Talk:Lefty Driesell/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: AIRcorn (talk) 09:44, 26 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am willing to review this article. I will read through it over the next couple of days and leave comments at the bottom. I view this as a collaborative process, so feel free to discuss any concerns I might have. At a quick glance I see the lead is rather short. I review the lead last so if you wish you can add any information to it while I am reviewing the rest. AIRcorn (talk) 09:44, 26 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Still planning on doing this, just been distracted with other stuff recently. Will try and stat this evening. AIRcorn (talk) 23:19, 31 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Okay made a start. Still need to check the references, but need to sleep now so that is a job for tomorrow. Don't anticipate too many problems there. I have given some rough comments under each of the criteria and gone into more detail under comments. Most of the comments deal with prose or parts that I think can be improved. I view this as a collaborative process so if you feel a point I raise is incorrect or you don't understand it leave a comment underneath it. AIRcorn (talk) 13:06, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Review

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Minor prose issues below, but nothing glaringly bad. The lead needs to be fleshed out some. Some details about the fire, personal life, midnight madness, some of his honours, more details about championships etc could be used.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
References present. Still need to double check a few of them to make sure there is no original research. Done looking through the references. A few comments below.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Focus is fine. A bit of a gap between 72 and 84 career wise though. Would be good to add something, but not necessary. Not a lot about his playing days either, but it is obvious he is more known as a coach so not too worried about that either. If nothing significant happened then we can leave it out.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Fine.
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
Stable
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
The image I found was on page 224 [1]. Source says page 233, should be updated unless I missed something. Copyright notice is fine. Not sure about the caption. It needs a cite to say the the "V-sign" is unique or originated from Driesell.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

After college in 1954, he took an office job which paid a $6,200 salary ($50,663 adjusted for inflation), After college in 1954 doesn't read very well. Not sure 1954 needs to be mentioned as it is at the end of the previous section.
Provide year to which you adjusted salary. Someone may be reading this 20 years from now and they won't know how old the adjustment is.Ds63 (talk) 13:30, 3 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
DAB Varsity
During his tenure there, his teams won three Southern Conference tournament championships and five regular season championships,[6] and he was named the Southern Conference Sportswriters Association Coach of the Year four consecutive times from 1963 to 1966. Would consider splitting into two sentences.
- Not too fussed about this either now that I rethink it. AIRcorn (talk) 04:14, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
At Davidson, one of his recruits included Dick Snyder, a first round selection by the Cleveland Cavaliers who later became a first round selection...??
During his successful recruitment of college prospect Don Davidson, Driesell told him, "If you come here, I'll put your name on the front [of your jersey]". Not being a basketball fan the relevance of this is lost on me.
During his time at Davidson, NC State head coach Everett Case attempted to lure Driesell to join his own coaching staff as an assistant, to which he replied, "Coach, I got a better team than you got. Why would I do that?" Would also consider splitting this in two.
- Second read through this did not stand out so much so not bothered if it is left as is. AIRcorn (talk) 04:09, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
While Driesell did not elevate Maryland to UCLA's heights, he did lead the Terrapins to eight... Might want to mention Terrapins earlier. I assume it is the nickname for Maryland. Maybe use "wanted to make Maryland Terrapins the ..." in the earlier sentence
Driesell coached the Maryland Terrapins from 1969 to 1986. Tied with the above comment. Add Terrapins and wikilink them when they first appear.
In 1974, he signed perhaps the best college prospect of his career, Moses Malone,[5] but lost him to a professional basketball franchise, the Utah Stars, on the day classes were scheduled to begin. Feel there are too many commas. It is hard to work out the parenthetical parts. Maybe reword, "a professional basketball franchise" could simply be replaced by "the Utah Stars" maybe? Don't really like the "perhaps" either, it is a bit ambiguous.
Driesell traditionally began the first practice with a requirement that his players run one mile in six minutes, but found that the players were too fatigued to practice effectively immediately afterwards. This section sounds interesting, but the purpose of this sentence is not clear. It would be good to have another small sentence explaining that this gave the players enough rest before they begun practising the next morning (if that is the case)
On July 12, 1973, Driesell.... This section might work better under Personal Life. It doesn't seem right in the middle of his Maryland career
In 1984, Driesell led the team to ... This section has too many sentences starting "In ..." or "On ..." and they are two short and choppy interrupting the flow of the paragraph.
On June 19, 1986, Maryland star Len Bias died of a cocaine-induced heart attack shortly after being drafted by the Boston Celtics as the No. 2 overall selection. Not made clear how this relates to Driesell. Len is already linked.
On October 29, Driesell resigned as head coach and took a position as an assistant athletic director. Is this because of the university panel? Okay the next sentence implies it was. I feel this whole paragraph needs to be rewritten slightly to make the major points clearer. It kinda reads like a timeline at the moment and this is especially noticeable because the other paragraphs are quite good.
Driesell resumed his coaching career at James Madison University ... too many short choppy sentences together. For example "...head coach until 1996. Driesell led James..." could be changed to "...until 1996, leading them to the...
Driesell led four of his squads to the Elite Eight... Having this closely followed by a short sentence starting "Driesell is..." is a little jarring. Maybe just make it "He led four..."
Driesell's final record was 786–394. This means nothing to me. Is it the win-loss ration?
While a student at Duke University, Driesell eloped with his wife, Joyce on December 14, 1952. Should it be eloped with his girlfriend or future wife? The comma before Joyce seems out of place too.

Still need to check the references, but you can get started on the prose issues raised now if you like. AIRcorn (talk) 12:58, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Reference

Some all caps reference titles would be better if they were not all caps.
Driesell excelled at recruiting at each of his collegiate coaching stops. Not sure about excelled. Would be more comfortable with another source to back this up. The current one talks about how he did a lot of recruiting, but not too much on how good he was at it. The Sports Illustrated article does though so maybe that should be added here.
During his tenure, he successfully recruited numerous exceptional players, including Tom McMillen, Len Elmore, John Lucas, Albert King, Buck Williams, and Len Bias Exceptional. Bit too peacocky for my mind, maybe there is a better way to introduce them. Also can't find Buck Williams is in the source.
On July 12, 1973, Driesell saved the lives of at least ten children from several burning buildings Should probably say Driesell and two other men. Saved the lives is a bit too definate, I would go with rescued or as one of the sources says "is credited with saving". The paragraph makes it appear it was all Driesell, when the sources mention it was with the help of the two men.
Members of the media widely described Driesell as a scapegoat of chancellor John B. Slaughter and the university administration "Members of the media" and "widely described" is too vague and ambiguous. As I said above this whole paragraph needs reworking to mae it clearer. This seems to be a major event and could probably be expanded upon to allow a better presentation.
Because of this and his recruiting acumen, Sports Illustrated noted that he has sometimes been—unfairly—viewed as a stellar recruiter but mediocre coach. Would remove unfairly or put it in a different context. It looks and reads like original research as it is.
On April 2, 2010, the first annual Lefty Driesell Award for the best defensive player in NCAA Division I basketball was bestowed upon its first recipient, Jarvis Varnado of Mississippi State. Not really anything to do with references, but I would feel having an award named after you deserves more than a sentence.

Okay final read through don. AIRcorn (talk) 04:03, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

No response. No choice but to fail. Hope the comments help to improve the article should someone wish to re-nominate it. AIRcorn (talk) 08:41, 14 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]