Talk:Los Ángeles Negros/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GreatOrangePumpkin (talk · contribs) 20:58, 30 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
"and after winning a local competition in June 1968, they recorded and released their first single, "Porque Te Quiero". " - I would begin a new sentence: "After winning... which attracted..."

"and several singles in the following years which topped the charts across Latin America." - and several chart-topping (or number one) singles..

"Following Germaín de la Fuente's departure from the group, " - why not just "Fuente's departure"?

"classic band members left too and established other similarly named bands" remove classic; remove other; left too -> also left; -> established bands with similar names

"along with Sergio Rojas" - better would be "and Sergio Rojas"

What is the Consolidada?

Many red links. I suggest delink all except those which you or other users will create in future

"but De la Fuente" - "except" would be better

"who did not like The Beatles at all" - redundant

"wanted to sing " - they wanted to sing. Also why singing? I would write that they wanted to do Bolero music

"As a result, they mixed both styles,[3] in a style known as Balada rockmántica or Bolero-beat.[2]" - suggest: As a result, they created a mixed style known as ...

"and were awarded the possibility to record a single in Sello Indis" and received the opportunity to record...

Sello Indis is what exactly? A studio?

"They recorded the songs" - remove "the songs". Also note that the slash indicates that the latter is the b-side and the first the a-side. Say so.

" which were released " - which was?

"and became a quintet after Federico Blasser joined the band to play the drums" - and became a quintet when drummer Frederico Blasser joined the band

"and along with De la Fuente's voice" - and because of Fuente's voice

"Quickly, Oñate contacted three studio musicians," - could you move the quickly ahead "contacted"?

", drummer Luis Ortiz," - I would replace the first comma either with a colon, an unspaced m-dash or a spaced n-dash

"Los Ángeles Negros' first LP, Porque Te Quiero, released in 1969" - how about "... debut 1969 LP, ..."

"proposed the studio musicians to be permanent part of the group" - proposed the studio musicians to stay permanently in the group

To avoid repetition, as you later wrote "a proposal", I suggest to replace the first word with eg "suggest"

Psychedelic funk is a red link; perhaps link as you did in the lead

LP may be replaced with "album", "record", etc

" which included" - including

""stadiums which were full of people" - who said that? Perhaps attribute to the author

"which concluded with the departure of Los Ángeles Negros of drummer Luis Ortiz" of Ortiz from Los Angeles Negros

Just mention their full names once but then only their surnames

Why did Fuente leave the band?

"During the early 1980s, the band performed live at least 150 times yearly in Mexico, leading them to settle there in 1983." - How about: "After the successful period in the early 1980s when the band performed live at least 150 times in Mexico in a year, they decided to move to this country in 1983 "

"until 1990, with their comeback album El Esperado Regreso" - until the 1990 comeback album El Esperado Regreso

" "inspired in tropical music"" should that be "inspired by tropical music"? Also add who said this (same situation with every quote in this article)

"Former members Jorge González and Germaín de la Fuente returned to Chile too" - remove "too" and instead write "...also returned..."

"Guitarist Mario Gutiérrez continued to be part of Los Ángeles Negros as the only original member, and became its leader." - and later became its leader

"which he calls "músicos piratas" (illegal musicians)" - who are for him, or, who he calls

"In an unexpected move" - sounds a bit awkward. Suggest removal

"Their label, EMI," -remove commas

" on 14 February 2010 at the Teatro Caupolicán. " - move the 14 2 2010 date to the end

"The group's reunion, " - "group's" redundant

"Sala SCD" - which is what?

", and Los Galos, and the Peruvian band Los Pasteles Verdes." - remove "and" ahead Los Galos
Fixed everything, I think. Lester Foster (talk | talk) 15:55, 20 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Prose is a bit sloppy, but I think you can fix the issues in the following days. Regards.--Kürbis (✔) 18:08, 18 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Pass/Fail: