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Talk:Loud Tour Live at the O2/GA1

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GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Et3rnal (talk · contribs) 20:35, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • "The DVD and Blu-ray Disc release features" → "The DVD and Blu-ray Disc releases feature".
  • "including the encore and features songs" – remove 's' on feature.
Background
  • "Rihanna addressed rumors about a special performance to be included on the setlist..." – This sentence and the following one aren't expanded, and so seem a bit redundant. Could you possibly expand them?
Release
  • "Apart of North America" – I'm not sure what this means.
    • Well, she did shows in North America, however, also in Europe and etc... — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've changed it a bit to reflect this, as I think the previous version sounded a bit weird.
  • "Via her official Twitter account, she announced that she is to film" – should be past tense.
Concert synopsis
  • "Scenes are intercuted" → "Scenes are intercut".
  • "while wearing blue electric dress" → "while wearing a blue electric dress"
  • "a car is present on the scenes and Rihanna climbs to its top while performs" → "a car is present during the scene, to which Rihanna climbs to its top while performing"
  • All the 'intercuted' should be changed to 'intercut'.
  • "Rihanna heading to her show with a metro" → "Rihanna heading to her show within a metro".
  • "name of the cities in which they perform" → "name of the cities in which they performed".
  • "After the performances, scenes of Rihanna and her team choosing the artwork for Talk That Talk covers and prepares for her appearance on Ellen DeGeneres Show" → "After the performances, scenes of Rihanna and her team are shown choosing the artwork for Talk That Talk, as well as Rihanna preparing for her appearance on Ellen DeGeneres Show".
  • "the singer is back on the stage wearing yellow dress and performs "Unfaithful" on a platform" – "the singer is back on the stage wearing a yellow dress, performing "Unfaithful" on a platform".
  • "Scenes of Rihanna having fun with her fans are and making a birthday party for her manager Jay Brown are shown" – remove the first 'are' and replace the second one with 'is'.
  • "they are traveling" – 'travelling'.
  • "She is arguing with the tour director how the set should be like, because she wants to add "We Found Love" to i" – replaced 'be like' with 'arranged' and at 'it' at the end.
  • "Loud Tour Live at the O2 finishes with Rihanna performing "We Found Love" as final song". – add 'the' before 'final'.

 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial performance
  • "The following week stayed on the same position" – add 'it' before 'stay'.

 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Credits and personnel
  • You should move the sentence at the bottom to the top for better accessibility.

 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

References
  • 10.Rap-Up's publisher is 'Rap-Up, LLC'.
  • 12.Consequence of Sound is self-published.
  • 13.Digital Spy's publisher is 'Hearst Magazines UK'.
  • 34.'Prometheus Global Media' should be linked.

 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

No major issues, in general looks fine. Will put on hold. Et3rnal 21:29, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Looks splendid, passing. Et3rnal 13:36, 19 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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