Talk:John Littlejohn (preacher)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: MaranoFan (talk · contribs) 21:03, 21 November 2023 (UTC)

Review soon! I also have one nominated here if you are interested.--NØ 21:03, 21 November 2023 (UTC)

• AGF on sourcing, and a spotcheck is not included in the review.
• Russellville, Kentucky does not strike me as an extremely well-known place so I think you should do a wikilink in the infobox.
• Occupations should be separated using asterisks, not commas. See Taylor Swift for example.
• I would suggest commas after location mid-sentence, e.g.
  • "who served as sheriff of Loudoun County, Virginia, during the War of 1812"
  • "He retired to Logan County, in southern Kentucky, before dying in 1836."
• "Settling after several years in Leesburg, Virginia, serving as a local preacher for several decades, as well as variously as a land agent, tax collector, and county sheriff." - This is not a complete sentence. I would suggest "After several years in Leesburg, Virginia, he served as a local preacher for several decades, as well as variously as a land agent, tax collector, and county sheriff." unless it changes the meaning.
• I would also suggest commas after dates, e.g.
  • "John Littlejohn was born on December 7, 1756, to a well-to-do family in Penrith, an English town within the county of Cumberland."
• "Within a year, he ran away from London, walking 284 miles back to his mother's home in Penrith."
• "In 1769, his family followed him to the colonies" - Which colonies? Do you mean the Thirteen Colonies mentioned in the lead? That should be included again here since the article body is treated differently from the lead.
• "then to Norfolk, Virginia to apprentice for a harnessmaker" - Similarly to above suggestions, I would suggest a comma after Virginia here.
• "In Annapolis he began regular Church attendance, but had difficulties with Selby, who boarded other tradesmen and collected fines on the breaching of household rules to supply alcohol for frolics." - Replace with "In Annapolis, he began regular church attendance but had difficulties with Selby, who boarded other tradesmen and collected fines for breaching household rules to supply alcohol for frolics."
• "Moving in December 1773 to Alexandria, Virginia, where the seventeen year old Littlejohn was appointed foreman and manager, began attending regular Methodist preaching with his bosses' family, despite ridicule from a Catholic coworker." - Replace with "Moving in December 1773 to Alexandria, Virginia, where the seventeen-year-old Littlejohn was appointed foreman and manager, he began attending regular Methodist preaching with his boss's family, despite ridicule from a Catholic coworker."
• "Sigman's preaching especially affected Littlejohn, writing "His words got to my heart as never any did before, tears gushed from my eyes as voluntary as the water from a fountain." - Replace with "Sigman's preaching especially affected Littlejohn, writing, "His words got to my heart as never any did before; tears gushed from my eyes as voluntary as the water from a fountain."
• There seem to be comma issues in several places. I would recommend reading WP:CinS as that helped me out a lot with this.
• "He ultimately continued in his duties, with Rev. William Watters appointing him as a class leader" - While it is fairly obvious this stands for "reverend", you could maybe use the full form to make sure all readers can understand this.
• "Littlejohn left Virginia in 1777, returning to Maryland." - Suggest simpler sentence structure: "Littlejohn left Virginia in 1777 to return to Maryland."
• "John and Monica Littlejohn married in December 1778" - I would maybe avoid using Littlejohn as Monica's surname in this particular sentence, assuming she had not taken it until after the marriage happened.
• "John Littlejohn died at his home in Logan County on May 13th, 1836, possibly of cholera, and was buried in Russellville at the same graveyard as his son and wife." - I think you can remove "th" and keep just "May 13, 1836".

That's all! Props to you for writing a biography about someone who died in 1836. I shy away from working on biographies even about currently active people, lol. This is  On hold. Best, NØ 20:57, 22 November 2023 (UTC)

@MaranoFan Thank you so much for your review! Made changes as per review. :3 Generalissima (talk) 10:29, 23 November 2023 (UTC)

Thank you for addressing these points. I'll read through the article and try to correct any more comma stuff I can find myself.--NØ 19:05, 23 November 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.