Talk:Live in Tokyo (Charles Tolliver album)/GA1
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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I will take this on later today. --K. Peake 11:06, 18 February 2021 (UTC)
Infobox and lead
[edit]- Infobox looks good!
- Wikilink jazz
- "during their first tour" → "during Tolliver and Music Inc.'s first tour"
- "Truth" being among the original compositions is not directly sourced anywhere in the body
- The track listing credits its composer as Tolliver, making it an original composition. isento (talk) 01:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- The release year of "Round Midnight" is not notable for the lead
- "about a year later on" → "about a year after the show on" since the year has not been specified since the first para
- Target independent label to Independent record label
- Target CD to Compact disc
- "from that same period." → "from that same period, titled Mosaic Select."
- "particularly their innovative" → "They particularly highlighted their innovative" because the sentence is a run-on at the moment
- "although some questioned" → "although some critics questioned"
Background
[edit]- "was dominated by the twin progressive movements" → "was dominated by the twin movements" since the progressive part is not properly sourced
- "among hard-bop peers," → "among hard bop peers," for consistency
- Target musical ideas to Motif (music)
- "an independent record label, Strata-East Records (in New York City), with" → "the independent record label Strata-East Records (in New York City) with" but where is the NYC part sourced?
- The New York City Record prefaces his returning to New York before discussing further developments like forming the label. I will keep as is to avoid WP:BLUELINK, and neither is grammatically incorrect. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- You are not supposed to add commas before things like this in the body unlike the lead, plus in this context "the" reads better and the second comma renders useless. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- According to this grammar guide, commas can be used to separate a noun from a non-restrictive phrase describing that noun. I have reworded it to "... found Strata-East Records, a New York-based independent record label, ..." isento (talk) 06:41, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Yeah this version is fine, good job! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- "embarked on their first tour of Japan" part is not sourced and the liner notes probably do not mention it as being their first tour in the country; correct me if I'm wrong
- The liner notes do verify this. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Recording and performance
[edit]- Reword the img text to being something of relevance, rather just mentioning it being a pic of Cowell
- "led the quartet featuring" → "led the quartet, featuring"
- "A 30-second sample with" → "A 30-second sample of "Effi", with" on the audio sample text
- You still need to add the song title on the audio sample's text. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Might be me getting confused by re-wording, but does the AllMusic ref really mention everything cited for the first sentence of the second para?
- Yes. "the Tokyo gig kicks from top to bottom ... full-tilt post-bop on Tolliver's 'Drought' that opens the set is a great example. 'Stretch,' ... full-on swinging mode." isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- "kick[ing] from top to bottom", "full-tilt", and "full-on swinging mode" indicate the album is thoroughly uptempo, with the first two songs in particular. isento (talk) 02:16, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Yes. "the Tokyo gig kicks from top to bottom ... full-tilt post-bop on Tolliver's 'Drought' that opens the set is a great example. 'Stretch,' ... full-on swinging mode." isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- "and intensely-toned solo" → "and heavily-toned solo" or something similar, to be more encyclopaedic
- The source uses "intense, parched tone". So the paraphrasing is accurate here. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- That is a review source though, so you should change to make the POV more neutral since "intensely" sounds like it indicates praise. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- I have changed it to "sharp-toned", which has a similar connotation and is used in other scholarly sources on jazz. isento (talk) 06:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Nice one, that is neutral and reads a lot better for sure! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- "that led the quartet into" → "that led Music Inc. into"
- Wikilink should be on block chords instead
- [9] should not be at the end of the penultimate sentence, as it backs up both of the last two in this para
- Wikiink time signature
- The fills part does not appear to be sourced
- "Runs" is another word for "fills", in the context of jazz. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you for informing me, never knew that before. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- "Music Inc. performed" → "Music Inc. performed a cover version of" but it is not directly mentioned as an encore anywhere
- Jurek suggests this, but I have added the Cook & Morton source, which says "encore", to the citation. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Neat addition! --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Release and reception
[edit]- Can you find a mention of any release date for the LP in Japan even if vague?
- No. Not among reliable sources. There is a primary source in the LP packaging images at Discogs, but it does not even have a copyright year. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Attribute the Billboard review to Anon
- Mention the staff as reviewing the album then, as it is awkward to write that a publication itself was the reviewer. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- That would be no less incorrect, as staff means all the employees. The current phrasing also appears in high-quality music sources ([[1], [2]). Other variations appear as well ([3], [4]). isento (talk) 06:51, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- These are not on an encyclopaedia, though; I have added "a writer" here because we do not know their real identity. --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- "The magazine praised the trumpeter's" → "Anon praised the trumpeter's"
- Target Down Beat to DownBeat
- "finding it "good" yet" → "finding it "good", yet"
- "(and Cowell too) ..." → "(and Cowell too) [...]" since that is how you correctly use ellipsis to indicate a period taken out of the quote
- Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
- Target CD to Compact disc
- "as a player" as his performance" → "as a player", as his performance"
- "was singled out for" → "was singled out by them for"
- I used "by the guide", as the entry's individual author is unknown or unclear. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Img looks good!
- "reviewed the Mosaic box set" → "reviewed the box set"
- Target Cafe Bohemia to Café Bohemia
- Target Five Spot to Five Spot Café
- "from the Village Vanguard."" → "from the Village Vanguard"." per MOS:QUOTE
- "of the quartet's performances" → "of Music Inc.'s performances"
- ""'Round Midnight". But he ultimately found" → ""'Round Midnight", but ultimately found" because the former sentence is too short and it is also awkward to start a sentence with the word "but"
- Writing guides such as this one approve of starting sentences with the word "but". And in this case, this separates the critic's positive idea in one sentence and a negative in the other, while avoiding a run-on. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Track listing
[edit]- Shouldn't the top line specify that they are all written by him except where noted?
- This is indicated by the phrase composition, which means a written piece of music. Adding "written by" would be slightly redundant. Book sources on compositions use the same phrasing. isento (talk) 02:05, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Personnel
[edit]- Good
Notes
[edit]- Good
References
[edit]- Copyvio score looks pretty good at 25.4%!
Bibliography
[edit]- Are you sure Anon is an author for as many of the sources as currently listed?
- The shorthand indicates no credited author for the source and is used merely as a placeholder for the function of citation-style consistency. isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Target The Penguin Guide to Jazz on CD to The Penguin Guide to Jazz
- Cite AllMusic as publisher instead and only wikilink on the first instance
- Both WP:CS1 and Template:Cite web say not to use that parameter "for the name of a work (e.g. a website ...)" isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Target Down Beat to DownBeat
Further reading
[edit]- Good
External links
[edit]- Good
Final comments and verdict
[edit]- On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but interesting to see you nominate a live album for once! --K. Peake 19:36, 18 February 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you. I have made the requisite changes and responded above otherwise. isento (talk) 02:14, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Isento Nice to see you having replied so quickly; there are still a few more things that need fixing and I pointed them out above. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
- Isento Very good responses the second time round too, always a pleasure to see this. ✓ Pass now and this review has seen your best response yet, truth be told! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)