Talk:Keith Elias/GA1
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Reviewer: KnowIG (talk) 23:48, 10 January 2011 (UTC) This is my first review but this seems a great article so I shouldn't trip myself up here.
Links The links for Keith Elias on the NFL and Ivy League sites are dead. Please either refomat them due to a website change or sadly remove them. Refs, 9, 54, 52, 55, 59, 57, 58, 56 are all links to a PDF page and have been formatted incorrectly. .pdf will fix it.
- www.ivyleaguesports.com has moved to a new host server. I will try to get to these links within the next couple of days.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:53, 11 January 2011 (UTC)
- I think I have addressed your concerns.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:32, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
Wiki Links John Randall and Special team link to disambigous pages
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:18, 11 January 2011 (UTC)
Pictures Only 2 in the whole article and none of them of Elias playing
- I can find no more. However, even no images is O.K. for WP:GA.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:09, 11 January 2011 (UTC)
- That's OK just wondering whether there was any pictures avaliable as obviously picture enhance an article. KnowIG (talk) 10:34, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
Retirement No mention of this apart from what he wanted to do after his career was over. Currently it just says placed on injury list. Did he then retire or did he fail to find another team and then retire, or did he try to make a comeback by retired because of injury?
- The text says he got released from the NFL for salary cap reasons. Then, it says he played in the XFL and ended up on injured reserve. He was not notably mentioned in primary sources as a football player after winding up on the XFL IR.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:32, 11 January 2011 (UTC)
More to come later KnowIG (talk) 00:12, 11 January 2011 (UTC)
Final Comments Right I noticed these when I first looked at it and these are my final comments. Generally below will be areas where I'm confused as it doesn't seemed to have a logical conclusion. Lead "He is the former National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Football Championship Subdivision (FCS, called I-AA at the time)" can you spell out what I-AA stands for as I know later in the article on his early career you mention it in it's abriviated form, and I know that's clear what it stands for but what does I-AA mean?
- I am not sure what it stood for. It has been renamed as noted in the text.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:34, 14 January 2011 (UTC)
Collage Career "Sophomore season (1991) Sophomore Elias debuted" I thought his name was Keith Elias what is Sophomore Elias all about?
- Sophomore removed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:31, 14 January 2011 (UTC)
And additionally what is Sophomore, does it mean debut? If it does please change to debut as more people know what that means.
"His performance was part of a surprising team exhibition in which they shut out the heavily favored Cornell Big Red 18–0" removed surprising and team exhibition and write "His performance came in a friendly match agains Cornell Big Red which Princeton won 18-0."
- A friendly match is a soccer term, not applicable for college football. Text adjusted to remove POV.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:00, 14 January 2011 (UTC)
State Princeton Tiger as I know nothing about American Football as when you throw in Tigers I have no idea who your talking about. Maybe then need to state, Played for collage side XXX.
- Princeton Tigers has been in the opening paragraph for some time. Side is not an American football term.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:02, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
"He was expected sidelined due to the injury when Princeton faced Harvard on October 24,[22] but he rushed for 155 yards and two touchdowns, leading Princeton to a 21–6 victory and a 3–0 conference record.[23]" Elias was initally rulled out when Princeton faced Havard source, but he declared himself fit and rushed 155 yards and 2 touchdowns leading his team to a 21-6 wina and a 3-0 confrence record.
- I made a minor copyedit, but "declared himself fit" is not proper here.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:33, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
"However, many of his and Marinaro's records have been surpassed. He surpassed Marinaro for career points, but was surpassed in 2005 by Nick Hartigan.[57] He tied Marinaro in career touchdowns, but was surpassed by Hartigan.[58] He surpassed Marinaro in single-season all-purpose yards in 1993 by a 1939–1932 margin but was surpassed by Johnathan Reese in 2000.[56]" repetitive. How about keep first sentence. then Elias supassed Marinaro for career points and tied with him for touchdowns, but both records were bettered by Nick Hartigan. Elias also passed Marinaro keep rest of sentence.
Elias was not expected to make the 1995 team. Why?
- Making the team is a matter of being more skilled than other people trying to play the same position in most cases.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:04, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
Wheatley as the first man off the bench to spell Hampton. What does that mean or what is it about?
- Clarified.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:13, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
Upon his return he proved able. Can be phrased a lot better.
Wikify positions team for the non American Footie fan when first used like you have with special team
- I do not understand this point. I think it may be unfamiliarity with the sport. Please give examples.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:28, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
"In November 2000, Elias attended the minicamp of the New York/New Jersey Hitmen of the XFL who were scheduled to begin play the following February. He hoped to survive roster cuts as the team went from 70 men to a 38-man roster. Meanwhile, he was preparing for life after football by writing screenplays.[120] Elias made the team as a backup running back.[121] In the early season games, he saw plenty of action as a ball carrier,[122] even though he was struggling with a knee injury.[123] However, in March, he was placed on injured reserve.[124]"
Move Meanwhile, he was preparing for life after football by writing screenplays.[120 to end of paragraph and write, Elias hasn't participated in a season since and during the season Elias prepared for life after football. This just tidies it up as it feels very open ended and now reconises that he hasn't played since and prepared for life after football.
Other than claifying the bits above. I think this is good enough for GA standards. KnowIG (talk) 10:34, 13 January 2011 (UTC) Note Unfortunatly due to a couple of idiots who didn't want to pay the bill when told I have limited internet access for a couple of days. I will look at the article on Monday. ok :) KnowIG (talk) 11:07, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
- Ok I've made one tiny adjustment to a clunky sentence. Other than that I'm happy to pass this. But as an aside can I ask whether the red links are going to be worked on if not be best to remove them. Thanks for your hard work!
- P.S., I removed one redlink at the end.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:00, 17 January 2011 (UTC)