Talk:John Tzelepes Komnenos/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Gog the Mild (talk · contribs) 12:26, 6 May 2019 (UTC)
- "was the son of the sebastokrator Isaac Komnenos" Optional but recommended: could we have a bracketed translation/explanation of "sebastokrator". Also at first mention under "Life".
Actually, I don't think that the first sentence does what it is supposed to for a reader. Maybe something like 'was a scion of the Byzantine imperial royal family and the son of the sebastokrator Isaac Komnenos'?
- You are right, the title by itself is not enough; added his grandfather to make the context clear. Sebastokrator does not really have an explanation, it is an honorific without actual meaning (there is a literal translation, "revered ruler" or something like that, but that does not help the reader much).
- This may be one of those areas that thee and me disagree on, but I am not happy with including phraseology which we both agree a reader will not understand. It is not a deal breaker at GAN, but if it were me I would write something like 'was the son of the Isaac Komnenos, nephew of Byzantine emperor John II Komnenos and grandson of emperor Alexios I Komnenos.' I think that a reader would assume appropriate fancy titles in the appropriate language; or you could footnote it.
- Hmmm, well, the title is important; it would be like neglecting to mention that Prince Harry is a prince. I don't think it should matter whether it is well known or not, that is the purpose of reading an encyclopedia and providing a link to it after all ;).
- Your point of view is entirely reasonable, and the fact that I have a different preference doesn't prevent me from seeing that. As I said, it is not a deal breaker at GAN. I wanted you to have a relook at how it was worded; you have and are happy. Fair enough.
- "his uncle, Emperor John II Komnenos" -> 'his uncle, Byzantine Emperor John II Komnenos'?
- Now I've added Alexios I earlier, it should be clear.
- "a younger son of Emperor Alexios I Komnenos" -> 'a younger son of the Byzantine Emperor Alexios I Komnenos'?
- Fixed.
- "set his sight" -> 'set his sights'.
- Fixed.
- "pointed his arms to the rear" Genuine question, what does this mean?
- Yes, that is awkward. It is supposed to mean that he shouldered his lance or something like that (in modern terms, slung back his rifle). The primary account literally says "he tied his arms [poiting] to the back". I don't know how to write this better.
- I would suggest deleting it; it seems trivial information and as it stands is more likely to confuse than inform a reader.
- Fair enough, especially if it confuses even me trying to write about it...
- "received by Mehmed, who knew him from his previous exile, and readily divulged the information he was privy to" This sounds as if Mehmed is divulging the information.
- Fixed.
- "this act saved Neocaesarea from falling, as the emperor was left with no choice but to withdraw." This seems a bit vague and hand wavey. Is there any more information?
- Added some details about these weaknesses, and a "probably" to the "saved Neocaesarea".
- That's better, IMO. I have made three small changes. Feel free to revert if you don't like them.
- They look good, thanks.
- "He received many lands and wealth" -> 'He received many lands and much wealth'.
- Fixed.
Hi Constantine. That is all for a first run through. I will have another look in a couple of days. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:26, 6 May 2019 (UTC)
- Hi Gog the Mild, thanks for taking the time. I've answered/fixed a sbest I could. Looking forward to your follow-up. Constantine ✍ 09:06, 8 May 2019 (UTC)
- Looks good. Just a couple of things for your consideration.
- Gog the Mild (talk) 14:48, 8 May 2019 (UTC)
- Thanks again Gog the Mild, please have another look. Cheers, Constantine ✍ 08:53, 10 May 2019 (UTC)
- No problem. Another article which it is a joy to assess. Well up to GA and I am happy to so promote it. Gog the Mild (talk) 09:26, 10 May 2019 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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