Talk:Luis and Clark

	Music portal This article is within the scope of WikiProject Musical Instruments, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of musical instruments on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Musical InstrumentsWikipedia:WikiProject Musical InstrumentsTemplate:WikiProject Musical Instrumentsmusical instruments articles
Low	This article has been rated as Low-importance on the project's importance scale.

Marketing Tone

Opinion

The article in question contains language better suited to marketing copy than to an encyclopaedia entry.

Examples

"Throughout Luis' extensive career as a cellist, Leguía claimed he never found a suitable cello that could project over an orchestra or a grand piano, sparking the creation of "Luis and Clark."

This sentence is written with flowery language. I find the use of "sparking the creation" in particular to be objectionable. Perhaps it could be rephrased:

"Throughout Luis' career as a cellist, he had been dissatisfied with the capabilities of the instruments he used, particularly their ability to be heard over an orchestra or grand piano. This dissatisfaction eventually led him to found a company which he believed may produce a more suitable instrument."

Acknowledgement of Nitpicking

I am very particular with how I write, and this is one of several examples in this article which MAY be written like an advertisement. I am not claiming sole authority in this matter and would like to discuss the matter with fellow contributors in order to refine this article as much as possible, with their input. MyScreenwritingJourney (talk) 09:14, 2 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]