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Talk:Kristina Tkach/GA1

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 12:30, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • Lead is a little short for me, perhaps one or two more sentences to cover her achievements?
I've completely reworded the lede. It needed to be much better. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need to link Russia in the opening sentence.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in 8-Ball and " shouldn't we be calling that "8-ball" or even "eight-ball"?
Fixed throughout the article. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Tkash won the 2" no need to repeat her surname so quickly, there's no confusion over who "She" would be if we used that instead of Tkash.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "won the 2016 European champion in" either "became" or "championship" there. And if the latter, be careful with capitalisation.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " a nine time " needs hyphenation.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why do I need three citations for her date of birth in the infobox?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You need to ensure that material you cover in the lead is at least re-covered in the article and (preferably) expanded, e.g. you go straight into her career without mentioning her birth date and place in the prose. Is there anything else about her early life we can find?
Working Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
There's very little - but there is enough to cover what's in the lede. Added Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:59, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After finishing third at the Russian Under 18 Championship 2008 " she must have only been nine years old! Worth a mention.
I wasn't sure if she was eight or nine, sources don't say. I've added a mention Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Under 18 Championship 2008 in Eight-ball, " usually expect to see "Under-18" hyphenated, and that "Eight" should be "eight".
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Tkach moved in 2009 to the Straight pool Moscow Under 18 City Championship final,...." runs on too much and this reads a little odd "moved in 2009 to the Straight pool..." and "Straight" doesn't need capitalisation here.
reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " in 9-ball and 10-Ball her" again, consistency in nomenclature and capitalisation throughout the article.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "first two out of a total of 20 titles" 2/20 or two/twenty.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At the ladies city championship, lost in the final" sentence is missing a "she" and is this championship a "thing", i.e. is that what it's called, because I'd expect it to be (at the least) "ladies' city championship" if not be capitalised if it's a proper title.
Reword Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "t European Youth Championships," is piped to a redirect.
Fixed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " in both the disciplines 10-ball and 9-ball." this isn't really good English at all.
Reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ditto the next sentence, almost like Yoda is talking.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "(10-ball) and Darja Sirotina (9-Ball). " Ball/ball, 10/ten, 9/nine etc etc.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in both the straight and in the 10-ball events" -> "in both the straight and 10-ball events"
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " immediately winning her first medal, finishing second at the " -> "and won her first medal by finishing..."
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She had moved into the final and was defeated " unnecessary really, just "defeated in the final by Jasmin Ouschan".
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "U18 champion" Under-18.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "all five disciplines for" I don't know what they all are...
added a note Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "quarterfinal " one word or hyphenated, be consistent across all similar instances.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "after she was eliminated in the final round in 14.1 in the first round and in the 10-ball in the quarterfinals, she reached the final of 8-ball," horrible sentence, can we re-work?
reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "winning 6–3 against Kateryna Polowyntschuk, winning" repetitive.
reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " defeating Marharyta Fjafilawa 7–3, winning her first" perhaps to avoid so many "ing ing" constructions, this (and others) could be rephrased along the lines of " defeating Marharyta Fjafilawa 7–3, to win her first"...?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " The win put Tkach as ranked number one" -> " The win made Tkach the number one-ranked player on the Euro Tour" perhaps?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " next to Darja Sirotina was t" "along with Darja Sirotina, was".
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "before losing t" -> "where she lost to".
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She won her fifth Euro Tour medal at the 2017 Portugal Open" eh? previous para talked about the very same tournament...
Typo, talking about seperate years. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As runner-up of the one-year ranking of the Euro Tour after the Portugal Open," does this really mean "After finishing second in the one-year rankings on the Euro Tour..."?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the later gold " subsequent.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "of the junior women" -> "for junior women".
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "become Junior world champion" why only capitalise the J?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "of Waterford crystal" capital C for Crystal.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "European championships in " capital C?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "with runner-up appearances in 2014 and 2016" runner-up finishes?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Atlantic continental championship Atlantic Challenge Cup" again, poor English, I would remove "Atlantic continental championship" altogether.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 15:34, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That's enough for a first pass, quite a lot of work needed on the grammar, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 12:07, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I've gone through these. Just working on an early life section.
Thanks for taking a good look at this one TRM, I appreciate this one needed some work. I think I've got through this one (ignore the ref errors, it's site wide). Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:59, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Okeydokes, I made a couple of final tweaks but this meets the GA criteria now so I'm happy to pass it. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:06, 4 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
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