Talk:Jon Huntsman 2012 presidential campaign/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 02:47, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I think in the lede, you should mention why his campaign ended.
Any reason for abbr of "the Wall St. Journal"?
Why was there speculation for a Hunstman run in 2009? Is it usual for such speculation to occur two or three years before his candidacy? Did the speculation cause him to run? Or did he float the idea out there years beforehand?
"On May 3, 2011, after having left his post as Ambassador and having returned to the United States" - could probably trim that down by changing "having returned" to "returning" to avoid two "having"s
Most of "Career" deals with activity before his declared candidacy. Should the title be changed to reflect that? His Newsweek interview isn't really "career", but more pre-campaign stuff.
"On May 18, 2011, Huntsman opened his 2012 national campaign headquarters in Orlando, Florida." - source?
Also, most of "career", after the first paragraph, is in 2011, so I don't think you have to repeat "2011" so many times.
"Huntsman has been described as"... - who described him as that?
"On foreign policy, Huntsman has repeatedly stated: "We need to continue working closely with China to convince North Korea to abandon its nuclear weapons program." He has also named Taiwan, human rights, and Tibet among the "areas where we have differences with China" and vowed "robust engagement" on human rights." - this is unsourced.
"Huntsman announced his campaign on June 21, 2011 in Liberty State Park with the Statue of Liberty was visibly behind Huntsman while delivering his announcement speech." - the grammar isn't the best here. I'd suggest a comma after "Park", remove the "was", and change "visibly" to "visible". But your call.
"Referring to Reagan's announcement, Huntsman remarked in his own speech, "He assured us we could 'make America great again,' and under his leadership we did. I stand in his shadow as well as the shadow of this magnificent monument to our liberty." - this is unsourced.
Where did his ads air, before his announcement?
"Aides reportedly scrambled in an effort to cease the distribution of the misspelled passes." - this is unsourced.
"In early September, Huntsman began shifting campaign resources from Florida to New Hampshire[45] by moving staffers to New Hampshire, giving the Huntsman campaign the largest operational staff in New Hampshire at the time. " - can you avoid saying "New Hampshire" three times in one sentence? :P
"Elion was replaced by Sarah Crawford Stewart, who had served as state-director of Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty's New Hampshire campaign before he suspended his bid after the Ames Straw Poll." - again, source
Watch for overlinking. I notice Romney is linked three times in the body of the article, and Ron Paul four times.
For the Iowa section, maybe say the exact number of votes, next to the percentage?
I think you should mention somewhere the number of states that Huntsman had ballot access on. If my math is correct, about half of his overall votes occurred after he dropped out, thus finishing in 5th (ahead of Perry and Bachmann). Something that should be researched, IMO.

All in all, a decent article. The sourcing is the biggest problem right now. It'll be on hold for seven days. Feel free to ask if you have any questions. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 02:47, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've fixed every major point, the only things I didn't ad are where his first ads aired (I wasn't able to find out), and his ballot access, as I don't believe it's that important to the article. Thanks, let me know if there are any more improvements I can make. Grammarxxx ^{(What'd I do this time?)} 06:48, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

What about the speculation before 2011? Was he talking to donors about a possible run, or was his run influenced by people wanting him to run? Also, I think it should be mentioned somewhere that his ambassadorship, picked by Obama, was seen as a negative for Huntsman. Just looking at the article further, there isn't a strong reason why he didn't win, except for low polling, so it'd be good to see a bit about why his polls were so low. I remember that being a problem for him in the primary debates. That's no big deal about the ads before the announcement. I still think his ballot access is an important part of the article, since that is the most important thing a campaign does that the candidate doesn't personally do, and this article is about the campaign, after all. Remember, for example, that in Virginia's primary last year, only Paul and Romney had ballot access, which prevented Santorum or Gingrich from getting delegates there. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:56, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

As for the speculation, I can't really say what made him jump in, that's between him I guess. I've added the info on how his ambassadorship hurt him and his ballot access and final placing. Grammarxxx ^{(What'd I do this time?)} 02:20, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine about the speculation. Thanks for adding the bit about the ballot access and placing, but is there any chance that can be sourced? I'm assuming you got it from Wikipedia, so maybe make a note that links it to the results page? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 02:57, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I added a source detailing his amount of votes and from where, and I wikilinked to the result page. Grammarxxx ^{(What'd I do this time?)} 18:50, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome, thanks so much for doing all of this. I'm happy to pass now. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:51, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]