Talk:Lopez v. Seccombe
Feedback from New Page Review process
[edit]I left the following feedback for the creator/future reviewers while reviewing this article: Nice work
North8000 (talk) 15:11, 26 February 2024 (UTC)
A sample
[edit]S1mply.dogmom (or anyone): The article strikes me as confused. For a sample, let's try a short section, "Background on Seccombe". Currently:
- William Seccombe was the mayor of San Bernardino at the time of the court case. He had served as mayor from 1941 to 1947.<ref name="Venturi-2015" /> Born in Nova Scotia, Canada, he himself was an immigrant. He grew up in San Bernardino after his parents moved there during his childhood. Mexican Americans in San Bernardino were always subject to discriminatory practices that varied from public school to public facilities such as pools. It can be argued that he was the last part of generational racism.<ref name="Venturi-2015" />
That seems very disjointed. And the notion of anybody being "the last part of generational racism" is most puzzling. ("Among the last generation of racists" would at least make sense, but I doubt that it would be accurate.)
Try these three fragments:
- William Seccombe had been the mayor of San Bernardino since 1941 and would remain so until 1947. He had been born in Waverley, Nova Scotia, Canada, in 1873. In 1883 the family came to San Bernardino, where he grew up, and thus he was an immigrant himself.<ref name="Venturi-2015" />
- Mexican Americans in San Bernardino were subject to discriminatory practices at public facilities such as pools, and attended segregated schools.<ref name="Venturi-2015" />
- It was while Seccombe was mayor that "the last throes of the traditional practice of ethnic segregation in Southern California were cast off".<ref name="Venturi-2015" />
I very much doubt that all three belong either to "Background on Seccombe" (however formatted) or to a single paragraph (wherever placed).
"Background on Seccombe" is an odd title. "William Seccombe", perhaps. And perhaps more could beneficially be added to it from the cited article ("Venturi-2015").
("Venturi-2015" says (i) that the parents came in 1883, and (ii) that by the 1930s Seccombe had "spent all but ten years of his life in San Bernardino". Perhaps one can infer that HS arrived in San Bernardino after his parents, but this is a little unclear. "1883" for "the family" is I think good enough.) -- Hoary (talk) 01:51, 12 October 2024 (UTC)