Talk:Manilal Dwivedi/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Yashthepunisher (talk · contribs) 08:27, 18 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this. Yashthepunisher (talk) 08:27, 18 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"was a Gujarati-language writer, poet, novelist and essayist, and a philosopher and social reformer." I think it will read better as, "was a Gujarati-language writer, poet, novelist, essayist, philosopher and social reformer.

Done

Avoid using words like 'greatly'. They are PEACOCK-ish and non-neutral.

Done - removed 'greatly'

I think the first para is quite disoriented. What Narmad thought of Manilal should be mentioned somewhere in the last para.

Done - moved to last para of lead

Lead shouldn't have references, but they should be sources elsewhere in the article.

Done - ref moved (with some content) to 'Social reform and educational writings.

Was he commonly known as Manilal? Make sure the naming follows MOS:SURNAME.

All the books (English, Gujarati, Hindi.. all) of history of Gujarati literature and other source refer him by 'Manilal' instead of his surname 'Dwivedi'.

"Manilal belongs to the Pandit Yuga (English: the Age of Scholars)." Sentences are not written with their translations like this. Remove the english meaning since its been explained in the latter part.

Done

The opening sentence of the third para should start with his name instead of a 'he'.

Done

How did he die? Mention that in the lead.

Done

Was he married or not? Mention that also in the lead.

Done

Did he receive any award or honour for his work? Ditto, if any.

He didn't receive any award. But one thing that we can add in the lead : He was invited to present a paper at the first Parliament of World Religions, held in Chicago in 1893.

Infobox

British India, Nadiad and Bombay presidency are linked twice.

Done - removed double link

You mention him as an 'editor' in the infobox, but not in the lead. Why so?

Done - mentioned in the lead

Link Pandit era.

Done

Early life

"Manilal was born to a Sathodara Nagar family at Nadiad, Gujarat, on 26 September 1858." The sentence order is not right. First mention his DOB, then the place.

Done

I don't see the relevance to mention his grand-father.

Done - removed

Is it relevant to mention Manilal inheriting some money and property? I mean what has it got to do with Manilal?

Done - removed

"On the day after Manilal's birth". You mean the day after Manilal's birth or...otherwise? Please clarify.

Done - clarified

"He joined Elphinstone College." He joined 'the' Elphinstone College.

Done

"Under pressure from his father to earn a wage." A 'the' is missing after 'Under'.

Done

A comma is missing after July 1880.

Done

Why 'Government High School' is in all caps? Was it the exact name of the school?

Done - removed capital letters

I think the 'social reformer' subsection fits better in 'Works'.

Done

His personal life and death subsection should be placed towards the end, like most articles. And the 'life' section should be renamed as 'Early life'.

Done

Personal life

At the age of thirteen --> At the age of 13.

Done

The 'personal life' delves too much into his ehm...personal life. I mean the article would benefit from a trimming of that section. There is a lot of redundant information in it.

Done - trimmed some part. See, what you think?

Social reformer

At the age of fifteen he, --> At the age of 15, he

Done

Wikilink theosophy.

Done

Death

Mention the name of Manilal's autobiography.

Done

"in the second term of the first year of college, and again a year later." This is very confusing. Why not write: Manilal states that he visited a brothel multiple times during his college years.

Done

This developed into secondary and then tertiary syphilis. --> This developed into secondary and then tertiary stage.

Done

"Manilal records an abscess on his neck in July 1898." Fix the tense of this sentence. It should be 'recorded' instead of 'records'.

Done

He died on the morning of 1 October 1898, ~~while lying on his stomach and~~ writing at his home in Nadiad, ~~in the presence of friends.~~

Done

Literary work

Reference 4 should be at the end of second para's first sentence.

Done

There are several inconsistencies with the sentences' tense. Like some are written in past-tense, some in present.

Done - reworded with past tense

"has had lasting popularity." This is pretty vague. Popularity how?

reworded: 'is popular in Gujarati language'

"He adapted Lytton's novel Zanoni". Mention Lytton's full name.

Done

Dhirubhai Thaker noted that. --> Writer Dhirubhai Thaker noted that.

Done

His direct quote should be under quotation marks.

Done

Religious and philosophical writings

The sentence about his second book in the first para is too long. Try breaking it for a better read.

Done - See, what you think?

The reference glued to 'mesmerism' should be placed at the end of the sentence.

Done

Controversies

He criticized reformers. --> criticised. Indian English.

Done

"Manilal severely criticized." Avoid using strong wordings as 'severly'. Also, fix the Indian English.

Done

Images

Add a caption to the infobox image.

Just mentioned 'Manilal Dwivedi' in caption. There are no other details available about image.

All the images shouldn't be placed on the right side. Per MOS:IMGLOC.

One image has been moved to left side

Sources

Ref 2, 16, 17, 18 and 24 should be formatted properly.

See the references. Let me know if there are still any problem. (References have been reordered: 16 --> 17, 17 --> 18, 18 --> 19 and 24 --> 27)

I have an issue with ref 2 at the second para of 'Early life' section. Which sentence is mentioned from page 14–16 and which from 35–36? This needs to be fixed.

Done

Gazal world Some of the queries are still unanswered. Kindly fix them. The rest looks fine. Yashthepunisher (talk) 14:52, 19 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Yashthepunisher Done. Have a look. --Gazal world (talk) 15:23, 19 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That's it from me. Yashthepunisher (talk) 15:56, 18 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The article has passed with flying colours. Great work! Yashthepunisher (talk) 16:10, 19 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.