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Talk:Mah Laqa Bai/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Dwaipayanc (talk · contribs) 17:33, 15 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Welcome and thanks for taking this article for Review :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 05:22, 18 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ok, I will do the review. Disclaimer : I did some copyedit after the article was nominated for GA.--Dwaipayan (talk) 17:33, 15 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments:
  • The "Legacy and influence" section is essentially a bullet list. Convert that to flowing paragraph(s).
 Done
  • Although this is not going to influence GA review, but we don't encourage retrieval dates for google book links.
I deliberately kept the google book sources link verification, because there is very less written work about Mah laqa and it will be easy for reviewers and readers to very about the work, Is it ok if we just remove the retrieval dates while keeping the url links remain in citations, please advice.
It is ok to keep URL, but retrieval date can be removed.--Dwaipayan (talk) 14:21, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • I did not understand whether your recent edits in the article was in response to the comments here. The bullets in "Legacy and influence" section need to be removed, and simple paragraphs instituted.--Dwaipayan (talk) 00:57, 18 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
It was regular edit apart from review, there I tried to give some information about "Ramba Rao" as there is no article about him.
Regarding her participation in war was as per GA review, for which you left note on the article. As there are not much details available about her role during the war's, I restructured it with minor corrections as you advised. I hope it is correct :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 07:10, 18 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rahat Azmi, who authored a book about the life and compilation of Mah Laqa, writes that: This famous Urdu poet of Deccan was a contemporary of renowned poets like Mir Taqi Mir, Mirza Muhammad Rafi Sauda and Khwaja Mir Dard inNorth India." What is the need of this sentence? Is it to show that she was a contemporary of those poets? That can simply be mentioned at some places in her biography. This does not come in legacy.
 Done --Omer123hussain (talk) 12:22, 21 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Mah Laqa Bai’s personality enabled her to pose as a woman performer who was rapt by mystical love that made her madly impassioned and therefore beyond the routine cares of the world" Having trouble understanding this. Can you quote the lines from the source (you can quote here in the GA review).
  • After this sentence, the text goes on "The first element is the ghazal itself, a form of poetry deeply inflected by Sufi images of madness in love. The second element is her family history...". Where do these elements come from? This needs some context.--Dwaipayan (talk) 22:23, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done (re-write with some changes, hope it works). :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 11:24, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • she accompanied Nisam II in three wars. Can you mention the name of that Nizam in brackets?
 Done --Omer123hussain (talk) 21:04, 27 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
These words are from persianised Urdu (Pure Urdu) common in those times, but could not find a reliable source, I think google translation will be Non reliable to use here ? I will dig and find it some where. --Omer123hussain (talk) 07:22, 28 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • "At that time, she was the only woman to be given recognition publicly" Where? In Hyderabad? Or whole India?
 Done probably whole India (but due to lack of RS) using Hyderabad state with RS.
  • The page ranges style (while using template rp) is varying. Its sometimes 365–385, sometimes 365–85 (dropping the common part). You have to stick to one style. I think dropping the common portion is ok. (bye the way this is not a GA requirement, but just thought to say this).
 Done
  • "She was a mistress of the Prime Ministers of the Nizams". Is that Mistress (lover)? A wikilink won't be bad.
 Done
  • "Mah Laqa was influenced by the poetic work of Siraj Aurangabadi" Give approximate or exact lifetime of this poet. That would be helpful to understand whether he was contemporary, or lived before her.
 Done
  • "Saqi (one who served wine)" --> serves one.
 Done as: "Saqi (one who serves wine)" is this what you mean ?
  • "by the Mughal Emperor, Muhammad Shah" the comma may or may not be needed. For consistency with the next part of the sentence, I'd say remove the comma.
 Done
  • Consistently use either raaga or raag (or whatever spelling, but consistently)
 Done
  • Consistently use Mah Laqa, there are some occurrence of Mah laqa (note the l in small case).
 Done
 Done Regards :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 07:22, 28 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Her memorial in Hyderabad, that houses her tomb, was restored using funds donated by the Federal government of the United States." When?
 Done
  • Similarly, "Using funds from the US government through the Consulate General's office in Hyderabad, the Center for Deccan Studies spearheaded the year-long renovation project" When?
 Done
 Done Regards :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 04:36, 5 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done, removed image, any way not necessary, just it was representing the scene of mushaira. Regards :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 13:54, 9 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for giving your precious time to review the article. Regards :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 03:42, 14 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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