Talk:Lessons (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 01:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be glad to take this review. Thanks in advance for your work on this one. -- Khazar2 (talk) 01:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Initial readthrough

I made some copyedits as I went, so please double-check my work to see that I haven't accidentally changed the meaning. A few points need to be clarified:

"He explains about the significance of the flute and the events he experienced as Kamin " --can this be explained in a sentence or two here to avoid a non-knowledgeable reader from having to click through for the full explanation?

Added a couple of lines to briefly cover it. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Daren requests an officer transfer " -- where is she trying to transfer to? Off the ship?

Rearranged those related sentences so they should make more sense now. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"the firestorms are heading towards the outside" -- towards the outside of what?

Should have been "outpost" rather than "outside". Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" before they can be retrieved" -- are there other people with Daren? The "they" is unclear here.

Reworded it in a couple of places to make it clear that Daren wasn't alone. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"in the line of duty" -- I'm not sure this quite the right phrase here. Perhaps just "in danger"?

Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"to the final version of the script after Brannon Braga wished to avoid after recently working on another love story related script for "Aquiel"" -- this is unclear to me--what was Braga trying to avoid? who is Braga, anyway? I know I can click through, but better to give some context here.

It should be saying that he was avoiding trying to do the re-write and so they had to call in a non-staff writer to do it. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"but would be completely replaced by the time it reappears" -- this is missing a subject; right now the sentence says "The episode ... would be completely replaced." Would it be correct to say "the set" here?

I ended up doing a slight rephrase on the sentence in hindsight. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" in the subplot in Star Trek: Generations" -- what subplot is that

Added. Miyagawa (talk) 19:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Overall this seems to cover its subject well and to be well sourced. I'll start the checklist below.

Thanks for the review. Let me know if you can see anything else I need to fix. Miyagawa (talk) 19:45, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Prose is clear; spotchecks show no evidence of copyright issues.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	Pass--kudos on this one.