Talk:Juan Galván

Close paraphrasing

This article, while not a direct copy of the copyrighted [1], paraphrses it much too closely, following bot hthe structure and order too frequently.

Examples:

• Original: "recommended the establishment of a presidio with fifty soldiers."
• Article: "recommending the built the establishment of a presidio of fifty soldiers."

• Original: "In June 1749 Galván returned to Bexar to testify before Governor Pedro del Barrio Junco y Espriellaqv as to the suitability of the San Xavier (San Gabriel) valley for settlement."
• Article: "In June 1749 he returned to Bexar to try to make with Governor Pedro del Barrio Junco y Espriella a solution to the valley of San Xavier (San Gabriel)."

• Original: "In June 1753 he received orders from the viceroy to explore Apache country."
• Article: "In June 1753 he received orders from the viceroy to explore Apache territory."

• Original: "Galván reported to the viceroy that there were strong indications of rich minerals and that he expected numerous Apaches would come to a mission"
• Article: "Galvan informed the viceroy that had strong signs of rich minerals and that he hoped that many Apaches arrived on a mission"

A thorough rewrite of the article is needed. Fram (talk) 14:52, 29 March 2013 (UTC)