Talk:Joseph Sonnabend/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 12:29, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'll take this one. Will leave some initial comments within a day or two and will focus mainly on prose issues. Thanks! ☯ Jaguar ☯ 12:29, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Initial comments

The lead could be expanded a bit to better summarise the article. Although not essential to the article, but is there any information on his personal life? Was he married etc? Not essential, but anything would be good to expand the lead. At least another paragraph could be added to the lead
- Done I've expanded this some; please let me know if you think there's anything specific missing here. There's not much about his personal life that I could find beyond that he fathered a couple of children, which I mentioned in Background; I'm not sure it's significant enough for the lead, though. — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thanks, and that's ok, I understand if there's nothing on his personal life as they aren't essential to GA BLPs! This is looking good ☯ Jaguar ☯ 16:38, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Not essential at all, but is there nothing on his earlier life in the Background section?
- ✗ Not done I've just looked through the 43 results for "joseph sonnabend" "early life" and I'm not finding anything, I'm afraid. — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"His sister is Yolanda Sonnabend, the world-renowned theatre designer" - can this be backed up by a reference? She is world-renowned?
- Done Added a reference from her own article (Yolanda Sonnabend) — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"This concern led him to found the PWA Health Group with Michael Callen and Thomas Hannan in 1986" - should Thomas Hannan be red linked if he is notable enough?
- Done I've created a stub biography at Thomas Hannan (activist) — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thanks! ☯ Jaguar ☯ 16:38, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"In 2000, the PWA Health Group merged with DAAIR, Direct Aids Alternative Information Resources" - this should be the other way around, In 2000, the PWA Health Group merged with the Direct Aids Alternative Information Resources (DAAIR)
- Done I'd consider "merge" to be commutative, so A merged with B would be the same as B merged with A; I only put it this way round because the prose flowed better. That said, I've reworded it — do you think that wording works better without becoming awkward? :o) — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - That's fine, I think whatever best works for you, I just thought that sometimes the initials look better at the end of the sentence but I guess the flow of the prose matters more ☯ Jaguar ☯ 16:38, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"In 2000, he was recognised as an inaugural" - does this article use American or British spelling? According to WP:ENGVAR an article should have only one use
- ✗ Not done The article is labelled with Template:Use South African English, as Sonnabend is South African (and has lived in both New York and London, so the choice between those two variants would be difficult). The only use of American English that I can see is in the names of organisations (eg Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Is there anywhere you noticed using specifically US English spellings? (My native dialect is British English.) — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - I see, sorry I think I got confused with another article, I thought I saw some American English instances in this article but forgot to realise that this should be in South African English. My native dialect is Irish-British English too, and I think they're identical to South African English ☯ Jaguar ☯ 16:38, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

References

Ref 3 is dead
Ref 19 and ref 17 are also dead, all of these should be replaced to avoid a ref blackout
- Done For some reason all three of these should be www.virusmyth.com not www.virusmyth.net; I've corrected these and added Internet Archive links to the citations (with |deadurl=no), so they can't go stale. — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

I think the real concern here is the lead section, in order for it to meet the GA criteria I would say that at least another paragraph could be added (easily done by shifting content around the article). Also a few dead refs in this article. I'll put this on hold for the standard seven days and if all of the above are addressed, this could pass. Thanks! ☯ Jaguar ☯ 12:40, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your detailed and constructive criticism; that was really helpful. I've addressed each of your points inline above. As you can see, I've left two wholly untackled: expanding Sonnabend's early life and your comment regarding WP:ENGVAR. Please do ping me with any further comments and I'll see what I can do. Having glanced at your User: page, I'm impressed at the number of GARs you've worked on; that's some dedication, dude! :o) — OwenBlacker (Talk) 15:32, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Close - promoted

@OwenBlacker:, thank you for your detailed responses! It really has improved the article now, and am happy to say that this should now meet the GA criteria. The personal life and ENGVAR is fine, those two issues would typically leave a GAN unaffected. Thanks for the compliment too, I'm currently participating in the GA Cup, and am in the semi finales so I have to take a few more GANs under my wing now. Anyway well done on making this a GA ☯ Jaguar ☯ 16:38, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome. Thanks, Jaguar. Good luck in the Cup! — OwenBlacker (Talk) 19:01, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]