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Talk:Lynching of Norris Dendy/GA1

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GA Review

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Passed. 750h+ 00:38, 9 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 01:38, 20 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: 750h+ (talk · contribs) 06:37, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @PCN02WPS: i'll take this review 750h+ 06:37, 5 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • If his grave says he lived from May 4, shouldn't that be included in the article
    • The headstone says he was born on May 29, 1900, but I cannot find any other RS that supports that birthdate and I'm not 100% sold on the headstone itself being an RS. If there's a pertinent policy that would be awesome but I haven't been able to find it. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 00:27, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    (i didn't mean to say "May 4", my bad) Okay, That's understandable 750h+ 03:05, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think "While driving a truck transporting picknickers to" should be "While driving a truck transporting picnickers to". i have never heard this word before so I had to look it up.
  • little protection owing to the fact that the offense was not considered to be very serious ==> little protection since the offense was not considered to be very serious (conciseness)
    • Changed as recommended (though I opted for "because" instead of "since")
  • was not considered to be very serious ==> was not considered very serious
  • killing him by a fracture near ==> killing him with a fracture near
  • "were charged with the killing but a July 1934" needs a comma before "but" since this is american english
  • "Suspected motives have ranged from a beating that was originally not supposed to be fatal" ==> "Suspected motives have included from a beating that was originally not supposed to be fatal" might sound better
@750h+: comments above responded to. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 00:28, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, Background section should be done later today. Sorry about this; my GA reviews usually take much shorter 750h+ 03:06, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Background

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  • Martha was born near present-day Joanna, South Carolina, in 1867, and his father ==> Martha was born near present-day Joanna, South Carolina, in 1867, and Earl
  • I think, in American English, it should change from "Young was a carpenter at the time of their marriage and Martha ran" ==> Young was a carpenter at the time of their marriage, and Martha ran" Also I think "while" would sound better than "and".
  • "In their December 1933 edition, The Crisis claimed that he was framed for the crime." ==> "In their December 1933 edition, the Crisis claimed that he was framed for the crime." It depends, but I think in title case definite articles shouldn't be capitalised (unless they are the first word of the sentence), like the Beatles.
    Oops, didn't see this one and I thought you had forgotten to change them. 750h+ 00:28, 9 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Norris then appealed to the South Carolina Supreme Court." ==> "Dendy then appealed to the South Carolina Supreme Court." Unless there was a reason you used his first name?
  • "Dendy and his family had been threatened before: in 1924" Should a colon be used? Might just be personal preference but I'd turn it into 2 sentences. You don't have to if you don't want to.

Arrest, capture and lynching

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  • "The second sentence of the first paragraph might be too large."
  • "In all, about a hundred people were present outside the jail when the capture took place, including multiple Clinton police officers." Remove "In all".
  • "In fact, an article published in The Crisis in May 1934 noted that it was "a matter of common knowledge" that the majority of the police force had taken part,[20] and testimony during a 1934 Senate subcommittee hearing claimed that several police officers opened the jail to allow Dendy to be removed." Remove "in fact", change "The Crisis" to "the Crisis" per above, and change "the majority" to "most".
  • "Dendy's mother and children accompanied her, they were fired upon by the mob with a pistol and Dendy's mother was struck." ==> "Dendy's mother and children accompanied her, but they were fired upon by the mob with a pistol and Dendy's mother was struck."
    • I don't like "but" here because it seems like it's saying that the fact that they were shown aggression by the mob came as a surprise (which, unfortunately, it was not, given the circumstances). Decided to split into two sentences and reword slightly. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 15:30, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • 'The LCSO had begun a search" ==> "The LCSO initiated (or began) a search"
  • "though The State, in an article advocating for the prosecution" ==> "though the State, in an article advocating for the prosecution"

Aftermath

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Image review

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Only one picture, and it looks like it's the one taken by you, PCN02WPS! This is an image review pass. 750h+ 08:40, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Source review

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Verdict

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i don't have any other concerns. nice work! address the above concerns and i'm happy to pass the article for status :). 750h+ 08:57, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think this is good. Happy to pass. 750h+ 00:37, 9 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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