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Talk:Kamal Abbas

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Sources

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I've expanded the article with all google and google books sources I could find. I have also used the google news search between results pages 5-10. Further expansion could involve the first 4 pages of google news results. Ocaasi t | c 02:02, 11 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

All sources checked/incorporated. Ocaasi t | c 14:43, 14 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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See commons:Commons:Featured picture candidates/File:Kamal Abbas.jpg -- The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 18:31, 16 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Cleanup

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  • ref 3 to end of sentence and ref to end of sentence with ref 4 or cut refs from the lead
  • add la times quotes from lead in the body and/or move la times out of lead?
  • cut large body quote
  • 2011 march is out of order
  • more story less choppy dates
  • Mubarak's regime -- Mubarak's regime
  • "2011 Egyptian revolution" is mentioned in both the first sentence of the lede, and the last; probably it's not *so* critical it isn't needed in the first. "Involved in activism for over 20 years" is great in the a) part. But the more specific "support during the Egyptian revolution of 2011" should probably be in part b) of the lede, in Chrono order
  • persondata fill in and move to footer
  • There's some double-spaces; search for " " to fix them.
  • In September of 2007 Abbas and another writer - should be In September 2007
  • There shouldn't be a blank line at the start of sections
  • -reduce excess quotes, and try to improve prose/flow,
  • -after doing that, try to make the lede a better summary of the whole thing - starting with the key essence of WHAT it's about, without too much detail - and then a very brief (few sentences) of the key events in his career, in chrono order
  • put in queue for peer review
  • more background bio section, born, family, school, marriage
  • find birth date/year, check ref, ask him to put his birthdate on website
  • add illustrations related to the text
  • American workers who were on strike in Wisconsin

Thanks Chzz! Ocaasi t | c 19:32, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Removed from DYK queue

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Hi there, just a notice that I removed this article from the DYK queue. I was double-checking the sourcing of the hook when I noticed that the article's phrasing ("He was also fired for participating in an “illegal” strike that had no support from the official trade union") is a bit too close to the source's phrasing ("Abbas was fired for participating in an “illegal” strike that had no support from the official trade union"). I would suggest this article be checked closely for any other inadvertent overly-close paraphrasing that might have snuck in. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:36, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for amending that specific sentence; however, further review and amendment is needed here. For example, you have "Ibrahim filed filed three petitions against Abbas in his capacity as CTUWS coordinator, claiming that the Kalam Sinai'ia article "publicly defamed him as a state-appointed civil servant"." in the article vs "Ibrahim filed three petitions against Abbas in his capacity as CTUWS coordinator, claiming that the Kalam Sinai'ia article "publicly defamed him as a state-appointed civil servant"." Having the direct quote in there is fine, but paraphrasing is needed (and please keep in mind that this is an example only). Nikkimaria (talk) 04:26, 28 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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Hi. I was asked to glance at this to see if I could help clarify copyright concerns. The first thing I see is the extensive quotations--especially that block quote--which are definitely an issue under WP:NFC. Wikipedians are permitted to use brief quotations of copyrighted content, but generally must put material into their own words through proper paraphrase. The block quote alone is 487 words out of a total of 2,625: approaching 20%. In the most restrictive case of copyvio involving direct quotes that I know, Harper & Row v. Nation Enterprises 300 to 400 words out of a 500 page book were found to be too extensive. There were other factors there that made them especially rigorous, but it does rather demonstrate the problem with quotes of this length.

As a first step, I would recommend carefully evaluating and trimming all quotations to what is essential, replacing the rest with paraphrase. I'll look at other concerns a bit later, but am out of time right now. :) --Moonriddengirl (talk) 14:23, 20 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I've removed the worst quote, as it is really much too extensive for us to retain, pending recommended handling.
Out of time or no, I did choose a random phrase in the article to google, and I find the Daily Star saying:

The two were convicted of defamation and public abuse after writer Mohamed Helmy published an article on corruption at the 15th of May Youth Center, where he was a member of the board. The story was published in Kalam Sanay’iya, a magazine published by the CTUWS.

Our article says:

In September 2007 Abbas and another writer were convicted of defamation and public abuse after writer Mohamed Helmy published an article on corruption at the 15th of May Youth Center, where Abbas was a member of the board. The story was published in Kalam Sanay'iya, a magazine published by the CTUWS.

I've bolded duplicated content to make the problem more clear. Wikipedia's copyright policy requires that, except for brief quotations, information we take from copyrighted sources be written from scratch. I'd recommend a read through Wikipedia:Copy-paste and Wikipedia:Close paraphrasing. This material needs to be rewritten, along with any other content copied or closely following that story. Again, I'll try to look for more later. --Moonriddengirl (talk) 14:39, 20 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Close paraphrasing

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I have received some criticism that articles I recently wrote were too closely paraphrased from reliable sources. I am tagging the page so others can review the text and we can work on improving any instances of close paraphrasing. Ocaasi t | c 14:10, 28 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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