Talk:Lei'd in Hawaii/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:50, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Live album for once! --K. Peake 09:50, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Remove the default cover from the infobox, as that is for example pages rather than albums with no actual cover
The HIC Arena is not sourced anywhere in the body
Wikilink live album
"by the American rock band" → "by American rock band" with the pipe
"of their 1967 release Smiley Smile." → "of their 12th studio album, Smiley Smile (1967)."
Remove [1] from the lead since not only is that sourced in the body, but refs are discouraged here
"Monterey Pop Festival in June." → "Monterey Pop Festival the following month."
"in late August, the band's" → "in late August 1967, the Beach Boys'"
Remove the first shows part since it's not notable for the lead
Add a sentence directly after the Wilson one mentioning that however, Bruce Johnston declined to appear at the shows, so the para is a decent length of four sentences
"the group arranged their songs in a similar minimalist style as" → "the band arranged their songs in a minimalist style similar to" with the pipe
Pipe Baldwin organ to Baldwin Piano Company
"Their set-list included several of their past" → "The Beach Boys' set-list included past"
Pipe singles to Single (music)
"in September, the band" → "in September 1967, the band"
"as a live-in-the-studio album with the intention of inserting" → "as a live album in the studio, intending to insert" to be less repetitive with the body
"The project was" → "Lei'd in Hawaii was"
"their next album, Wild Honey." → "their next studio album, Wild Honey (1967)."
Start the last para with a sentence about the critical reception for Lei'd in Hawaii
Write reissues instead of box sets since the former is sourced in the body

Background

The img text is not of any relevance; either reword or replace the img
"The band's concerts in" → "Their concerts in"
"while a sell-out, received" → "while selling out, were met with"
"had bestowed upon the group" → "had bestowed upon them" because they are a band and changing to "them" may seem to be about other shows
"In June, Brian Wilson" → "In June 1967, Brian Wilson"
Remove comma before Smile and add the release year
"The band also announced" → "The Beach Boys also announced"
"they focused on" → "the band focused on" and add the album's release year
Pipe rock n' roll to Rock and roll
"Brian's 2016 memoir" → "Brian Wilson's 2016 memoir" per MOS:SAMESURNAME
"Rumors that the band" → "Rumors that the Beach Boys"

Live performances

Img looks good!
"to play the" → "to play at the"
"appearance from Brian Wilson," → "appearance from Wilson," per him being the most recent person of the surname mentioned
"felt that the band's situation" → "felt that the Beach Boys' situation"
Remove usage of "the" prior to NME
Pipe Baldwin organ to Baldwin Piano Company
"Doe adds that Wilson's" → "Doe adds that Brian's" per MOS:SAMESURNAME (another Wilson is mentioned here)
Add surnames of Carl and Alan using [], as this is the first time that either of them are mentioned
"stated that the occasion," → "stated that the performances,"
"their venue, Brian responded," → "a venue, Brian Wilson responded," since Carl is the most recent Wilson to be mentioned
"We wanted to another..." it looks like the word do is either missing from the quote or needs to be inserted using []
"It would have been the band's" → "It would have been their"
Wikilink live album outside of the quote per MOS:LINKSTYLE
"speculated that a" → "speculates that a"
"Smiley Smile album."" → "Smiley Smile album"." per MOS:QUOTE
"show the group" → "shows the band"
"their wives and girlfriends."" → "their wives and girlfriends"."
"The group reconfigured" → "The Beach Boys reconfigured"
Are you sure "the engagement" is an appropriate term here?
"included several of their past hits," → "included several past hits," to avoid overusage of their
"and the Box Tops'" → "and a cover version of the Box Tops'"
"Footage of the band performing" → "Footage of them performing"
Add the release year of "God Only Knows" in brackets
Wikilink Radio City Music Hall, keeping pipe to An All-Star Tribute to Brian Wilson only on the text after the hall name
"the group decided that the recordings were" → "the Beach Boys decided that the set was"
"wrote that the band" → "wrote that they"

Studio sessions

Pipe Wally Heider Recording to Wally Heider Studios
"September 29 as the band" → "September 29, as the band"
Isn't the song titled "The Game of Love"? Either way, add the release year in brackets
Pipe overdubbed to Overdubbing
Pipe spoken-word to Spoken word
"of what became" → "of what became the Beach Boys' 13th studio album" and add the release year
Remove wikilink on the Beatles

Release

"the release of the live album." → "the release of Lei'd in Hawaii."
Pipe compilations to Compilation album
Wikilink reissues
Made in California release is not sourced
Pipe bootleg to Bootleg recording
Pipe Friends to Friends (The Beach Boys album) and add the release year
"for its digital-exclusive" → "on its digital-exclusive"

Critical reception

"way with swing."" → "way with swing"." per MOS:QUOTE
"wrote that the studio sessions" → "said that the studio sessions"
Put more of Priore's review into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM
Pipe Pitchfork to Pitchfork (website)
Wikilink the Who
Pipe Uncut to Uncut (magazine)
The Mike Love mention is not notable for the above review

Set list and tracks

Add sources for these set lists
Pipe "Hawaii" to Hawaii (The Beach Boys song)

References

The ref is not needed after the note since it is also at the end of the sentence in the body
Copyvio score looks solid at 24.2%!!!!
Is ref 4 really needed when all of those pages are included for ref 5 already?
Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 8
Wikilink Da Capo Press on ref 10
WP:OVERLINK of The Honolulu Advertiser on ref 12
Remove the publisher from ref 15
Is ref 17 really needed when all of those pages are included for ref 20 already?
Wikilink Rolling Stone on ref 19 instead of ref 23, though mark both with url-access limited
Wikilink AllMusic on ref 22 instead of ref 24
Pipe Uncut to Uncut (magazine) on ref 26 and remove it from the title
Pipe Backbeat Books to Rowman & Littlefield

Final comments and verdict

On hold until all of the issues are fixed, after I reviewed this over a few days! --K. Peake 13:26, 27 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Done A few suggestions were not heeded because they didn't make sense (ex. adding a release year for Smile) or I wasn't sure how to implement them (ex. adding a note about critical reception to lead without it being WP:SYNTH). ili (talk) 20:22, 27 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ILIL I must have not noticed the unfinished part during the review, but you can mention what critics mostly praised/criticized about the album without giving an overall consensus if you are trying to avoid WP:SYNTH; what else did you not implement? --K. Peake 07:53, 28 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: Done I've added a statement about critical perspective in the lead. I did not remove the detail about the concerts being the first to feature Brian Wilson since 1965 because I thought that it was indeed lead-worthy. It was highly unusual for a rock group to tour without their frontman in the 1960s, and this occasion marked Wilson's last appearances in concert for the decade. ili (talk) 19:37, 28 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ILIL This mostly looks better, but the references need fixing where I commented about issues with the same pages still... elsewise, it's good to go! (Here is the old id) --K. Peake 22:54, 28 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I thought I had addressed every issue with the references. Not sure what else needs to be done. ili (talk) 22:56, 28 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ILIL What were refs 4 and 17 still remain, though they are now refs 3 and 16... fix this duplication of sorts. --K. Peake 08:19, 29 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I can't do that because the claims corresponding to ref 3 (Badman pp. 188-190) aren't the same claims corresponding to ref 16 (Badman p. 199). If what you're actually suggesting is to combine the citations into "Badman pp. 188-190, 199", then I'm not sure why being less specific with sources would be an improvement. ili (talk) 08:53, 29 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ILIL No, what I am confused about is why ref 3 cites pp. 188–190 when the below one cites 188-195 anyway, as well as why ref 16 cites p. 199 when ref 19 cites 199-200 already? --K. Peake 09:29, 29 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

As I've explained, the relevant text simply corresponds to different pages of the book. There's a relatively sizable amount of detail spread across the pages. Ref 3 pertains to details about their Monterey cancellation (May–June 1967) and ref 4 pertains to the subsequent recording and release of Smiley Smile (June–September 1967). I could have combined every sfn template into "Badman pp. 183-201" but then the reader would be forced to peruse 18 pages just to find the one sentence that would support the claim they're trying to verify. ili (talk) 21:30, 29 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

✓ Pass granted, your explanation for the refs being separate makes sense to avoid heavy searching through books. --K. Peake 07:28, 30 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]