Talk:Lynne Ramsay/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: 222emilia222 (talk · contribs) 21:58, 26 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 11:11, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:11, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Starting with sources. Earwig is not responding at the moment so I'll come back to it.

You're using allmusic.com for the track listing of a CD; per Wikipedia:WikiProject Albums/Sources allmusic should not be used for material from the sidebar as it may be user generated. I think that basically means everything but the staff reviews should be treated as unreliable, but I'm open to correction if I've misunderstood.
IMDB is unreliable per Wikipedia:WikiProject Film/Resources.

Spotchecks; footnote numbers refer to this version.

FN 2 cites "In 1995, she graduated from the National Film and Television School in Beaconsfield, England, where she specialised in cinematography and direction." The source doesn't say the school is in Beaconsfield; you would need another source for that if you want to keep it.
FN 33 cites "[Stone Mattress] has been picked up by Amazon Studios". Verified.
FN 15 cites "Ramsay said that Lawrence sent her a copy of the book, which is about postpartum depression and bipolar disorder, noting that the film itself would be funny, and confirmed that the movie would be her next film after the 2023 Hollywood strikes." Verified, but she does just say "probably" would be next in line; it might be better to reflect that.
FN 28 cites " She later said she found her "soulmate in making movies" in Phoenix." Verified; I would extend the quote marks to make it "soulmate in making movies" since you're using the original sentence structure so closely.
FN 22 cites "Ramsay denied the allegations in a statement made shortly after. A year after parting ways, the lawsuit was resolved out of court." Verified.

Just the "Beaconsfield" point; technically that's a spotcheck fail, but when you fix it I think checking one or two more would be enough for a pass. I'll continue with the review once the issues above are addressed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

hey sorry it took so long, fixed everything u pointed out. allmusic and imdb are gone and reworded some stuff. about beaconsfield, i found the source it's mentioned in and added that as another citation, must have gotten it confused in research. also cited the original article interviewing her for the point about FN28. thx for ur time 222emilia222 (talk) 21:45, 6 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Fixes look good. A couple more spotchecks:

FN 37 cites "According to local news, the movie will be filmed in the summer of 2024 starting in July." Verified, but this would be better as "As of June 2024, local news reported that the movie would be filmed ..." since very soon that sentence will be out of date otherwise.
FN 2 cites "Ramsay has one daughter, with Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly being the godparents of the child." Verified.

Will read through the article and add any further comments next. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:57, 6 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. I'm copyediting a bit as I read through; please revert anything you disagree with.

The lead is a little short for an article of this length -- could you add two or three more sentences?
"Being impressed by her shorts, Ramsay was approached by Ruth McCance of BBC Scotland to write a treatment for a feature film": needs to be reworded -- as it written it says Ramsay was impressed by her own shorts, which is not what you mean.
"After handing back 50-60 pages of script, she got to direct the movie herself." Not sure what you mean by "handed back", and I don't think the length is interesting unless the reader understands that this is too long for a treatment, as Ramsay says in the source. I think you could cut the whole sentence without losing anything -- the next sentence makes it clear she directed Ratcatcher.
"The film was mostly made by first-time filmmakers, as Ramsay enlisted the help of her film school colleagues": she actually says "all", not "most".
"Her script told the story of the murder of a girl from her father's perspective". Is this the same narrative perspective as the book, or did Ramsay change it? Saying it this way makes it sounds as if this is Ramsay's idea.
"The following year Ramsay had to deal with the death of her father and then the death of her close friend and co-writer on Morvern Callar and the unrealized The Lovely Bones script, Liana Dognini": suggest "The loss of The Lovely Bones hurt Ramsay's self-confidence for a while, and the following year was made even more difficult for Ramsay; both her father and her close friend, Liana Dognini died. Dognini had been Ramsay's co-writer on Morvern Callar and the unrealized The Lovely Bones script." The source clearly ties all three things together as having made that year hard for her, so I think we should too.
"She has stated that the film will be set in space, and deal with themes of psychology and claustrophobia, quoting "So we're creating a whole new world, and a new alien. [It's] a very psychological piece, mainly taking place in the ship, a bit like Das Boot, so it's quite claustrophobic. It's another monster movie, cos the monster's Ahab." She even secured funding for the project in 2012. In a 2023 interview Ramsay mentions the movies among projects she still wants to pursue." The tenses here don't seem quite right. Suggest "The film was to be set in space, and deal with themes of psychology and claustrophobia. Ramsay said, "So we're creating a whole new world, and a new alien. [It's] a very psychological piece, mainly taking place in the ship, a bit like Das Boot, so it's quite claustrophobic. It's another monster movie, cos the monster's Ahab." She secured funding for the project in 2012, but as of 2023 the film was still a future project."
"At the Valencia International Film Festival in 2021 Ramsay revealed that she was working on another movie with Joaquin Phoenix called Polaris or Dark Slides. The film would also co-star Rooney Mara. As of August 2023, the production of the movie wrapped up." This leaves us hanging -- did the film get released? What was the eventual title? Has it been held up for some reason?
"... which will be produced by Martin Scorsese and Jennifer Lawrence through Excellent Cadaver, the latter of whom will additionally star as ...": "latter" is presumably intended to refer to Lawrence but that doesn't really work since the mention of Excellent Cadaver intervenes. How about "... which will be produced by Martin Scorsese and Jennifer Lawrence through Excellent Cadaver. Lawrence will additionally star as ..."?
Per this, Ramsay's wedding with Kinnear was in May 2002. If you don't have access I can email you the relevant text and citation details.
Suggest combining "Influences" and "Themes" as "Influences and themes" as they are both very short sections.
The filmography section is unsourced.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:25, 7 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, fixed all of the things I agree with. This excludes: Point 1, I can't think of anything to add there that wouldnt be unnecessary. The point about "The Lovely Bones", as it was Ramsay's idea to tell the story from the fathers perspective (the book is told from the persp. of the dead girl herself), so you understood correctly! Also about the Polaris/Dark Slides point, I just haven't found any information on it, there is no dfinitive name, no release date, no info on production. I could add "As of June 2024 the movie has not been released" but that feels informal/trivial.

Also about the wedding date, can you please insert the information and citation yourself if you want it included? Good find! :))) 222emilia222 (talk) 22:46, 10 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Fixes mostly look good; I have a couple of followups.

Re the lead: good articles don't have to follow most of the manual of style, but MOS:LEAD is one of the exceptions; to promote the article to GA I have to check the article complies. This article isn't very long, and the lead doesn't have to be long, but it should " stand on its own as a concise overview of the article's topic. It should identify the topic, establish context, explain why the topic is notable, and summarize the most important points". Currently I don't think it does that. I think a mention of The Lovely Bones is necessary at a minimum, and since shooting is complete on Polaris/Dark Slides, and Phoenix is a notable actor, that might be mentioned too. Personally I'd add mention of a couple more details than that, but if you could at least add those that would be a compromise.
I tweaked the sentence about Ruth McCance; revert my edit if you don't like it.
Re her script for The Lovely Bones, I assume the relevant part of the source is the paragraph numbered 5? That doesn't say she was planning to tell the story from the father's perspective -- it says "My take] was much more about the father’s psychology", which doesn't mean the father was necessarily the viewpoint character. How about making it something like "Her script focused on the father more than the original novel had done"?
OK re Polaris, but I just realized the article says production has completed whereas the source only says filming was completed.
No worries about the wedding date; I just linked that in case you wanted to add it.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:05, 11 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I tried improving the lead. Tell me if it's satisfactory! + Fixed a typo in your Ruth McCance sentence.

About the Lovely Bones script, I must have gotten the sources mixed up! I added the inline citation with the right info after the sentence. Her script was not just focusing on the father's psychology but also from his POV. You can find it by looking up "father" in the interview article.

Also production in film terminology means the raw shooting stage of filmmaking. You can look it up here Filmmaking. Both my parents work in film, I should know! 222emilia222 (talk) 14:17, 11 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

D'oh. I should have known that; that's why post-production is called "post" production, after all. Other changes all look good, so passing. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 17:57, 11 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

yaay :D thanks for your diligent work and help in making this article better! 222emilia222 (talk) 07:49, 12 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]