Talk:Kamrul Ahsan

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Premature removal of maintenance tags

I've restored two maintenance tags that were removed without fixing the problems they describe. The Career section is okay, but the lead, early life and education, and personal sections still contain significant close paraphrasing of this Bangladesh government source. For example:

Source: Prior to his current assignment, he served as Bangladesh High Commissioner to Singapore where he was also the Dean of the Diplomatic and Consular Corps. He is also concurrently accredited as Bangladesh Ambassador to Argentina, Cuba, Jamaica and Venezuela.

Article: Prior to this assignment, he was the Bangladesh High Commissioner to Singapore where he was the Dean of the Singapore Diplomatic and Consular Corps. He is also concurrently accredited as Bangladesh Ambassador to Argentina, Cuba, Venezuela and Jamaica.

Adding, removing, or switching the order of a few words is insufficient to avoid violating copyright. There may be no other reasonable way to express the second sentence, but the first can and should be fixed. Will the average reader know what it means to be the dean of a diplomatic and consular corps? The term is very rarely used. Will anyone other than a diplomat care? If it's truly important information, it needs to be explained. Is his prior position (Singapore) only being mentioned at this point in the text because that's what his official biography does? There are many other things that could be said here instead, like "During his more than two decades in the diplomatic service he has been posted to Beijing, London, Washington DC, Dubai, and Singapore."

This leads into the purpose of the lead. According to Manual of Style/Lead Section, Manual of Style/Biographies, and Writing better articles the lead should concisely summarize the most important points in the body of the article. So let's see: 1) High Commissioner to Canada? - not in body of article, 2) Dean of Singapore Diplomatic and Consular Corps? - not in body of article, 3) concurrently accredited as Bangladesh Ambassador to Argentina, Cuba, Venezuela and Jamaica? - not in body of article. So the lead and body are not fulfilling their respective purposes. Worldbruce (talk) 09:39, 19 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]