Talk:Jump (Kylie Minogue song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 09:52, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I'm Calvin999 and I am reviewing this article.

Review

Alphabetize the genres in the Info box
Alphabetize the record labels, too
taken from her sixth → included on her sixth
the song was included as the ninth track on the album, → Irrelevant
which was released on 1 November 1997. → You've already said that the album was released in 1997
was "weak" in → If you're going to quote in the lead, then it needs to be cited.
compared to other songs → On the album?
"Jump" and another Impossible Princess track "Through the Years" have never been performed on any of Minogue's tours or have been promoted in any live television castings. → Irrelevant
Kylie Minogue's track → Not needed
The entire Background section has nothing to do with "Jump" in the slightest and can be erased. Background means background of the song (writing process, interviews with the singer or writers or producers on how it was made, etc.)
Lyrics were → The lyrics were
"too personal." → Full stop goes inside the quotation marks if it is a full sentence, otherwise it goes outside.
The info box says it is an Adult contemporary and trip hop song, the lead says it is a trip hop track, and the Composition section says it is trip hop inspired. So which is it? The source you've provided at the end of "Produced by Rob Dougan and Jay Burnett, "Jump" is an trip hop-inspired pop ballad song." is just a citation for the booklet. Being inspired by trip hop doesn't make it a trip hop song, and I can't see adult contemporary written anywhere. Can you please provide me with the sources for the genres.
"Minogue's boyfriend Stephane Sednaoui was a fan of Dougan's song "Clubbed to Death", and played it most of the time when Minogue was home. One day, she was talking to Sednaoui on how much she enjoyed the track and he said he personally knew Dougan and offered to introduce Dougan to her.[18] "Jump" was recorded in London, England at Mayfair Studios.[17]" → This is more Background material.
also using Impossible Princess track → Using?
"John Magnan from The Age labelled it a "moody trip hop" track." → Ah, we have a critic calling it a trip hop song, so "inspired" above should be removed.
Cancelled single release should be the Background section, along with the section of Composition I picked put above.
To date, "Jump" and another Impossible Princess track "Through the Years" are the only songs of the album that has never been performed live. Her Intimate and Live tour played many tracks from Impossible Princess and was released in November 1998 as a CD and DVD. → Completely irrelevant. If it never happened, then no need to talk about it.
I don't really see the point of having a Song credits subsection within the Personnel section when it's so tiny? Just include the people involved without having a titled subsection.
References don't need a publisher parameter anymore
Ref 9, Official Charts should be linked
Ref 23 and 24, same magazine but you've written them different, and it Who should be in italics.

Summary

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Outcome

Needs some work to be honest. On hold for 7 days. — Calvin999 08:38, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Calvin999: Done. I've finished majority of the adjustments (see comments below), grammar fixes, re-arrangements, re-wording, etc

Comments Regarding your comment "Alphabetize the genres in the Info box" and "Alphabetize the record labels, too", could you please define that a bit more? Sorry, I'm not familiar with it. Another comment regards the "Trip-hop" misconduct. I did word that wrong unfortunately, and I have changed it saying that it is strictly a trip-hop song (references by booklet, The Age and Slant Magazine.) And the final comment is the Who and Who Weekly magazine citation. I changed the work to Who Magazine for both citations but they are both different reviews from two different unknown journalists. Source is provided in the first reference. Please comment back to me if there is anything wrong. Thank you for your time :) GirlsAlouud (talk · contribs} 09:53, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Well if there is only one genre now then you don't need to put them in alphabetical order (A, B, C etc.) but the records labels should be alphabetical, so put BMG first, then Deconstruction. There are different issues in the references now:

Ref 6: Title should not be in italics
Ref 8: Link Slant Magazine
If the critic is unknown, then leave it blank, don't write "Unknown"
Ref 10: Who should be in italics
For refs 9, 10 and 11, how comes there are no links to the website or review?
Refs 15, 16 and 18, Allmusic should not be in italics, and there's no need to include Rovi Corporation anymore. — Calvin999 10:03, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Calvin999: Done. Regarding your comment about the absent of links to the review, there is no source of the website itself online. However, there is a website here that re-directs what is said in the review (archive script of the reviews). I added the reference and the citation of Who magazine reference next to each other. Other than that, everything has been adjusted. Please comment back to me if there is anything wrong. Thank you for your time :) GirlsAlouud (talk · contribs} 05:37, 10 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Passing — Calvin999 07:48, 10 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Pass or Fail: