Talk:Lewis Archer/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Glimmer721 (talk · contribs) 19:05, 12 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:

Prose in general is just passable. Could use a good copyedit.
- I shall try to find a copy editor as soon as possible.
"Havers was was contracted until July 2010 and he made his debut as Lewis in the episode broadcast on 18 December 2009." "Was was" problem. Also, how did his contract come 8 months after his first appearance?
"...who falls for his charm and she later hires him..." Remove "she".
- Done.
"The actor believed Lewis would be a changed man and said he just wants to apologise to those he hurt" - who said he wanted to apologize, Lewis or the actor?
- Hopefully done.
"The shows executive producer" - "shows" should be "show's"
- Done.
"...as his character was fascinating and he had an interesting story arc." Remove "he".
- Done.
"Havers was contracted until July 2010 and he made his debut as Lewis in the episode broadcast on 18 December 2009." First of all, it should be "was not". Second of all, how could the reference--an article from 2009--support the fact he was contracted in July 2010?
- Apologies, but I think I may be a little confused by this. When Havers' role in the show was announced, he stated that he was initially contracted until July 2010. I've added another ref to back that up, which I thought was already there.
"The soaps official website lists "ungallant behaviour" as something Lewis dislikes." "Soaps" should be "soap's".
- Done.

Thank you Glimmer721 for taking the time to review this article. - JuneGloom Talk 01:47, 13 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

You're welcome. The rest of the review is below. Glimmer721 ^talk 01:54, 13 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"He is introduced to Audrey Roberts and Daniel Kilkelly of Digital Spy said she was "immediately bowled over by his charming ways"." → "He is introduced by Audrey Roberts; Digital Spy's Daniel Kilkelly stated that she was "immediately bowled over by his charming ways"."
- Done.
Could you try using the word "said" less. Mix it up with synonyms like "reported", "stated", and "wrote".
- Done.
"In the advert, Lewis claimed to have "years of experience" and was "suitable to accompany ladies in any social or corporate event", two fictional phone numbers were also included". The "two fictional phone numbers were also uncluded" is not included in the sentence in a grammatically correct way, but I'm wondering if it is really important in the first place.
- You're right, removed.
Maybe explain what Emmerdale is (i.e. "fellow ITV soap opera")
- Done.
The whole "Departure" section is a different, alternate ending that was filmed, right? That's what it appears to be, as the previous section suggested closure with Audrey in Greece. However, the section reads as if the endings with Deidre and Lydia really happened on the show; I would clarify which ending did happen. I also think they are in too much detail and could be summarized a little more.
- Hopefully done.
The date in which he departed and returned are at the end of their respective paragraphs; I think they should be moved to the beginning to give it a more encyclopediac feel.
- Done.
There is one dead link
- Fixed.

The prose is generally the main issue. Otherwise it seems good enough for GA. On hold for 7 days. Glimmer721 ^talk 01:53, 13 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

It appears that everything has been addressed. I will now pass this. Glimmer721 ^talk 00:54, 16 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Are you sure? Thank you! I haven't forgotten about the copy edit, I'll put in a request at WP:GOCE later on today. - JuneGloom Talk 14:11, 16 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]