Talk:Looping State of Mind/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:17, 18 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section):

b. (citations to reliable sources):

c. (OR):

d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects):

b. (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/fail:

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

I will get on with this right away! --K. Peake 09:17, 18 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Dumbo Studios → Dumbo in the infobox per the usage of the word studios

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Replace hlist with bullet points

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

WP:OVERLINK of the Field under producer

Done: Removed link Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Mention the release date in the opening sentence

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Production of the album stemmed from" → "The production stemmed from"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The songs in Looping State of Mind were" → "The songs in the album were"

Question: Won't this get confused with the previously mentioned album Yesterday and Today? Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Looping State of Mind is a techno album" → "It is an ambient and minimal techno album" to be specific

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Change the SoundCloud sentence to only mentioning it was released on same day as Looping State of Mind rather than reinstating the release date

Done with the clarification that it is the digital release. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The album was released physically" → "It was released physically"

Comment: I did something a little different in light of the previous suggestion. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Looping State of Mind received critical acclaim for its" → "The album received acclaim from music critics for the"

Done for the title variation. Not done for the replacing of "critical acclaim", which I find much more concise and natural than "acclaim from music critics". Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"based on the album" → "based on it"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Background and production

"with bassist Dan Enqvist" → "with bassist Dan Enquvist"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"in a studio;" → "in an official studio;" to be specific

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"in Dumbo Studios, located in Cologne," → "in Dumbo Studios, Cologne,"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Mention when the four days were to source a release date
"before taking the demos to" → "before taking them to"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Wikilink double bass

Question: Why? The double bass isn't any more relevant to the album than any of the other listed instruments. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"a vibraphone, and a few synthesizers" → "a vibraphone and a few synthesizers" with the wikilink

Done for the wikilink, since in this case, the synthesizer isn't a commonly known instrument outside of electronic music as far as I'm aware, and examples of it, in particular, are given in the article. Not done for the removal of the serial comma. The manual of style does allow for serial commas as per MOS:SERIAL. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"at Dumbo Studios, and Willner composed" → "at Dumbo Studios and Willner composed"

Not done: They're separate clauses, so a comma is necessary. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"after the sessions concluded." → "after the conclusion."

Not done: This makes the sentence ambiguous. It raises the question "conclusion to what?" Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

"Similar to the rest of" → "Similarly to the rest of" on the audio sample text

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Mention the name of the NME reviewer

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Pipe shoegazing to Shoegaze

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"and minimal techno."" → "and minimal techno"." per MOS:QUOTE

Done: MOS:LQ would've been a better rule to cite. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"complex development, and" → "complex development and"
"basslines, drums, and" → "basslines, drums and"

Not done for both of the above suggestions. MOS:SERIAL commas are allowed in Wikipedia. I don't understand why you want me to remove them. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"combines a deep baseline" → "combines a deep bassline"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Where are the ambient melodies sourced for "Is This Power"?

Comment: Uhh...it appears the sources don't verify that "Is This Power" has ambient melodies. I've replaced it with an instrument that is verified. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Pipe R&B to Contemporary R&B

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"is built off of" → "is built off of a"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"its emotional tone."" → "its emotional tone"."

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"that is slowly developed" → "that is gradually developed"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"described by Line of Best Fit as" → "described by Josh Hall of The Line of Best Fit as" with the wikilink

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

""strangely-emotive" closer, "Sweet Slow Baby", features stuttering" → ""strangely emotive" closer, "Sweet Slow Baby", features clunking" per the source

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Release

Retitle to Release and promotion

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Move the promotional tour to being the sentence after the physical release

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Make the digital download sentence the last one of the first para

Question: Did you mean paragraph? And if you did, wouldn't that disconnect it from the "Then It's White" sentence? Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The track "Then It's White" was released the same day on" → "The same day as the album's release, "Then It's White" was shared on"

Not done: I find this unnecessary and redundant. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"of "It's Up There", and a" → "of "It's Up There" and a"

Not done: Considering this is the fourth time you asked me to remove a serial comma, I hope you have a very good reason to want me to remove them. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

Add the first sentence as "Looping State of Mind was met with..." mentioning the level of praise it got from music critics
"According to the review aggregator website Metacritic," → "At Metacritic, which assigns a normalized rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream publications, the album received an average score of..." adding the score from the sidebar and this as the second sentence

Comment: I have rewritten the opening sentence to address the above two requests while keeping it concise. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cut down the Metacritic quote

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"more subtly lateral thinkers."" → "more subtly lateral thinkers"." per MOS:QUOTE

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Italicise Looping State of Mind and cut down the Consequence quote

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Put some of PopMatters into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Alex Young opined," → "Alex Young opined that"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"confident and purposeful."" → "confident and purposeful"."

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"after Yesterday and Today, and that the" → "after Yesterday and Today and the"

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"the top of his game."" → "the top of his game"."

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Accolades

Mention some of the higher rankings on the year-end lists at the start of this sub-section in prose

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Remove pipe on Beats Per Minute

Not done: Doing so will make it link to tempo, which is not the intended article. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"as among the best electronic albums." → "as the 26th best electronic album of the past 30 years up to 2022." per the source

Done in regards to setting the date for the list. Not done for adding the specific rank. The list is not ranked in order of quality; it is ranked in order of release date. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Year-end lists → Year-end lists for Looping State of Mind

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Refs should be centered

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Track listing

Where is this sourced to?

Done: I've added a source Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Personnel

Shouldn't Axel Willner be credited as The Field per the source?

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Pipe production to Record producer

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Pipe sound engineering to Audio engineer

Done kinda: The source says, "Polished and engineered exquisitely by Dumbo’s studio technician, Jan Philipp Janzen." It doesn't specify either sound or audio engineering, so rather than piping it, I'm just going to change it the first word from "sound" to "audio". Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Change mixing to mastering per the source

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Charts

See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Center the chart positions

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

Good

References

Copyvio score looks pretty good at 35.1%!!!
Italicise The Line of Best Fit in ref 1's title

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cite Red Bull Music Academy as publisher instead on ref 5

Not done: See my comments down below. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Italicise Looping State of Mind in the titles of refs 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21, 23, 24, 39, 42 and 43

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Ditto for ref 13 and MusicOMH → musicOMH

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cite BBC Music as publisher instead and italicise Looping State of Mind for ref 18

Not done: See my comments down below. Done for italicization though. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Line of Best Fit → The Line of Best Fit on refs 22 and 26

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 30

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cite Apple Music as publisher instead on ref 32 and the SE URL would be more appropriate

Not done: See my comments down below. Done for switching to SE URL though. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cite SoundCloud as publisher instead on ref 33

Not done: See my comments down below. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cite Kompakt as publisher instead on refs 36, 37 and 38

Not done: See my comments down below. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Cite Metacritic as publisher instead on ref 44

Not done: See my comments down below. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Italicise XLR8R in the title of ref 54

Done Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments and verdict

On hold until all of the issues are fixed; this shouldn't take too long, nice job! --K. Peake 11:41, 18 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I have addressed all your requests and done most of them. Two recurring types of requests I have ignored include requests to move a website into the publisher parameter, which I thought I convinced you to stop requesting when you reviewed the article for MCMXC a.D., and requests to remove the serial comma. A footnote contained in MOS:WEBITALICS reads:
When used by Wikipedia in a reference citation, any website or other online publication is being cited as a published work, by definition; Wikipedia does not cite companies, individuals, or other entities, only works published by them. As with sources in any medium, titles of minor works (e.g., online articles) go in quotation marks, and titles of major works (e.g. websites) go in italics, even if they would not be italicized in running text as services, companies, etc.
They also explicitly advise against your very request by saying, "Do not abuse incorrect template parameters (e.g. by putting the work title in |publisher= or |via=) in an attempt to avoid italicizing digital sources." I know a few sources prior to the review did abuse the parameters such as the one for AllMusic, which is why I have corrected them while addressing your requests. Furthermore, you have requested four times that I remove the serial comma, even though it does not go against the manual of style. MOS:SERIAL allows for serial commas "so long as [the] article is internally consistent", even advising in favor of them in cases such as "list with multi-word items...or a series of probably unfamiliar terms." In this case, I feel like you're trying to enforce a standard you like onto an article that already uses another standard that is considered fine. Regardless, thank you for reviewing. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Whoops, forgot to ping you. @Kyle Peake: Lazman321 (talk) 01:26, 21 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lazman321 Thanks for the response and I was not aware of the serial comma rules, I will bare those in mind for the future. As for the publisher requests, I was not trying to enforce my reference rather than how I had learnt of non-italicised sources being publishers but I understand that is not always the case so this is acceptable. However, you still need to give context of the production being in 2011 before the four days to use the recording year in infobox, remove pipe on Beats Per Minute altogether on the second instance in prose since that is overlinking and add italicisation of the album title in sources not using quote marks for it. --K. Peake 08:46, 21 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: I have done your remaining requests. Lazman321 (talk) 19:17, 21 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lazman321 ✓ Pass now, well done on fixing everything and maintaining civility despite our disagreements! --K. Peake 21:40, 21 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]