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Talk:John Dundas (RAF officer)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: MisterBee1966 (talk · contribs) 13:34, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Comments by MisterBee1966

[edit]
Lead
  • If I look at the Douglas Bader article I see that all the awards are listed behind his name. Is this standard practice?
  • I think the level of detail about his brother Hugh belongs in the body of the article and should be removed from the lead.
  • The concept of an "aerial victory" here isn't really defined. You may want to add something like —that is an aerial combat encounter resulting in the destruction of the enemy aircraft
Body
  • Fix the dashing.
  • (KG 55 – Bomber Wing 55); should use —
  • with his wingmen – Pilot Officer Mike Appleby and American; should use —
  • 12-14 second burst; should use –
  • (JG 2 – Fighter Wing 2); should use —; there are more of this kind
  • crash–landing; crash-landing
  • Inconsistencies
  • Wr Nr. 2898 versus Wrk.Nr 2168; I would like to see it spelled out at least once Werknummer—factory number
  • Imperial War Museum
  • maybe link the first occurance not the second?
  • Question
  • Commanding Officer's Hind? Do you mean wingman? I have not seen this term before
  • Dundas' Squadron; is Squadron a proper noun here?
  • Do you think it would make sense to link Erprobungsgruppe 210 to Schnellkampfgeschwader 210?
  • link Deadstick landing
Disambiguation
  • fix Godfather and Shoreham
I think I've done them all. The CO's Hind was his fighter (see above sentence). Dapi89 (talk) 12:31, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, thanks! Great job MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:17, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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