Talk:Lie Kim Hok/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 11:25, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be glad to take this review. Initial comments to follow in the next 1-5 days. Thanks in advance for your work on this one! -- Khazar2 (talk) 11:25, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:35, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

On first pass, this looks, unsurprisingly, extremely solid and close to passage. As always, really nice work. Below are some picky points for your consideration; I also made some minor changes throughout that you should feel free to revert if you see any you disagree with.

"a peranakan Chinese" -- since this definition is a bit buried in the linked article, it would be helpful to define this term here either in parentheses or an efn.

Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

pantun is another term where an efn might be helpful, but this usage is much easier to look up and not necessary for GA. Ditto for "wayang".

Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Lie had soon begun assisting" -- could this be simply "began assisting"?

Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"he has become marginalised." -- probably better to say "his work" here, unless this process mostly occurred in his lifetime. (In which case, the tense might be changed)

Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" Titled Hikajat Kong Hoe Tjoe, the book's contents were derived from European writings on Confucianism and his friends' explanations." -- I think this is very technically a dangling modifier (the book was titled HKHT, not the book's contents). I tweaked to try to avoid the issue.

Thanks, changed a little. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"starring Pierre Alexis Ponson du Terrail's character Rocambole" -- "starring" is a word I associate more with movies--would "featuring" be appropriate here? I made this change and also added a hair more context.

Alright, looks good.

"Two final translations, Geneviève de Vadans from a book entitled De Juffrouw van Gezelschap and Prampoean jang Terdjoewal from Hugo Hartmann's Dolores, de Verkochte Vrouw, were published in newspapers and collated as novels after Lie's death; the former translation was completed by the journalist Lauw Giok Lan." -- this sentence is super dense-- I wonder if the very complicated clause with the Indonesian/Dutch titles of the books could be moved to the end of the sentence after a colon or something.

Split. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Forbidden from leaving the house, Lie's condition steadily declined." -- another sentence that's very technically a dangling modifier (his condition wasn't forbidden to leave). Tweaked.

Reworked a bit. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

""Tua-muda membatja dengan mesra tulisan2nja, jang dipudji gaja-bahasanja jang sederhana, berirama, djernih, hidup, segar dan kuat. Tjermat dan tepat dipilihnja kata2, tertib dan rapi disusunnja kalimat2. ... Dikatakan orang, ia terlahir mendahului zaman. Ia diibaratkan sebuah bintang besar berkilau-kilauan, suatu kontras tadjam terhadap bintang2 ketjil jang muram diangkasa jang gelap-gelita."" -- are the 2s meant to be in the text of this block quote? I know nothing about how Indonesian is written/transliterated.

Yeah, the twos are in the original source text. They are often used (although now mostly in non-formal contexts) to indicate reduplication, which is how Indonesian indicates pluralisation. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"entries here are derived from his list" -- is the "his" here "Tio's" or "Lie's"? I'm guessing Tio's.

How's "that"? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The controversy section might be named something slightly more specific like "Originality controversy" -- Khazar2 (talk) 20:32, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Not quite keen on that, as "originality controversy" strikes me as an odd phrasing. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:51, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

No problem. -- Khazar2 (talk) 00:10, 26 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Chinese Malay literature, written in "low" Malay, was declared steadily marginalised" -- "declared steadily marginalised" is an unusual phrase-- who's declaring it, and did they really give it "steadily marginalised" status? Perhaps this could be tweaked. -- Khazar2 (talk) 20:36, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oops, "declared" is an abortus. Removed and reworded. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:52, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Spotchecks show no evidence of copyright issues. ~~Some small clarity issues noted above.~~
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	Pass

Thanks for reviewing! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:14, 26 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

My pleasure--an interesting topic. -- Khazar2 (talk) 00:23, 26 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]