pinjar (2003)" for the sake of simplicity.
I see three instances of "followed by" in the lead which makes it repetitive.
Either combine second sentence (of the last para) with the first one or get rid of "Though" as it reads a bit vague.
Have an WP:ALT text for the lead image.

Early and personal life

"He was the second child among his" - what do you mean he "was" the second child? Is he not now the second child?
"One of his younger sisters Poonam Dubey"
I believe "house wife" is one word.
"Being born in a farmer family, Bajpai says: 'we were supposed to do farming in our vacation and cultivate the land.'" - I believe the quote can be paraphrased.

Any suggestions?

"He moved to New Delhi at the age of seventeen and went ~~first~~ to Satyawati, then to Ramjas College, Delhi University"
In the section, you say that he was rejected four times when he applied for National School of Drama while the lead says others - factually inaccurate.
" Impressed b Bajpayai's acting, John hired" - I think you missed a y in by.
"After that he applied at the National School of Drama for the fourth time, they offered him a teaching position at the school instead" - how did it happen when "he was rejected four times and wanted to commit suicide"?

Career

The section is pretty big. Please have some subsections.
"a comedy film; where he had a supporting role"– I think a comma would do better.
The quote in the following sentence can easily be paraphrased.

Hope the current version is right.

"give him a big role in his next film" - try "prominent" or something else instead of "big".
"was there next film together" - I think you mean "their".
"the title character to form there nexus in Mumbai underworld" - again it's "their". Also have a definite article before Mumbai underworld.
"called Bajpai and other's performances that they are" → "called Bajpai and others' performances"
"Though the film was a box-office disappointment" – why do you have a though when there is not preceding or following sentence which is contradictory?
If possible, try to paraphrase the Sify review for Shool.

Is it right now?

"In 2001 Bajpai's first release was" → "Bajpai's first release in 2001 was"
"Singh of Fatehpur. A polo enthusiast" instead of the full stop, you need a comma.
"1971, where he portrayed the..." - TBH this sentence is so messed-up. Please rephrase it.
"and was out of screen" → "and was absent from the screen".
"which was a remake of the Hollywood film Unknown"
"rightful heir of an political family" - "a" political.
"Bajpai "..grab[s] eyeballs in [his] scenes".
"In 2012, Bajpai had three ~~consecutive~~ releases"
You have written that Gangs of Wasseypur is a two-part crime saga but please also mention that he only appeared in the first part.
Simply say that Anupama Chopra called it his best performance since Bhiku Mhatre in Satya instead of quoting Chopra.
A lot of sentences I see start with "his next film", "he had x releases in", or something like that. Please rephrase a few of them.
Have India Today in italics.
There are some words used repetitively throughout the article e.g. "then" 12 times.
"Director Ram Gopal Varma said 'Manoj... , further adding ... "

References

{{reflist}} → {{reflist|30em}}
Otherwise they (sources) look fine; good job.-- Frankie _talk 14:33, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Apart from three instances regarding paraphrasing, I have taken care of all the queries. Thank you for the review. Yashthepunisher (talk) 16:42, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]