Talk:Macau at the 2012 Summer Paralympics/GA1
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:00, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
Comments
- "in London, United Kingdom from" no need for "United Kingdom" but if you insist on it, put a comma after it.
- Added comma MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- "at an Summer" a
- Could link Standard-bearer for "flag bearer".
- So a high jumper participated in the long jump? Can that be explained?
- Reworded MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- You can link Macau again in the main part of the article, after the lead.
- "Paralympic movement" can be linked to Paralympic Games.
- "territory's National Olympic Committee" put territory's into the pipe because we have an article called National Olympic Committee and this is potentially confusing.
- "entered some international organisations" what do you mean?
- Removed that part of the sentence MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- "but have never" it was "has" in the previous sentence.
- "2012 London Games" can link here.
- That first Background section could use some sentence merging for flow, it's a lot of short sentences which makes for clunky reading.
- What makes topendsports.com a reliable source?
- Replaced MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- "10 September.[12][10] " order.
- "the London Games.[17] These London Paralympics" repetitive, and short-sentence syndrome strikes again.
- "had partaken in" taken part in
- "he partook in" -> "took part" or even "competed" perhaps.
- "he did not have one of the best eight marks in his first three jumps, Tong took no further part in the event, coming ninth overall" not sure about "marks", after all it's the distance, not some kind of score.
- I would include units in the distance column of the table, i.e. 4.63 m.
- Avoid using semi-colons for sub-headings, they are poor for accessibility.
- "a 27 year old" -> "a 27-year-old"
- "acquired the necessary results to qualify for the Games" elucidate.
- "at the ExCeL London" either "the ExCeL arena" or "at ExCeL London".
- Done the latter MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- "by index" what's that?
- Clarified MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- "5-4" en-dash (per MOS:DASH) not hyphen.
That's all I have, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 11:22, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- @The Rambling Man: Have made changes to the article based on the queries raised above MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- Ok, looks alright to me, so promoting. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 14:58, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- @The Rambling Man: Have made changes to the article based on the queries raised above MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)