Talk:Luke Kunin/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eviolite (talk · contribs) 16:18, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Will review this one -- as it is relatively large this may take up to a week. eviolite (talk) 16:18, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

This article is well written and well sourced/illustrated; comments follow.

Where does the ht/wt info in the infobox come from?
- It comes from his NHL.com profile, alongside his shooting side and position; typically these are not directly cited in athlete infoboxes (see hockey FAs like Ray Emery or even baseball FAs like Tyler Skaggs), so I have not included previously
Comma after "in the first round, 15th overall" maybe? There's one used in the NCAA section but I'm not sure which is correct.
- Added
Where does "seemingly finding his niche" come from?
- Rephrased
"Kunin and St. Louis teammate Matthew Tkachuk also played in the Quebec International Pee-Wee Hockey Tournament in 2010" - why is just Tkachuk noted here? That source also lists Clayton Keller. I understand that other sources such as the next one describe Tkachuk as a "good friend" and say that they played together under Keith Tkachuk but that should be explicitly written out.
- Added and rephrased
"Even though Wisconsin finished last in the Big Ten Conference that year with an 8–19–8 record, Kunin led the team with 18 goals and 33 points, and he believed that he developed his skills significantly, particularly his 200-foot game, by playing regularly against older students at the collegiate level." - a bit long winded, consider splitting.
- Done
"Big Ten second star of the week awards" - should this be capitalized? Seems sources differ but it would probably be clearer in caps.
- I concur, caps added
"while Wisconsin added 12 more wins to its previous-season record." - does this mean they broke their record by 12? I'm confused.
- Rephrased
"another brief recall" - clarify "to the NHL"? Or not, since it's later in the sentence, but a suggestion.
- Not done to reduce repetition
"His first recall was on December 9, filling in for an injured Mikko Koivu," - comma -> period
- Done, can't believe I missed that
"while the Wild had" - this is clear from context, but "the Wild" is ambiguous; not much you can do though since otherwise you can just use the two states.. this is probably the best way to write it but just noting here in case you have other ideas
- Whoops, fixed
"quantitative production" sounds weird, could just change to "statistical"?
- Clarified further to just "point production"
"In his 49 games with the Wild," - okay, this one is not easily resolvable with context clues, unless you mean "both"
- Meant Minnesota, clarified
"checking line" - explain what this is, or link
- Linked to Checking (ice hockey)
"two postseason goals" - postseason is redundant because this is the playoffs
- Removed
What is a "berth"?
- Clinching a playoff berth means that even if a team loses all of their remaining games, their record at that point is strong enough within their division that they'll go to the playoffs no matter what. Since it's a common term in North American sports, there's no associated article, and that definition is fairly long-winded, not sure how to rephrase
"the first in Nashville" - nitpick, but should this be "for" because of possible home/away location shenanigans?
- Fixed
"List of select Jewish ice hockey players" - why "select"?
- I would assume because we don't know all of them? The same thing exists on other pages like Nate Thompson

@GhostRiver: placing on hold. eviolite (talk) 04:19, 12 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Eviolite Comments addressed, see this diff for clarity. A couple responses left back when you get a chance. — Ghost River 17:20, 12 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks GhostRiver for the changes, happy to promote now (after I fixed one typo). Re the "berth" thing: if it's a common term then it's probably fine for GA level but as a suggestion you could change it to something like "guaranteed a spot" unless that has a slightly different connotation. Great work! eviolite (talk) 20:27, 12 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]