Talk:Kenneth Lawson/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: A. C. Santacruz (talk · contribs) 19:39, 12 February 2022 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

Comments

• Noting here that a large majority of sources are self-published accounts by the subject of the page. I'll consider that at a later point in the review (I tend to do a deep review of prose and grammar first).
• I'll be adding {{cn}} tags where I think citations are needed.
  • Thank you for reviewing this article, A. C. Santacruz! Can you help me understand your use of citation needed tags? Do you mean that the tagged sentences are unsourced, or that they're sourced but should have their own inline citation to the source (i.e. the citation is on the next sentence and you want me to add another one)? Or something different? ezlev (user/tlk/ctrbs) 20:16, 14 February 2022 (UTC)

  The sentences need to have a source for the statements made. My expectation is that they're source but need their own inline citation. For example, information regarding his birth and mother (e.g. mental illness, prostitution) are quite serious things to say about a person and we must take special care to make sure all those sentences are cited. Hope this helps, ezlev. I'll continue the review in a few days as I'm recovering from a surgery so I can't super think straight :P A. C. Santacruz ⁂ Please ping me! 12:41, 15 February 2022 (UTC)

Lead

• Kenneth L. Lawson (born 1963) is the co-director of the Hawai'i Innocence Project and a faculty specialist at the William S. Richardson School of Law. I'd add "former attorney" here (e.g. [...] is the co-director of x, a faculty specialist at y, and a former attorney).
  • Done
• He teaches courses on subjects including criminal procedure, criminal law, and professional responsibility. I'd remove this from the lead paragraph and move it later in the lead.
  • Moved to last paragraph of lead
• I'd remove this from the lead paragraph, as I generally don't see the point in quotes for what should be a short, encyclopedic description of the subject. No comments yet on including it elsewhere in the lead.
  • Moved to last paragraph of lead

I'll add more comments on the lead after I finish reviewing the rest of the article A. C. Santacruz ⁂ Please ping me! 20:34, 12 February 2022 (UTC)

Early life and education

• The couple named him Kenneth Levon Lawson, and he grew up knowing that he had been adopted. Why is this sentence necessary?
  • Removed
• His mother Etta told him that he should be a lawyer when he grew up. Why is this sentence necessary here?
  • Removed
• He met Marva, who would become his wife, while at the school; she was a cheerleader. I'd reword this as "He met his future wife Marva at the school." Her being a cheerleader is unnecessary detail.
  • Changed
• He returned to Cincinnati and was considering joining the Air Force when he learned that he had qualified for financial aid[1] or was allowed to return on probation[3] and resumed college at Wittenberg, where Marva joined him after the birth of their first child. I'd split this sentence into two, as it is quite long and has many clauses. For example: "He returned to Cincinnati and was considering joining the Air Force when he learned that he had qualified for financial aid[1] or was allowed to return on probation[3]. Lawson then resumed college at Wittenberg and was joined by Marva after the birth of their first child."
  • Changed
• Lawson discovered that Angelo had named him Anthony Angelo. Why is this sentence necessary?
  • I mean, it's technically his birth name, but I guess it's not really relevant? Removed
• He learned that her uncle hand broken her clavicle because she was associating with a Black man, [...] What does this mean?
  • Wow, that would've been a badly written sentence even without the typo. I rewrote it – better?
• Lawson was with his biological mother when she died of cancer in 1993. Why is this sentence necessary?
  • Removed

Law practice

• His stationery at the practice had images of Rottweilers, and he occasionally wore large hoop earrings to court. Is this DUE?
  • I mean, I like the imagery of it, but... maybe not. Removed
• George Lawson was 31 when he died; Why is this necessary to know?
  • It isn't. Removed
• I've added some cn tags.
  • Addressed
• Lawson spoke to the class about his experiences, receiving a standing ovation from the students; one student reached out to the state lawyer assistance program later that day. I'd remove this.
  • Removed

Misc. comments

• The article currently overwhelmingly relies on primary sources by the subject of the article. Other sources should be sought, especially for contentious aspects of his life (such as the letter sent by the police layer) to make the article more balanced.
  • I'm not sure there are more sources out there. Removing some of the primary-sourced details is probably possible and could be another avenue toward balance, if you think that's a good idea? They might be undue anyway
    • I would support removing some of the primary source details in that case to bring it closer to balance as if secondary RS are not mentioning them often they're probably on the UNDUE side. I'll leave it to your discretion on what is least necessary to keep. Sorry for the late reply, Ezlev! Please ping me in the future to make sure I respond. A. C. Santacruz ⁂ Please ping me! 20:09, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
• Would be very nice if you could find images of him, although this is not strictly necessary for a GA.
  • I tried to get a photo from Lawson a while ago and was unsuccessful – trouble on his end with copyright requirements and the upload process. I'll double-check newspaper sources for any copyright loopholes but I think we're probably out of luck for images.
• Copyvio Toolforge indicates unlikely plagiarism.
• There needs to be sources that aren't Lawson himself stating he was employed by the law school.

Status query

A. C. Santacruz, Ezlev, where does this nomination stand? It appears that there is more of the article to review, and two edits have been made to address issues raised in the review so far. Thank you. BlueMoonset (talk) 01:51, 16 March 2022 (UTC)

BlueMoonset, mb, I forgot to follow up with more comments. I'll add them now. A. C. Santacruz ⁂ Please ping me! 16:03, 17 March 2022 (UTC)