Talk:Mélanie Laurent/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 01:50, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Actually, I should have plenty of time to review this article, especially since you have helped me in the past and have been a very kind and helpful editor. I should have up my review up in the next couple days. Aoba47 (talk) 01:50, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Add a reference for the quote in the quote box in the “Early life” section. Add the source and who is speaking here. I should be able to look at the quote book and know exactly who said the quote and its context.

""(I'd thank) Gérard Depardieu. I'd tell him ’Thanks for speeding things up.’" - Melanie Laurent, when asked who'd she write to thank for her career.[2]" This is the quote and it f=has a refernce and a context, am I missing something here?

Oh never mind. I completely read over that. That was my fault >< lol I have altered it slightly so the attribution is more apparent, but feel free to change it back if you prefer your version. Aoba47 (talk) 14:40, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarify that you mean “Paris, France”. It may be obvious with the link, but it is always best to be safe.
Clarify what you mean by “immersed in the arts from birth”.
The first sentence of the second paragraph reads awkwardly so I would recommend revising it.
Revise “because, according to him, she already had the necessary skills.” to “because he believe she already had the necessary skills.”
Clarify what part she played in The Bridge if possible. Remove the extra period after acting, and I would suggest removing the last sentence of the second paragraph as its reads unencyclopedic.

Fixed all. (hopefully) NumerounovedantTalk 08:24, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 14:40, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Career

The S in the title for the “Continued success” subsection should not be capitalized.
Add a comma between “Variety” and “Ronnie”. The same comments applies for between “That same year” and “she and Belgian”
Revise the first sentence of the second paragraph as it reads somewhat awkwardly . You are conveying a lot in this sentence so maybe split this in two.
I would recommend dividing the last sentence of the final paragraph of the “Debut and early success” subsection as it reads awkwardly.
Add a comma between “In an interview” and “Laurent said” Same comments applies to “In 2010” and “Laurent”.
Cut “In 2013” in the sentence about Night Train to Lisbon as the identification of the film being released in 2013 covers this part.
Make sure the link to Night Train to Lisbon leads directly to the film. It currently links to the book.
Add a space between “64th Berlin International Film Festival” and “Laurent”
Are there any reviews about her role in Angelina Jolie’s film By the Sea? It may be helpful to expand this section with a sentence or two if possible, especially since I would imagine this film received a lot of attention.

Not really, the movie had a lukewarm response and was critically panned so. I will look for something, but, IMO this doesn't really qualifies as a major role.

Makes sense. I was more curious about this than anything. I expected that this was the case since everything else was very thorough. Aoba47 (talk)

The phrasing about Laurent being a “co-star” in By the Sea seems like an odd choice of words as it gives off the impression she has a larger role in the film than I think she has. I would recommend saying “Laurent stars as Léa in…”

Fixed the rest. NumerounovedantTalk 08:24, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 14:40, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life and off-screen work

I would suggest changing “companion” to “husband”. “Companion” just sounds like an odd choice of words to describe the relationship between the two.
Change “describes” to “described”
Since you have already discussed her album in the “Continued success” subsection”, then I would advise you to move the information regarding the recording of the album up to that section. It would make more sense to have all the information about the album in one section.

Fixed all NumerounovedantTalk 08:24, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 14:40, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Discography

Include the formats in which the album is available. I assume it would be CD and digital download.

Added. NumerounovedantTalk 08:24, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 14:40, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

External links

You could link to her profile on Rotten Tomatoes, AllMovie, and Box Office Mojo as I have noticed this was done in the articles for Angelina Jolie and Emma Watson (I know those are both FAs so this is just a suggestion/idea). You could also add a link to her twitter though. This is only a suggestion, and not a requirement.

Added RT, but since she isn't a Hollywood actor per se I don't think the other hold much relevance. NumerounovedantTalk 08:24, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Makes sense to me. I am not very familiar with working with pages about actors so I wasn't too sure about whether or not this should be included. Aoba47 (talk) 14:40, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

@Numerounovedant: You have done a great job with this article. After you address my comments, this should be a quick and easy pass. Let me know if you have any questions about my review and I look forward to working with you more in the future.

@Aoba47: I have addressed all your comments or left replies. I almost feel bad for practically forcing you into doing this, you didn't have to, and since I'll probably ping you again in future for further help, you'll have to learn to say no. XD Thank you for being such a great sport, it's greatly appreciated. NumerounovedantTalk 08:24, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Numerounovedant: You have nothing to worry about for my part; I very much enjoy using the word no (It is one of my favorite words xD lol). I changed my mind about doing the review while I started to read through the article and found myself interesting in learning more about this actress (which is a very good sign for how you handled it). Besides, I always enjoy trying to help out as many people as I can on here, especially on the GA level since I nominate so many things there lol. Good luck with your future work and I look forward to working with you more. Feel free to contact me about your future reviews and if I am really too busy for it, I will let you know lol. In the future, I may asking to review some of my articles too if that is okay lol ✓ Pass

@Aoba47: Sure thing, ping me anytime for any sort of work. And again, you are simply a delight to work with. NumerounovedantTalk 16:55, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Numerounovedant: Thank you, that is very sweet of you to say. Aoba47 (talk) 19:10, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]