Talk:Louis F. Menage/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Coemgenus (talk · contribs) 14:09, 6 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this one over the next few days. -Coemgenus (talk) 14:09, 6 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

Lede

Maybe flesh out the lede a bit with when he came to Minneapolis, some noteworthy properties, etc.

Early life

I made a few grammar tweaks.
What did he do in the logging camp? I assume he was a logger, but it would be better to say so explicitly.

Real estate empire

Where did he get the initial capital to enter the real estate business?

Lyndale Farm

"...the two purchased the Lyndale Farm..." I think this means Innes and Remington purchased it? Better to say so directly.

Financial collapse

"...but not successfully convicted." I think "successfully" is confusing here. Either he was convicted or he wasn't. Unless you're trying to say he was convicted, but the conviction was overturned on appeal?

Everything else looks fine. I'll put this on hold for now until these minor concerns are addressed. --Coemgenus (talk) 02:06, 11 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review and comments! I have expanded the lede a bit and reworded or elaborated to clarify some of the points you mentioned above. The one item I'm stuck on is where he got the initial backing to enter the real estate business. None of my sources shed any light on it, unfortunately. I would speculate that his original partner H. C. Brackett was probably related to local businessman George A. Brackett and the backing came from their money, but that's really just a guess. Nsteffel (talk) 16:33, 11 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Nsteffel: That all looks fine. As to the unresolved issue: if the sources don't say, then you've fine all you can do. I'm glad to promote this one. Nice work! --Coemgenus (talk) 14:07, 12 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]