Talk:Lou Phillips/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ikhtiar H (talk · contribs) 10:48, 1 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing section by section. Ikhtiar H (talk) 10:48, 1 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Ikhtiar H: Thanks for reviewing so far. I think it would be useful for you to have a look at the Good article criteria. FunkyCanute (talk) 17:19, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

Why not place Military career infobox to the Military service and death section?

The infobox belongs where it is. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:35, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Royal Fusiliers requires linking.

Done. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:35, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

A number of words needs to be linked: "scrum half", "club rugby", "caps", "amateur golfer", "Newport", "Monmouthshire", "20th Battalion" "half-back" and "Royal Fusiliers". Otherwise, this makes unfamiliar readers like me difficult to understand. (These are so unknown that I might have listed links that doesn't make any sense! In that case, I apologize.)

I've added several links. FunkyCanute (talk) 12:42, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Born in Newport, Monmouthshire, Phillips was educated at Monmouth Grammar School, leaving to become an architect." the school specification is irrelevant here. About him being an Architect can be kept in some way.

I disagree. The intro is a summary of the article. FunkyCanute (talk) 12:42, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

~~"earning a place in the 1st XV after several players retired or defected to rugby league." this part should be replaced in the Rugby career section.~~
~~"during which he developed a famous half-back partnership with Llewellyn Lloyd." what does "partnership" mean here? The sentence should be reworded. If Lloyd was his teammate, it should be mentioned.~~

Early life

The middle name "Augustus" is not required here. It's optional.
"He was educated at Monmouth Grammar School." reconstruction. This doesn't sound good if there isn't any guardian identity.

I don't understand your comment, and I don't see anything wrong with the sentence. FunkyCanute (talk) 12:49, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I actually meant to change it to an active sentence rather than passive. Anyways, it was an optional comment. Ikhtiar H (talk) 10:51, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"After serving his articles with Huberston and Fawkner, architects, he began practising in 1907." What articles? Are those about architect? What did he began practising?

I've added a link to articles to help clarify. FunkyCanute (talk) 12:49, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Monmouth Grammar School" needs linking. ~~Another query is: from where did "Grammer" come from?~~ Didn't see it as a redirect at first sight.

Linked. I don't understand your question. FunkyCanute (talk) 12:49, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The whole section depends on a bibliography reference, which does not consist of any link or ISBN.

The book is from 1919 and predates ISBN. Offline sources are perfectly acceptable. FunkyCanute (talk) 12:49, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Accepted. Ikhtiar H (talk) 10:51, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Rugby career

Why not split the sections into half based on his club and international career?

That would leave two short sections, which is unnecessary. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

That same reference in the Early life section needs fixing. Note that every parameters with this ref needs to be fixed.

As I mentioned above, this is an offline source from 1919. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"That first season was disappointing for Newport, losing seven games,..." the word "that" should be replaced with "the". Furthermore, whose "first" season was this, Newport's or Philip's? This specification is missing.

I've done a little copy edit to clarify. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"...while others had married..." was there a tradition of rugby players to stop playing after marrying? Please mention that as a note. See WP:FN for more info.

Following the source here. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"half back" needs linking.

Done. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"He began a 'historic' partnership at half back with Llewellyn Lloyd" though there isn't any specification in the source, an explanation about a half-back partnership can be written.
"...were the only 2 players to appear in all 24 matches of the season." change "2" to "two" according to WP:NUMERAL.

This is usually the case, but when you have more than one number mentioned in the sentence, where one or more are numerals, all should be numerals. FunkyCanute (talk)

"..began rebuilding the team" avoid this kind of jargons. Either make it standard or just remove it.

Not jargon but I've reworded anyway. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

~~The captain was Llewellyn Lloyd, not Lou according to the source.~~ I apologize for neglecting the sentence subject. But in either case, it is an insignificant information that needs removals.
Reference 3,4 and 5 have the same title. Consider including the seasons by year in the titles of the ref. For instance, The 1897-98 Season in the 3rd ref title.

Done.FunkyCanute (talk) 22:33, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"scoring 9 tries, 2 dropgoals and 1 penalty." missing Wikilink of these scoring techniques. And the publisher, Alun Lee isn't verified.

Done. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"He was a strong runner and tackled well." it was a remark of his performance before international career mentioned in the newspaper reference. Thus, unnecessary and wrongly sourced.

It's absolutely correctly sourced. It's also part of the reason for his inclusion in the side. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"His initial selection was principally due to his partnership at Newport with Lloyd, who also made selection for Wales, and had already played in 1896 against Ireland, and against Scotland and Ireland in 1899" trim this sentence.

I've split the sentence. FunkyCanute (talk) 13:06, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Belfast", "Cardiff", "Jones" and "Aberavon" missing Wikilink.

Various links added. FunkyCanute (talk) 16:55, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"The half-back combination was not as good as with Lloyd but worked better than pundits had expected." I don't think its worth to compare with an other player. Thus remove it.

It's absolutely worth comparing. FunkyCanute (talk) 16:55, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Golf

"Welsh Amateur Golfing Champion", not sure if it could be linked, but it has to have support in some way. Same goes with "the Irish Championship in 1913" and "Open Championship in 1914."

"Welsh Amateur Golfing Champion" is supported by the reference. I've added links where articles exist. FunkyCanute (talk) 17:15, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Military service and death

Isn't there any page about the 20th Battalion?

No, it's just one of many battalions. FunkyCanute (talk) 17:15, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Latest comments

I found the supporting page, Habershon and Fawckner. But here, it's Huberston and Fawkner.

I don't know what you mean by 'supporting page'. The 'support' is the citation to a third party source, not a wikilink. In any case, it might be the same firm, but we can't know for certain without another reference, so the correct thing to do is to follow the source. FunkyCanute (talk) 22:27, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Cites reliable sources, where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused (see summary style):
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Since the nominator has already started working, I'm keeping this on hold for 7 days. This is the checklist as of now. So far, it is going steadily and up to the mark. Ikhtiar H (talk) 11:09, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Ikhtiar H: I believe that's all the main points tackled. Thanks for the review. FunkyCanute (talk) 22:35, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Result

Promoting this to GA. Mind the gap between good and featured articles if you want to go for GA. Still there's a lot of ways to improve this article. Anyways, it slightly caught the eyes and hope you keep up the good work! Ikhtiar H (talk) 04:40, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]