Talk:John Van Antwerp MacMurray/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum (talk · contribs) 13:54, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Detailed comments to follow over the next day or so. Malleus Fatuorum 13:54, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I look forward to hearing your thoughts, and will try to address any problems in a timely way. Also, thanks for the copyediting, etc.[1]. Homunculus (duihua) 17:38, 1 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'm pretty much done with looking through the article, and I think it pretty much meets the GA criteria. I'll make a few suggestions for improvement later, but nothing I've found so far will affect the outcome of the review. Malleus Fatuorum 17:43, 1 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Career

"Although he had been admitted to the New York Bar, MacMurray also sought out a career in government." Joining the bar isn't a career.

"MacMurray briefly served as Assistant Secretary of State from 1924 to 1925, but was soon given as post as Minister to China ...".

I think I've resolved these issues[2]. Will take care of the citation style in the next day or so. Oh, and do feel free to give me an example of what you mean about a separate bibliography. Homunculus (duihua) 22:32, 1 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

References

I'm not at all enamoured of the way you've presented the references. For instance, why do refs #5, 13, 14 and 15 have a "[" before the url? And why are Google links given rather than a full reference to the actual book? Google links are transient things, but with an ISBN anyone can track down the source. I'd suggest that rather than keep repeating the details for a source such as How the Peace was Lost you consider splitting off a Bibliography section that sources the specific pages you're relying on. If you're not sure what I mean I'll do one or two to give you an idea.

I've cleaned up the references some, but stopped short of splitting out a bibliography. Added ISBN numbers, removed the extraneous [ s, and gave abbreviated citations for How the Peace was Lost after the first appearance. Let me know if that's sufficient. Homunculus (duihua) 03:36, 2 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

It is sufficient for GA, yes. I've split one book out to show you what I'm talking about, but I leave it to you to decide whether to revert or to transfer the others. Malleus Fatuorum 13:08, 2 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.