Talk:Kikuuiki/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Retrohead (talk · contribs) 16:20, 7 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the review.

Lead

You've mentioned the album's position on the Oricon chart two times in the lead. I think one would be sufficient.

The first instance is actually for the single Aruku Around, but I've reworded it to make it clearer.

Most of the final recording stages.

Fixed.

Can you lose the cites in the infobox? If the genre is disputable, you can explain it in the prose.

Fixed. Actually, the album's position is only mentioned once, the first instance is for the single Aruku Around, but I've reworded it to make it clearer.

Background and development

After releasing two studio albums based in Sapporo–you probably mean the albums were recorded in Sapporo, not being released only there.

Fixed.

to write songs individually

Write implies that they had some part in the creation of the lyrics or melody, whereas Yamaguchi was asking the members to add instruments to the music. How about 'arrange'?

Writing and production

everybody in the 2010s could act as a music reviewer on their Mixi or Twitter accounts–this means the band was unsure how people would react on social media?

As in, previously, reviewers vetted by music publications were the hegemony for music criticism, but in the 2010s people were more likely to publish their own musical criticism on their individual social media accounts.

Cover artwork

Artwork is usually drawn, not produced.

Even for digitally produced works not involving a graphical element, and is effectively just paint samples in circles? Also, Ishizaka is a photographer and did not work on the design process, so I'm not sure if that's the correct word. How about 'created'?

Promotion and release

a digital download to cellphones–can you drop to cellphones, as I believe it could also be downloaded from computers.

Nope! It was released exclusively as a chaku uta full download, which could only be downloaded from pre-smart phone music stores directly to a cellphone. You could not download it to a PC.

Reception

Would it be correct to describe SoundScan Japan as another sales tracking agency?

Yes, as they track sales independently of Oricon. Is there something you'd prefer differently?

Do we have star-ratings here?

In Japan, music reviews (excluding those for Rolling Stone Japan) are pretty much universally positive; as a release wouldn't be reviewed at all if the reviewer didn't like it. If I had a star ratings box, it would be a list of the publications' names with '(favourable)' next to them, which seems a little needless to me.

success was natural–perhaps expected would be a better option

Fixed.

I see you're frequently using "preceding single". I guess you mean promotional single, as usually those are released ahead of albums.

A promotional single is a completely different type of release, like a radio exclusive single in the '90s or a song released as bonus for pre-ordering something on iTunes. I mean that it was the single released before the album. "Me ga Aku Aiiro" wasn't considered a single at all, but it was used to promote the album. --Prosperosity (talk) 04:17, 8 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Other things

I see Rock in Japan and Rising Sun Rock Festival were linked twice in the "Background and development". I've corrected it, but please check if there are other similar issues in the prose. A single term should be linked once in the lead and once in the article's body.
If the album was released on vinyl on August 5, 2015 for the first time, it should be released only.
The title in the second reference (SPECIAL INTERVIEW) shouldn't be all in capital letters.
I may do another copyediting before I pass the article, but great job overall.

Fixed! All terms are only linked once now in the main body (excluding the lead, the tracklist and the infobox). "SPECIAL INTERVIEW" was taken verbatim from the source, and there are a couple other Japanese titles of articles in the references that have odd caps. I left them how they are since I'm not sure if there are specific wiki guidelines on copy-editing titles of sources, let alone of foreign language-usages of English.

Thanks a bunch! --Prosperosity (talk) 01:46, 9 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]