Talk:John Johnson (footballer)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:29, 6 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead is a little short for me, you seem to have summarised the article well but perhaps a little too well. Done

Yes, I have expanded. You have also edited it. RRD13 (talk) 13:52, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure that a non-expert would get the link between Northampton Town and "The Cobblers", so would avoid nicknames, especially in the lead. Done

Written Northampton Town instead of The Cobblers. RRD13 (talk) 13:52, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"of Middlesbrough youth academy" of the Middlesbrough youth academy. Done

"Born in Middlesbrough, North Yorkshire, Johnson is a product of the Middlesbrough academy which he joined in 2005.[1][2]" RRD13 (talk) 13:52, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Bengaluru FC is overlinked in the lead. Done

Removed overlink. RRD13 (talk) 13:52, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"former teammate" might be worth noting which team. Done

"managed by his former Northampton Town teammate Ashley Westwood." RRD13 (talk) 13:52, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

" Middlesbrough,North Yorkshire," space. Done

Mentioned above only. RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

product of Middlesbrough - see previous comment. Done

Mentioned above.RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"a home 5–0 defeat " -> "a 5–0 home defeat " is normally how we'd phrase it. Done

"in a 5–0 home defeat to Chelsea" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Could link "own goal". Done
"a few weeks later" bit vague. Done

"on 3 October 2009, scored the first goal of his professional career," RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"his stay,on 24 December," space needed, and it's unclear, did he extend his stay on 24th or score on 24th? Done;the second.

He scored on 24th. RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

" about three weeks earlier" vague again. Done

" 26 December 2011, Johnson received a straight red card " RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"on a two-year contract" put this after the "signed" instead of "on a permanent basis". Done

"Northampton signed Johnson on a two-year contract in July 2010 following the successful loan spell" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

" meaning he was given a" -> "resulting in a " Done

"resulting in a one-match ban" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"captained the club but stripped following the arrival of Clarke Carlisle last season" all a bit muddled, reword please. Done

" He have previously captained the club but was stripped off of the post following the arrival of Clarke Carlisle last season,[17] after he took the captaincy in a friendly match against Nottingham Forest.[18]" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Link "friendly match" appropriately. Done

friendly match RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Eventually, the..." no need for eventually. Done

"The club won the appeal" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"overturned the decision,therefore making him " space after commas please. Done

"decision, therefore making". RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Johnson signed a new one-year contract with Northampton as his contract was due to expire in the summer, keeping him until 2013" -> "As his contract was due to expire in the summer, Johnson signed a one-year extension with Northampton." Done

"As his contract was due to expire in the summer, Johnson signed a one-year extension with Northampton keeping him with the club until 2013 on 16 May 2012" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"resulting the club in the play-offs" missing something here. Done

"resulting the club to go to the play-offs"

"described the season as "the strongest team" he had played in" nope, the season wasn't the strongest team. That does't make sense. Done

" "the strongest team" he had played in" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"was as an" remove "as". Done

"was an unused" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"was as an unused substitute in the matches, but Northampton Town, lose 3–0 against Bradford City to send the club promoted to League One." really I don't understand this at all. Done

"Johnson was an unused substitute in the matches, but Northampton Town, lost 3–0 against Bradford City and was unsuccessful in gaining promotion." RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"After the play-off's ended, the club released Johnson" -> "Johnson was released by Northampton at the end of the season." Done

"ohnson was released by Northampton at the end of the season" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"of the I-League," perhaps say where this league is based. Done

" I-League (the premier football league of India)," RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"the first foreigners" perhaps "non-Indians" is more politically correct these days.

In some Asian countries including India, there are quotas for foreigners known as foreigner's quotas. It is not Premier League or La Liga where there is none. So "foreigners" is correct.

Done RRD13 (talk) 14:54, 10 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Explained. RRD13 (talk)

" in which he started and played the full match as Bengaluru drew the match 1–1" condense this, he played the full match implies he started, and the game ended in a draw. Done

" he played the full match as Bengaluru drew the match 1–1." RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"then scored his first goal for the club in the next match against Rangdajied United F.C. in which he scored in the 33rd minute" again, you're repeating yourself with scored ... scored... in a single sentence. ~~Done~~

Sorry.

Done

" in the very next match" no need for "very". Done

"in the next match" RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Prose discussing his career ends abruptly five months ago, what's happened since his streak? Done

"In the Federation Cup...." RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Table should use {{endash}} instead of hyphen for empty cells. Done
Style of play section is written as a lot of WP:OR, if people are saying things about him, quote them and attribute them.

Those are said by the websites only, not by any individuals.

Done RRD13 (talk) 15:33, 10 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Explained. RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Avoid SHOUTING in the reference titles. Done

I have removed the upper cases. RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Year ranges and score lines should be separated by an {{endash}} not a hyphen, per WP:DASH. Done

A lot to do, particularly in the prose, so on hold for a week. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:13, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, a lot of this is not done. I've had to make a few fixes, but there are still many to do. Please re-check each and every comment before claiming to have "done" them. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:18, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I missed one, but now solved it. RRD13 (talk) 14:11, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: If you still find something undone then please let me know. RRD13 (talk) 03:38, 13 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Seriously, I've made some major changes here and here for instance. I suggest, before nominating any other article at GAN, you get it copyedited. I don't feel comfortable with promoting this to GA since much of the work has been done by me. I'll need to think again, re-review and possibly pass this review onto someone who's not so close to it. I guess I should have quick-failed it, but I'm not how that would have benefited anyone. The Rambling Man (talk) 14:48, 14 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'm failing this GA, simple because most of the major modifications I've suggested, I've had to make myself, and thus it becomes a question of conflict of interest. I asked for other input at GAN, but nothing was forthcoming. Suggest this is re-nominated. The Rambling Man (talk) 22:02, 22 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]