Talk:Junker Queen/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 14:06, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comments shall follow soon. ♦ jaguar 14:06, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"developed first-person shooter Designed by Arnold Tsang" - missing full stop!
"whose writers used her as an example of a character with an outfit that empowered rather than objectified her" - this second use is redundant
"while some players noted she did not visually fit the role they had assigned her in the game as a "Tank" character" - this could be condensed to {{xt|while some players noted she did not visually fit the role of an in-game "Tank" character", but I'll leave it to you. Also does 'tank' need to be capitalised?
"instead appearing too narrow and too similar in terms of silhouette to other characters in the title." - I'd remove these phrases to cull repetition

Body

"as her voice voice lines can be heard over a PA system on the map and she is seen on various posters that decorate it" - this would flow better if split into two sentences ("...on the map. She is also seen on various posters...")
"she is the ruler "Junkertown"" - ruler of
"While she was depicted with a large axe early on and they initially considered it being her primary weapon, they decided on a projectile weapon instead after reflecting on the issues that arouse with previous attempts at melee-focused characters" - who are 'they'? Should this be in the design section?
"Jeff Kaplan in turn referenced people's requests for a player version" - 'playable' version?
"Player's meanwhile complained" - unnecessary apostrophe

I think that's it. Only some minor prose points, but other than that the article is solid. I'll leave this on hold and will no doubt pass it once those minor issues are out of the way. ♦ jaguar 14:38, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Jaguar: I think I got everything. Tried to rework that last sentence of the lead to be a bit smoother.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 20:39, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, let's get this done and dusted.

♦ jaguar 20:45, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]