Talk:Kirk McLean/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman Operation Big Bear 05:04, 4 February 2010 (UTC)
Overall this is a good article, though I did find some issues:
- The article just jumps into his hockey career with no early life information.
- Unfortunately I just couldn't find any information on his early life to contribute to the article. The first paragraph of the "Personal life" section could constitute early life information, but it wouldn't be able to stand as its own section before "Playing career".
- "McLean played major junior with the Oshawa Generals of the Ontario Hockey League (OHL)" Major junior feels rather jargony, couldn't we just say that he played junior ice hockey? Same for the first New Jersey paragraph.
- I would actually disagree with this, because there is a distinct difference between junior and major junior. Major junior is the top level of junior, as opposed to Junior A or B, etc. I think it benefits to specify. That said, however, I don't mind changing it if you still think it's an issue.
- "Leading up to the 1987–88 season, McLean was traded, along with Greg Adams and a second round choice (Leif Rohlin) in 1988," The draft itself should be spelled out.
- Done.
- "He won his first of three Molson Cups with the Canucks at the end of the season (he went on to win in 1990 and 1995, as well), having earned the most three stars selections on the team." Adding the other two wins into the appropriate chronological areas might work better.
- Done.
- Given the number of paragraphs in the Canucks section, perhaps a couple subsections could be made. Not positive on what though.*
- I had actually thought of that too, but also wasn't sure as to what the subsections could be. They're a little long but I tried "Arrival to Stanley Cup run (1987–94)" and "Post-lockout to trade (1994–97)". Alternatively, I guess the section could be divided with just the years, ie. "1987-1994", "1994–97". I thought those were good places to divide the section, given his years after the Cup run denoted his decline.
- "Then, following the 2000–01 season, in which he recorded a 3.49 GAA in 23 games, McLean announced his retirement." A rather blunt way to stop. Any quote from him upon retirement or something to add in?
- I've tried looking, but there's not so much as an article on his retirement on Google news, let alone a quote. I agree that it's blunt though, so I tried expanding that sentence, regardless.
- Ref #3 (Team McLean) is a deadlink. Hopefully an archiveurl or something can be found, if not replacement would be needed.
- Unforutnately I could not find a replacement reference. I removed the information that was specific to that reference. Luckily, the second reference in regards to his involvement in the restaurant business covers enough to keep that paragraph somewhat intact.
I'll put the article on hold and pass when everything's fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 05:04, 4 February 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks very much for the review. I've addressed the above concerns as best I could and left notes for each specific issue. I'll wait to see if there's anything else I need to do. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 08:19, 4 February 2010 (UTC)
- I still feel that some early life info is needed. It'll take a bit of digging, but I'm sure you can find information on his high school or the Don Mills Flyers, even if it's only a couple sentences. As for the "major junior note" I think writing "major junior hockey league" might help in that case on first mention. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 04:24, 5 February 2010 (UTC)
- I put together a few sentences for an early life section; hopefully that's enough. I turned "major junior" into "major junior hockey", just because I thought the full "major junior hockey league" would be overly redundant, given that "Ontario Hockey League" is mentioned in the same sentence. Thanks again for the pointers. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 02:47, 6 February 2010 (UTC)
- Alright. Looks good now, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:08, 6 February 2010 (UTC)
- I put together a few sentences for an early life section; hopefully that's enough. I turned "major junior" into "major junior hockey", just because I thought the full "major junior hockey league" would be overly redundant, given that "Ontario Hockey League" is mentioned in the same sentence. Thanks again for the pointers. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 02:47, 6 February 2010 (UTC)