Talk:Lynn Hill/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 10 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

(Grins maniacally) mwahahahhaaaa ....seriously, I'll go through and copyedit as I go (see my edit summaries for explanations) and drop queries below.....Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 10 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

She is currently a sponsored athlete for Patagonia and is developing a climbing camp. - this sentence is a bit abrupt and the last bit comes over as a bit vague.

Moved to end of second paragraph of lead and tried to make more seamless. Let me know what you think. Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'd like El Capitan in the lead. Probably add "in Yosemite" for non-Californians reading it.....

She was one of the best competitive sport climbers in the world during the late 1980s and early 1990s and is famous for making the first free ascent of the The Nose on El Capitan in Yosemite Valley. - Do you think it should say where Yosemite is? Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hmmm, could go either way on this. not fussed....sorry meant "link" not "like" above...duh Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:36, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

It is linked. Wadewitz (talk) 20:21, 13 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~Born in Detroit, Michigan, Hill grew up in Fullerton, California.~~ ~~- reads very abruptly - any further biographical detail ehere would help smoothe it out - e.g. "moved with her family aged x'..." or whatever.~~

Unknown, unfortunately. Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

fair enough 20:36, 12 February 2013 (UTC)

~~ummm...what's a light pole?~~

National differences come to light. :) It is a street light. Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

aaah Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:36, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~annoying park rangers by eluding camps fees~~ ~~- make the "camp" adjectival or possessive..so lose the 's' or add an apostrophe..your choice...~~

Fixed. Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

She climbed her first 5.11 and first big wall with him - reading link still leaves me a little unclear about what 5.11 is....

I know. That article is not very good. We could link to Grade (climbing), which is better and has conversions for other climbing grading systems, but it is not really the most precise link. We could also improve the Yosemite Decimal System article, but that would take a lot of work, honestly. Explaining climbing grades in the middle of this article, though, seems out of place. What do you think? Wadewitz (talk) 19:48, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I agree - this is a problem I commonly have where subsidiary/target articles are in a problematic state to the point that they do not cover the material they should cover relevant to the bluelink (sigh) 00:55, 13 February 2013 (UTC)

The para starting with Hill had a relationship with and climbed with climber ... jumps around a bit. I think discussion of the relationship with Long could be streamlined, and it just sorta jumps into mentioning Jablonsky which left me thinking, "hang on, where'd he come from?"

Ok, I've revised. See what you think. I took out Yablonski as there just isn't much info on him, anyway. Wadewitz (talk) 19:55, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

....~~and got the occasional television gig~~ ~~- a tad colloquial...~~

"occasionally appeared on television" Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hill's partner at the time, John Long, was "astonished" by her feat. - use another word for astonish and de-quote

Used amazed and done. Wadewitz (talk) 19:16, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~Their attempt to free climb The Nose was not successful, but Hill returned a week later with her friend Brooke Sandahl and was successful~~ ~~- reword so you don't use the same word twice in the one sentence..."mix it up" a little... ;)~~

Changed first part to "failed". Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~In her autobiography, Hill explains how she had "underestimated" how complicated~~ ~~- reword without using quotes if you can~~

Done. Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~In the World traveller section - is The North Face supposed to link where it links to?~~

Yep, that's right. Many of these outdoor gear companies have teams that they send around the world to climb, ski, etc. Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

In the last sentence of that section, maybe listing some of the places she climbed rather than just the countries would be more interesting.

I haven't been able to find much on that at all. Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~Link Indian Creek Valley~~

I couldn't find a link that looked remotely close or right. Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

ok Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:36, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

From 1995 to 2000 Hill climbed and filmed in Kyrgyzstan, Vietnam, Morooco, Thailand, Scotland, Australia and Madagascar - are these the same places listed in the last bit of the world traveller section? Can we somehow rationalise...?

Only in the world traveler section now. Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

In 2005 Lynn started offering climbing camps in five locations in the United States, with plans for more. - leaves us hanging a bit...any more details? It is seven years ago after all.....

I haven't seen any more information. I assume they aren't happening any more, but there aren't any sources that say that, either. Wadewitz (talk) 19:37, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

yeah, it's frustrating with sources or lack thereof....Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:36, 12 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

ok, boring stuff....fingers crossed you can sort out copyright on infobox portrait

It looks like we will have to use a fair use photo. I've had no luck getting a CC-by-SA photo of Hill yet. Wadewitz (talk) 20:21, 13 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I guess for the time being you could argue for Fair Use rationale for the infobox one...maybe? I've not resorted to Fair Use much so some discussion and consensus among those more familiar may be good....Casliber (talk · contribs) 09:07, 14 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Fair use photo added. Wadewitz (talk) 19:21, 14 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

~~one ref has "Douglad"~~

That is what the source says. Wadewitz (talk) 20:21, 13 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

given we're getting finickier about pageranges (and we're thinkin' FAC), why not use templates for books such as the one I used in Persoonia linearis. My connection is slow so I can do a big explanation. (eg for FN 40 which has a 30 page range...)

Overall, looking pretty "Good" ....

1. Well written?:

Prose quality: