Talk:Kylian Mbappé/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Oltrepier (talk · contribs) 09:00, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

@Paul Vaurie: Hello, I just wanted to say that I'll take care of this review very soon! Despite the page's indication, I think this is actually the third GA review for this article: I hope it will be the right time to promote it! : ) Oltrepier (talk) 09:00, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
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Comments

@Paul Vaurie: Alright, the article looks almost ready for promotion, in my opinion! I just have a few doubts that hold me back to give it a straight pass, but those issues should all be easy to solve. Before we get started, I'll just note that I've boldly tried to copy-edit the article myself, just to make some general fixes, although you already did a great job at structuring the article and filling it with the most important details!

Prose and grammar

The text generally looks fine, although there are some phrases that are either oddly-structured, or in need of punctuation and better connection. Let me give you some examples:

- "During his childhood, he had a nanny whose entire family were AC Milan fans from whom Mbappé once received Robinho's number 70 shirt as a gift." This phrase needs to be articulated better... What about, "As a child, Mbappé received Robinho's AC Milan shirt as a gift from his nanny's family, who were supporters of the Italian club"? (On a side note, mentioning Robinho might be controversial, given the crimes he's committed).

- "He ultimately settled on Monaco." Not a syntax error, but I think you might as well move this phrase straight to the "Monaco" paragraph, just to make a better connection.

- "Mbappé therefore became Monaco's youngest-ever first-team player, aged 16 years and 347 days, breaking Thierry Henry's record set 21 years previously." I think the latter half might be better phrased as "breaking the previous record set by Thierry Henry in 1994".

- "In an interview with CNN, Vadim Vasilyev, AS Monaco's vice-president, who played a key role in Mbappé signing his first professional contract with the Ligue 1 club [...]" I don't think you need to specify that, really, as it would make the statement too redundant...

- "Mbappé credited fellow Monaco striker Radamel Falcao [...] traits which Mbappé noted he lacked." I'm pretty sure the last phrase means that Mbappé lacked those traits, not Falcao, but I think it should be made even clearer...

- "According to PSG recruiter Luis Ferrer, part of Mbappé's decision was influenced by a speech given manager Unai Emery at the Mbappés' home over the summer." So, Emery convinced him to sign for PSG, right? Also, what did you mean for "recruiter" exactly? Was it a scout, or a different figure?

- "Mbappé capped his debut senior season at Monaco by scoring five times for France as they won the 2016 UEFA European Under-19 Championship. His second-half brace in the 3–1 victory over Portugal in the semi-finals had helped his team reach the final." I think it's not necessary to address his debut season with Monaco here, since you're focusing on his international career. Also, he was included in the Team of the Tournament at those same Euros, so it could be useful to address it.

- "On 30 June 2018, he was named man of the match in a 4–3 win over Argentina, scoring twice and suffering a foul in the box which resulted in Antoine Griezmann opening the score from a penalty kick." I think the penalty foul should go before his brace, not after.

- "At the age of 17, he had a lean frame, but was able to cope thanks to his physical strength and athleticism. By the time he turned 22 years old, he had physically developed into an elite goalscorer." Honestly, I think this whole statement might be kind of redundant, as well, since the same characteristics are described right above...

- "On 22 February 2018, Mbappé was joined by two of Africa's greatest strikers, former AC Milan forward and current Liberia President George Weah, and former Chelsea and Ivory Coast forward Didier Drogba [...]" I think this could be all summed up by just writing, "joined by former strikers George Weah and Didier Drogba". That way, it would be easier to respect WP:NPOV: plus, information about Weah and Drogba are already easily accessible from their respective articles.

Sourcing

I think you've done a good job at citing references, although there are some instances where a single phrase has up to four-five citations attached, which looks a bit excessive to me. For a similar reason, I think you should provide inline citations for each of "Mbappé's idols growing up", just so you can avoid having an overload at the end of the phrase.

On a side note, there are a few sites/portals I'm not familiar with (Dzair Daily, 20 Minutes, 20 Minutes, Squawka, sportsmax.tv, myKhel, etc.): can you confirm they're reliable enough? Also, I've noticed that Mike Christie had suggested you not to use Bleacher Report as a source in his own review of this article, so be careful about that... Finally, citations #127 and #291 have been marked as dead links, so you might need to replace them.

Side notes

These suggestions actually aren't strictly related to GA status, but I think you could address at least two more notable events in either the "Personal life" or the "Outside football" section: firstly, the fact Mbappé received the Knight of the Legion of Honour order in 2018 (which is actually cited down in the "Honours" section"); secondly, his involvement in the series of scandals that brought to Noël Le Graët's resignation from his position at the French Football Federation. These are just quick-fire ideas, though, and you can work on those even after the end of this review, should you wish to do so.

Anyway, I hope my review will be clear and on point enough: feel free to address any other issue you might encounter! Oltrepier (talk) 14:59, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

@Oltrepier: Thanks! I will do this very soon. Paul Vaurie (talk) 17:36, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

@Paul Vaurie: You're very welcome. Just make sure to ping me when you're done, just to make sure I don't miss your message! Oltrepier (talk) 21:02, 30 August 2023 (UTC)

About this: "Mbappé credited fellow Monaco striker Radamel Falcao [...] traits which Mbappé noted he lacked." I'm pretty sure the last phrase means that Mbappé lacked those traits, not Falcao, but I think it should be made even clearer...
I don't know how to make this clear without making it redundant. I personally don't think it's unclear, but what I did to clarify things was outright remove traits which Mbappé noted he lacked. I could not find a better way to write that; saying "traits which Mbappé noted Mbappé lacked" doesn't work. Paul Vaurie (talk) 00:48, 31 August 2023 (UTC)

Also, I completely disagree with Mike Christie; Bleacher Report is a website reliable like any other. Paul Vaurie (talk) 02:22, 31 August 2023 (UTC)

@Oltrepier: I have addressed every point in the prose and grammar section. From the sourcing section, I have edited the "idols" part with inline sources, and replaced a Dzair Daily source with The Athletic. However, I don't see what makes Squawka Football, 20 Minutes, sportsmax.tv, or myKher inherently unreliable for purely factual coverage of statistics. If there was analysis, then a more thorugh investigation would be have been nice. Paul Vaurie (talk) 08:16, 31 August 2023 (UTC)

@Paul Vaurie: Thank you for acting swiftly and addressing those issues! That phrase is perfectly fine now, so no worries.

About the sources I mentioned, I just didn't know them well enough to judge them, to be honest; on the other hand, Bleacher Report received criticism for his reportedly careless approach to content creation, and I don't know how much things have changed since six years ago. Still, if you're sure they're good enough to do the job, I'm cool with it.

Anyway, I think the article is good to go now, since we should have covered all of the main concerning aspects: apart from my previous side note, I would just suggest you to stick to a maximum of two-three citations per statement, whenever it's possible, so you can focus more on the quality of the sources, rather than the quantity (I hope it makes sense...). Well done! Oltrepier (talk) 14:06, 31 August 2023 (UTC)

@Oltrepier: Thank you for the very swift review as well! I highly appreciate it. I'll take your comments into account and will try to help improve the article if I can in the future. Thanks again, all the best and happy editing! Paul Vaurie (talk) 15:32, 31 August 2023 (UTC)