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Talk:Kaminey/GA2

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GA Review

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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 01:40, 15 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]


Lead
  • While not including the movie's ending here, there should be some detail on the premise for what occurs during the movie's timespan adjusted myself
Plot
  • Excluding currency equivalents and cast members in parentheses, the plot is currently 726 words. WP:FILMPLOT says plot summaries should be 400–700 words long. Now it is at 713 words. Needs to be between 400 and 700 per WP:FILMPLOT. Looks good now
Cast
  • These need to be sourced. Also, the description "with political ambition" is vague and doesn't read very well. It should be noted, however, that commentary/descriptions are not a requirement here though may be included if desired.
Removed those descriptions and provided a source for the cast.—Prashant 10:42, 19 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Production
Development
  • It would help to mention when the scriptwriting workshop that Mira Nair held took place, particularly since there's a "Three years later" bit.
The 2009 source says "Four years ago". So 2005 should be right. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kaminey is not arty"..... doesn't seem very encyclopedic
 Done quoted the word. But I don't know why Prashant does not often put peacock/POV terms within quotes. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "terming it 'odd'"..... I'd use either deeming it or describing it as
 Done I chose "deem". Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Characters
  • In the image caption, it would help to specify who is who
  • "Chopra described her character Sweety as 'feisty and vivacious", like herself in real life"..... "like herself in real life" is not neutral in this case, so remove that bit.
  • "Chopra found similarities between her character and herself; both are outspoken, fun loving and honest, and cannot hide something that is wrong"..... more neutrality concerns with "fun loving and honest", not too sure about "hid[ing] something that is wrong"
What is wrong with this? I don't see any issue. It means the truth, which she cannot hide.—Prashant 11:11, 19 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Because in a way, it looked like self-promotion at first. I've made it more neutral. Snuggums (talk / edits) 04:19, 20 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "found it a big challenge" → "found it challenging"
  • "which being a Punjabi she found it difficult"..... reads awkwardly
Chopra is Punjabi and her character was Maharastrian. So, she found it difficult. It (current version) reads good though.—Prashant 11:11, 19 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Filming
  • "Kapoor and Chopra had a minor accident"..... don't beat around the bush, just saw Chopra received minor injuries
Themes and influences
  • I don't see the need for an image of Quentin Tarantino as he wasn't involved in this film's creation at all
 Done removed. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the heroine is Sita, the hero is Rama, and the villain is Ravana"..... I'm concerned with the tone/bias of "heroine", "hero", and "villian", it would be better to use "protagonist" and "antagonist"
 Done as asked. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rediff.com" should not be in italics Fixed myself
  • "who are considered aces of this genre"..... not the best tone, and I can't think of a good way to phrase this without inserting POV, so this is best removed
 Done removed. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The soundtrack album was very successful commercially after its release, especially 'Dhan Te Nan', which topped the charts across various platforms"..... remove "very", and I'd give names of these "platforms"
 Done removed "very". Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Marketing and release
  • "The Indian television premiere of the film was on Colors on 18 February 2010" needs a citaiton
I found this source, in which it says the "Zee Rishtey Awards 2010" was telecast on February 28, and the source also mentions "it was also the World Television Premiere of Kaminey". Kailash29792 (talk) 08:13, 19 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, that source is enough to prove the text.—Prashant 11:17, 19 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Critical reception
  • "On opening" → "Upon release"
Removed. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the highest ever from that publication" is completely unnecessary
 Done removed.
Box office
  • "excellent response", "good collections", "was very strong", "opened very well", "opened well" are not neutral descriptions
  • "where Mumbai and Pune are major markets for films" is unneeded and unencyclopedic
Removed. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:34, 18 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]
References
Overall
  • Well-written?: Needs some copyediting and MoS fixing
  • Verifiable?: some information is missing citations and dead links should be fixed/replaced
  • Broad in coverage?: Very detailed
  • Neutral?: Not quite
  • Stable?: There hasn't been edited very much in recent months, and this was nominated in May, so no concerns here
  • Illustrated, if possible, by images?: No problems with licensing, but there is one irrelevant picture used and a caption needs tweaking
  • Pass or Fail?: I'm going to place this on hold for seven days. This does need work, but I don't think the concerns are too extensive.
  • Kailash29792 thanks again for taking this on. I've adjusted some bits myself and this is looking quite good. For the points you haven't responded to, my only concerns left now are the ones not crossed out. If Prashant! comes around, he is also welcome to fix this up. Deadline is November 22nd.

Sorry for showing up late as I was quite bust lately. I will replace all the dead links ASAP. Thanks.—Prashant 11:21, 19 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

As a token of appreciation, I hope to get a barnstar. Thanks again. Ssven2 (talk) 07:53, 20 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank You for the Pass SNUGGUMS.—Prashant 08:34, 20 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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